harsh speach.

suppose you think someone is missing something in the dharma but I think there are also occasions in sharing methods of other things like deciding what to do for dinner.

i'm sure there are some tricks that can make it go smoother. but then a view at hand might make things go all right. Is there some way to purify yourself beforehand? So that you have learned from mistakes and don't over-step and avoid harsh speech?

suppose you think someone is missing something in the dharma but I think there are also occasions in sharing methods of other things like deciding what to do for dinner.

i'm sure there are some tricks that can make it go smoother. but then a view at hand might make things go all right. Is there some way to purify yourself beforehand? So that you have learned from mistakes and don't over-step and avoid harsh speech?

Do you mean pointing out something on here where you feel someone is overlooking something in the dharma? I've seen many threads where people agree to respectfully disagree. I think some of the dharma can be interpreted in various ways, and I think all of us realize this and would welcome another approach or interpretation.

I wouldn't call that harsh speech, but a dialogue geared toward understanding and sharing.

As for dinner, I have no idea. :)

weighted, It's hard to explain. It has a lot to do with tone. I guess I have more interest in not making people mad at me for my own selfish reasons as hearing my own monologue as Jeffrey is a wise man, and gentle and comfortably interesting to listen to. It's like all the life experiences and pain come from me and others mirror it back to me. And I get angry and think I can break the mirrors so that I don't see the suffering.

The dinner thing is about choosing foods in company. It's hard to explain.

Jeffrey said:

suppose you think someone is missing something in the dharma (....) i'm sure there are some tricks that can make it go smoother. ..... and avoid harsh speech?

I think what you are referring to here is how to point this out to someone without stepping on toes....

Not easy on the internet, since it's all just writing without visual support (smile, kind eyes) and inflections in your voice, where speaking slowly and softly can temper your advice and give it a certain frame of mind.
One way may be to express this sentiment in writing before you come to the point, to set the stage, so to speak.
Also, stating a goal, as in 'trying to help', 'adding to your opinion', rather than one-up-manship, which is a bit of a demon even on this board. Posting quotes from Buddhist websites is a neutral way to support your opinion, as long as they do not turn into weapons.

If you like a certain person's posts and ways of giving advice, search their profile for all their comments and learn from that -- they're all saved and ready for you to examine :-)

Frankly, we have come to know you here as a person with high ideals and very good intentions. While one or the other poster may take joy in nit-picking, most of us will try to analyze the core of your statements and respond accordingly.

Part of the learning process though is how to respond to the occasional nay-sayer, the person who for some sad reason needs to flex their ego and use another member as an unsuspecting sparring partner in a pointless fight. Best in those circumstances to call him/her out and then call it quits in a friendly, agreeing to disagree kind of manner.

Hope you're feeling better!

Nice post, possibilities. Greatly helped me, my confidence, and an analysis.