Some of you may recall I was posting maybe a week ago with my issues regarding entering Buddhism. I have retained a sort of confidence that I am practicing true to myself. I still need to begin taking in true teachings and disciplining my mind in meditation, as it is extremely hard for me to retain form. I'm hoping to work on this in the days to come, if I can get over myself.
Regardless I'm here to discuss something different. My knowledge on the true teachings of the Buddha are limited, but I do know that Anger is one of the Hindrances/Poisons. As a person, I have never been one to apologize except out of modesty. Admitting my wrongdoing is a sign of weakness to myself, and was a severe cause of anxiety when I coupled it with my greed. I also tend to become extremely defensive should a situation meet certain subconscious standards. Beneath all of these issues, which I am not yet free of, I harbor a very, very bad temper. The kind that builds upon itself as unaggravating/minorly annoying situations become gateways to even more explosive anger, which simply broods in my mind.
I'm not sure if I was simply looking to get it off my chest or if I am seeking a solution. Things like this require a great deal of external influence and personal discipline to eventually suppress, so I suppose it's something that meditation may cure over time.
Man, they aren't kidding when they call Anger a Hindrance. I feel like crap now. >_<
Thank you for any potential aid,