effects of my day long retreat,
last saturday i went to a day long silent retreat (okay in the afternoon there was a dharma talk and some discussion). I have been paying attention to the effects. Sometime in the afternoon of the retreat i started to feel like even though I was enjoying it, the time could have been better spent doing things around home or anything. I mean it takes something to justify sitting an entire day in silence to the general population
I did notice being much calmer and just more content with life. The regular crap has happened this week but it just seems ok. I have been much nicer to myself, I think that one is because I really doubted I could do it. Just doing the entire day was a huge deal for me on the days I don't feel like a real buddhist. I also noticed right away that my senses were higher, food tasted more strongly and I was aware of more noises. I didn't become super sensitive like not being able to deal with the regular world like I feared, however work on Monday was a challenge. I didn't crave going back as escapism but the school I am at this week is super noisy and the lead there loves to blow a whistle all the time indoors to get attention of children. The 40 kids feel as loud or louder than 75 at other schools. I had compassion for her, she really needs to be in control of every single detail and i can see how it causes her suffering. I think by the end of the week i made some difference there by simply being with it all and then gently interrupting some of her louder behavior with a calm and smiling demeanor, while assuring her it was handled just fine.
It would be good to do another full day at the beginning of the school year. The energy it gives me to deal with things more skillfully could start the year with my supervisor much better. I found a place in Colorado that i am not sure is close enough where you can just go on your own, they even have a teacher available if requested.