Howdy, Stranger!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
Categories
- All Categories 15.7K
- Your Practice 7.2K
- Buddhism for Beginners 5.5K
- Meditation 1.2K
- Diet & Habits 161
- Sanghas 379
- Buddhism 4.4K
- Modern Buddhism 1.7K
- Comparing Religions 594
- Arts & Writings 957
- Advanced Ideas 1.1K
- Our Community 6.1K
- NewBuddhist.com 332
- General Banter 3.7K
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@newbuddhist.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site.
Marriage
Bekenze
Member
What are your guys' thoughts on marriage?
What does Buddhism have to say about it? And in "Buddhist culture," how is marriage seen?
What does Buddhism have to say about it? And in "Buddhist culture," how is marriage seen?
Comments
How is marriage seen in Buddhist culture? Still not sure what you're fishing for, here. Same as in any other culture. Could you clarify your questions? Or does this answer them?
Depends.
Which culture are you talking about?
Tibetan?
Zen?
But having said that, I would like to get married... but can't. Cuz I'm gay. Yep.
Of course my girlfriend and I are happy together without the legality, I just feel that it would be a very important mile marker for equality. It would be nice to be recognized like all of the rest of my family and friends and it really does make our relationship feel less important sometimes. At least, in the eyes of some family and society in general. There sometimes seems to be this stigma about marriage that unless you are engaged/married, then you haven't found "the one" (I don't really feel this way, but I have certainly met others that do). I guess, I would like to tell everyone that I have found "the one" in a very concrete official way... you know... just like everyone else.
just come to the UK... :)
On a side note, my girlfriend told me the other day that she thought of the perfect way to propose to me. I informed her that she wasn't supposed to tell me that before she does it... :p
This approach did not really work for me. My partner went along to get along, but I'm sure that she sometimes thought that I didn't ask her to marry me because she was not my first choice. It wasn't fair to her and she never forgot that I didn't value her enough to put the question to her.
I have and will continue to tell my son that if he loves a girl he should ask her to marry him. Show her that it is important to him that she accepts him and thinks that he is the kind of man she wants for a partner. Put himself out there and make it a moment that she will not forget.
After that they can discuss whether it is right for them or not. Maybe it's not so important. But he has shown his intent and is not taking anything for granted.
You see, my first marriage was to my high school sweetheart, lasted 9 years, and was a disaster. Eight of those nine years we spent fighting. It took me 8 years just to recover before I was ready for another relationship, and during that time I threw myself into Zen Buddhism.
So the second time I did it right. I met a woman who found me funny and interesting and sexy and I felt the same about her. And we've danced our little dance of marriage ever since.
What was my secret? What lesson did I learn between the first and second? Not a thing. I had no more clue the second time than the first how to pick a perfect woman for me. I didn't try. I just fell in love and went for it. I won the lottery. I got lucky. Let nobody tell you there's some great secret that you can learn.
Zen taught me to wash the dishes if she cooks the meals, kiss her when I get the chance, go to work, come home, do more kissing and do it all again the next day, and if it lasts for a day or twenty years or fifty, you will be happy for as long as it lasts.
It is what it is. You have chosen this.
So make the most of it.
Never look upon marriage as being a hindrance.
Having a family and being married, are two great blessing for the layperson.
some ordained monks, depending on the tradition, sacrifice this particular connectedness.
They give this up.
They deny themselves this process, as a means of practising detachment.
but it is a sacrifice, to their calling, just the same,
There is much joy to be found within a family, with children. there is great bliss in sharing a life with people with whom you are emotionally and physically connected.
This, in and of itself - IS your practice.
:)
Would you agree that the exact same situation seen from a different perspective is replacing "fetters" with commitment and sense of responsibility? Not taking that final step to formalize your partnership usually shows a lack of commitment. People are much more likely to find reasons to break up when all they are doing is shacking up instead of being married.
I have known many couples shacking up who eventually split up because it was easier to just walk away than deal with problems. And, all relationships will have problems because people always have problems. You bring them with you into the relationship.
Doesn't mean marriage is always the wise choise. But, there's a reason gay couples in the US are fighting for the right to be married, instead of just living together.
I can't remember which sutra it is in, but I know there is one where Buddha talks about a way for lay people to be reborn and end up getting married in their next life. I can't remember which sutra, I'll try and look it up if you want. I know it's the Pali Cannon.
The notion that there is one person, and one person only, that you are destined to fall in love with certainly needs to be examined. That's like saying there is only one person in the world you can learn to dance with.
Also when it came to heaven, the belief was that it was basically the same as life on earth, except you don't die. You wouldn't just be sitting in a room with a few people for all eternity. But there's no point in discussing fairy tales.
There is nothing in life that is not impermanent, and that includes love. This comes from myself, a person who writes romantic stories and sent pages of romantic, slurpy love poems to the woman who became my wife. Our love for each other is a great triumph in our lives, but when this life together is over, it must be left behind, along with the mistakes and regrets. It means I cherish her while we are dancing while knowing the song has to end, sometime.
Sorry, waxed poetical a bit. Talking about romance does that to me.
Romanticism is generated in a more healthy, pure and sacred way.
Sentimentality can be clinging, and affectedly or extravagantly emotional, and stems from or can be colored by emotion rather than reason or realism.
:)
(hug icon)
It is a refrain that has often helpfully guided my directions within a relationship.
@how, that's nice.
When the 'like' button comes back, I'll "like" it!
"Like" :)
Is there hope that the "like" button will return?