Full circle
I remember a time not so long ago when I made choices for the better; I would go out and decide I was going to do a certain distance, or turn at a certain corner, and then when I got to that point, I decided that instead of taking the easy path I would continue to push myself and go farther, faster, or higher.
That’s where I was tonight; I have a cold (RIGHT before I go on a weeklong trip to LA. Fantastic), and I wasn’t feeling like exercising. Still, I got out there and got on my bike and started up with a one or maybe two mile trip in mind.
When I got to the halfway point, I decided to just say fuck it, and keep going. I ended up going 3 miles, which is my normal distance.
I kind of lost sight of the fact that I was just preaching a month or two ago to make better choices on a moment-to-moment basis. I remember now; I need to make better choices every moment.
My roommate said that willpower was like a muscle, you just need to keep exercising it and it gets stronger, but damn if it doesn’t take a long time to notice a difference. I think that’s where I’m at right now; discouraged by my lack of willpower over the last couple of days, I’m in danger of falling into a rut of going back to my old lifestyle, except I still exercise every night, and I’m still thinking about my food choices, and I’m still drinking far more water than I ever did. I swear, it’s like I got all excited about losing 20 pounds and then boom—my motivation plummeted.
I’ll shake myself out of it; I know that I’ll return from LA invigorated and full of new ideas. Perhaps that will carry over into my personal life as well and I’ll come back motivated to continue my fitness quest.
Fear, depression, anger, drive, change, momentum, excitement, relaxation, setback, fear.
I don't think that's a great description of the cycle, but I would like to make a metaphor to a play rehearsal.
Hope that makes sense. It all makes sense in my mind.