How Things Change

Some of you may know I have a somewhat estranged father which in fact you couldn't really call much of a father to be honest. Anyway, I use to have so much anger and pain inside from when he left when I was 7 and the aftermath and gradual void between us, but now I feel that I have left all of that go.

He has had some pretty harsh luck this year so far and I actually feel sorry fo him. First his wife left him and took his kids away from him, also wanting half of the house and his business earnings etc, and then more recently his dad, my grandfather is on his deathbed.

I remember wishing for my father to have such bad things happen to him, that it wasn not fair how he was not such a decent guy and my mother a virtuous woman, but he had 'everything' and she had very little. Then I soon came to learn that those material things won't make him happy and I knew he was hurting inside and had been for many many years. This made me happy, a kind of just-revenge if you will. But now I do not wish for him to be sad and depressed, I know I have no control over what will happen but i have managed to find compassion for the guy.

Some of you may know I have a somewhat estranged father which in fact you couldn't really call much of a father to be honest. Anyway, I use to have so much anger and pain inside from when he left when I was 7 and the aftermath and gradual void between us, but now I feel that I have left all of that go.

He has had some pretty harsh luck this year so far and I actually feel sorry fo him. First his wife left him and took his kids away from him, also wanting half of the house and his business earnings etc, and then more recently his dad, my grandfather is on his deathbed.

I remember wishing for my father to have such bad things happen to him, that it wasn not fair how he was not such a decent guy and my mother a virtuous woman, but he had 'everything' and she had very little. Then I soon came to learn that those material things won't make him happy and I knew he was hurting inside and had been for many many years. This made me happy, a kind of just-revenge if you will. But now I do not wish for him to be sad and depressed, I know I have no control over what will happen but i have managed to find compassion for the guy.

To travel to the highest peak, we must first traverse the lowest valley - your story is inspirational... more people should sleep on the floor despite poisonous centipedes...

Tom, I too, am estranged from my parents ad have been for 12years. It gets easier with time and you Havering realize that they are humàn and make stupid mistakes...some of them cause harm. The important thing is for you to end that cycle in your own self.

I have forgiven my parents but don't want them in my life. There would be more war than peace if I let them in my life.

And much peace has come from that realization.

They raised you when you were little, however poorly they did...but still we must honor their effort and move beyond it to what the world has instore.

Something greater is out there...beyond the pain of the past..you are more than what the past did to you.

Thank you for sharing this with us, Tom.

*hugs*

Like you Alison I do not wish to have my father in my life, not because I hate him, but because I know it will just induce suffering. It is better for me if he is not there as he does not know how to be a father.

I think his problems began because he was adopted, I am not quite sure. But I realize that he is ignorant and beneath his smiley, cocky personality he is suffering and that does not make me glad.

I am far from estranged from my mother, even though she is 6,000 miles away we still talk everyday, although I am estranged from everyone else in my family. I guess that was my doing though, being the black sheep of the family and my actions when I was younger.

Like I said in a different thread (maybe this situation may have brought on the realization), we are all a consciousness striving for happiness, dodging suffering trapped inside a human form. If I think of my dad that is what I know see, not his exterior and how he acts, but why.

It's an odd situation when you find yourself wishing ill on someone... and then you get your wish... and wish you could take it back. I think the hardest form of compassion is finding it for those who have hurt us. Good for you Tom. :)

zombiegirl said:

It's an odd situation when you find yourself wishing ill on someone... and then you get your wish... and wish you could take it back. I think the hardest form of compassion is finding it for those who have hurt us. Good for you Tom. :)

We are always right here. We have to take this mind everywhere we go.