*Had an insight last night* - Seeking Leads to Suffering...
Last night I had a little insight.
Something happened which I already knew but hadn't 'hit' me like it did last night..
I was doing my usual reading last night, and I've never really been aware that I was 'seeking' anything. But clearly i must be seeking 'something' hence why I'm into buddhism and zen etc etc...
Anyway, so I'm reading then there was a knock at the door, as soon as I heard the knock, something happend, (as if I was dragged into the now and I wasn't seeking anything or desireing anything) i was just completely 'there' / existing / just being..
Its as if when I heared the knock, that was the 'now' I was seeking. I didn't have the 'need' to keep reading or the 'need' to seek anything because where I was 'that was 'it'
I can't explain it simply unfortunitely which I think is a shame!
Everything just 'didn't matter' anymore.
Even buddhism itself,
Even my progress - just didn't matter.
Because I was in the NOW!!
That's when it hit me that, my 'seeking mind' was suffering mind..
I'd always agreed with this but I'd never experienced it like this before..
I've posted a lot of questions lately and it hit me that clearly I was seeking 'something' and I was seeking 'outside'
I was reading all your answers to try and make 'me' content..
But it was this seeking and asking which was making me suffer..
I haven't got a clue what's next for me, Or even if this feeling will pass, (probably will as everything passes)
However, I do understand that for me, when I seek, i suffer..
So I no longer want or have to seek anything! (At the moment)
Its only been half a day since this insight!
I went to bed so happy, and was looking foward to seeing how I was when I woke up! Because usually I do abit of reading before work but this morning I didn't 'need' to, I was just content with being 'me'
What I figured out though is; the seeking I'm refering to is 'spiritual seeking'
"When one is spiritually seeking, then they will suffer because there is nothing to spiritually seek"
There's nothing to gain.
There's no enlightenment to attain, there I am definitely not saying I am enlightened. NO WAY, but because I no longer believe that there is a 'spiritual enlightenment' to achieve..
Things as they are, 'is it'
All this around me 'is just it'
At the moment I'm happy and conent.
For the first time in years, I haven't brought a book to work with me. I always carried one in my bag!
But not this morning!!!