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Since the beginning, my life has been a constant struggle against the grain of societal norms. Due to my belief structure and the order of my priorities, I have a tenacity to take the road less traveled, and I fear the criticism of others for doing so.
I am a person who is a master of holding my composure within the spotlight of disapproval, but inside, I constantly feel incredible fear. For instance, there was fear in making this very post, because I worry if I post too much, or that I write repetitive unnecessary information or opinions that no one will like or care about. Every time someone shows support for something that I say, I'm a bit shocked, because I truly expect disapproval long before I anticipate approval. Not too long ago, I made a post called "Gateway", a video of me reciting slam poetry. The opening of the video began with a disclaimer that brought to the audience's attention that the reason why I was posting this video was to help overcome my fear of public audiences. Never did I ever imagine the amount of positive feedback that it received: nearly 1,000 views and not a single dislike or negative comment about it.
I guess that I'm a paradoxical person, and a bit scarred from previous experiences, but I yearn to be heard and seen. I'm constantly writhed with self-doubt, fear, and a lack of self-confidence, but I act anyway. I guess that this could inadvertently project an illusion of false confidence to others who don't really know me, but in reality, I'm probably more afraid to step outside of my own front door than the average person. Yet, I'm the very same person who would jump from an airplane, or jump in front of a bullet for my loved ones. My fear is a torturous inhibition that I wish I didn't have; I wish that I could be fearless, but I am not. Ever.
Has anyone any advice for ridding myself of these inhibitions, in order to be a better leader and teacher for others?