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College Life Problem.

edited September 2012 in Diet & Habits
Greetings/Namaste.
I currently go to Arizona State University and i am 18 years old. I am extremely into Buddhim/Hinduism/metaphysics however i have a deep problem with drinking. its not that i depend on it nor do i run away from my problems via alcohohism its just what everyonye around me does and its a social thing if anything. I know that alcohol severely blunts the mystic senses but i really dont know what to do....i can just quit i suppose buts its a bit hard since as i said everyone drinks around me...Please help! Nithyanandam!

Comments

  • If you think you can quit and it's only just a bit hard, then do it.
    Some of your friends won't understand and you may be lonely sometimes, but it will be worth it. Many years from now you may see it as the best thing that you have done for yourself.
    If you are forty and you regret not drinking for the past 20 years, you can always start it up. No harm done. The other way around the outcome may not be the same.
    SriBrandon
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited September 2012
    Welcome to our humble discussion forum, Brandon. :)

    You need a new environment, new friends, a new posse. There are students at your university, at any university, who don't drink. You just have to find them. They may be the ones you don't notice in class, because they're quiet or geeky, or to the contrary, they're so average they don't attract attention. But they're there. I was one such student, and I found a group just like me. I have a friend who recently graduated, and she's not the hard partying type at all, and she had no trouble finding like-minded friends.

    Join some different activity groups, meet new people, see what you can find. Be open to getting a little out of your comfort zone to meet new kinds of people. This is definitely do-able, you just need the strength to be able to stand alone, live by your convictions, and listen to your inner voice.

    The Rhinoceros Sutra is one of my favorites. It says it's better to go through life alone, like the rhinoceros, and keep a lookout for "virtuous friends" while on the path.

    http://www.hermitary.com/solitude/rhinoceros.html
    SriBrandonsova
  • It can be very difficult to set yourself apart from your peers... especially in a young, group setting like that. Drinking is a very social part of college life. Some people handle it well, some people don't.

    I suggest since you are not on any sort of definitive quest for "monk-hood" and don't seem to be at the point of totally committing to Buddhism (actually taking refuge and pledging to it), that you drink along with your friends but Drink Mindfully.

    What does that mean?

    *Know your limits.
    *Don't drink until drunk.
    *Don't break any laws.
    *Don't cause harm to yourself or anyone around you.
    * and Honestly assess your behavior, words and actions in the light of morning and determine if you drank mindfully or not. If not.... fix it.

  • I drink all the time for the same reasons. Casual, hanging out with buds, etc.

    Just keep developing your practice and study.

    Whether or not you should negate alcohol out of your life is highly dependent upon your conditions. Alcohol to some people is dangerous as to other it is just eating pie. It's all relative.

    So really be as critical as you can with yourself. How do you act when on alcohol? Are you harming yourself or others? Or is it just casual, etc.

    Something to also keep in mind. Limit your alcohol intake. Say make your limit two drinks top. That way you can enjoy drinking and as the same time set regulations for yourself. If you can do this it is helpful.

    Or you can do what I did in college. Drink causally, drink till I regretted drinking ever, drink till you quit for months, or drink till it isn't even for the sake of getting drunk or drink casually to hook up with girls, etc. It is endless when it comes to mandala of alcohol.

    As I am getting older and not in college, I find that alcohol is just like everything else. Its nice but it also has very negative side effects to the physical body and especially the energy levels. So a glass of wine here and there to complement my meal is really nice, but drinking to get drunk everyday is not fun. Its always good to party once and a while too.

    Buddhism has different vehicles. Work with your circumstance. Recognize your faults and strengths and apply the teachings of buddhism.

    The answer on what to do with alcohol is all dependent on those factors and ultimately a choice you must make.

    Good luck.
  • This website is great....thanks everyone a whole lot. I think im just gunna cut back to once every 2 weeks. The reason why it makes me feel so guilty sometimes is that i know full well what the spirit does to my body, and that i am aware of the spiritual laws etc but i still drink anyways...i guess its in the end the way i look at it. But i agree with you all thanks!
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2012
    @SriBrandon

    It's time to ask yourself WHO is drinking. Are you the one drinking your...beer ? Or is it that the...beer drinks you ?
    sovaJeffrey
  • sovasova delocalized fractyllic harmonizing Veteran
    Brandon, best of luck man =)

    You know, it's really hard to not drink _something_ when at a party or whatever. But that doesn't mean you gotta drink beer or alcohol. You can always carry around a solo cup with water, or even carry around a nalgene bottle. You can tell them that your friend's grandfather fell down the stairs and broke his neck and died because he was drunk. (true story! He died '86 I was born '87)


    Plant a seed. Maybe you can look into non-alcoholic beers (they have some wheat-based ones in Europe and they are mad tasty once you get used to them, and they're actually really good for you, whole-grain goodness)


    Anyway, be strong, have fun; and as @Dakini said, embrace the rhino.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited September 2012
    I formerly drank too much. What I did was handle it in microdecisions. Instead of one side wanting the drink and the other condemning me, I just made each event a micro-decision. And whatever you choose you own that choice, and you don't beat yourself up. So either be a drinker or not, but either way each decision be ok with, in other words have compassion. If you get physical addiction experience with sitting meditation can help you sit with discomfort.

    I can recommend some premium NA beers which you can bring to watch the game or whatever:

    Beck's NA - snappy lager taste
    Clausthaller - the most hops in a NA, or is it an illusion of hops?
    Kaliber - caramel taste like a brown or dark beer. (made by Guiness!)
    Erdinger - a little fruity taste, it is the wheat beer of the bunch.
    O'douls lager - a lot like Beck's but a little negative stale taste
    O'douls amber - like Kaliber a hint of brown, but not as good as kaliber
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran
    Hey, just as an aside, what is it with those red cups everyone drinks out of at parties in American movies?
  • The Red Solo Cup?
    sova
  • @SriBrandon

    It's time to ask yourself WHO is drinking. Are you the one drinking your...beer ? Or is it that the...beer drinks you ?

    If the beer is drinking you PLEASE put it on youtube? I gotta see that :lol:
    Jeffreysova
  • CinorjerCinorjer Veteran
    edited September 2012
    @SriBrandon can I ask you something?

    Why is it that you have conflicting thoughts about your drinking? Is it only because it's a Precept? We don't avoid drinking because it's a Buddhist rule, the rule tells us it's a dangerous activity so use your brain and intelligence. The precept tells us to avoid getting drunk (drinking to the point of heedlessness) because (duh!) it makes people act stupid and they don't control their actions.

    So drinking is maybe not a problem. Getting drunk certainly is. I enjoy a beer or two with my friends occasionally, but I hate getting drunk so I stop before that happens. What do you do? Do you drink until you pass out? Or do you have a couple drinks and enjoy yourself?

    But it's your call either way. You're a young man in college. Don't beat yourself up for acting like a young man in college. Be compassionate to other people, especially the ladies, and be honest and enjoy what you're doing.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    RebeccaS said:

    @SriBrandon

    It's time to ask yourself WHO is drinking. Are you the one drinking your...beer ? Or is it that the...beer drinks you ?

    If the beer is drinking you PLEASE put it on youtube? I gotta see that :lol:
    Or go to Soviet Russia. I heard that things go like that. Oh...and visually, the beer drinking a human...is not a pleasant sight ( even for one that is used to studying on corpses). :lol:
    sova
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Cinorjer said:

    @SriBrandon can I ask you something?

    Why is it that you have conflicting thoughts about your drinking? Is it only because it's a Precept? We don't avoid drinking because it's a Buddhist rule, the rule tells us it's a dangerous activity so use your brain and intelligence. The precept tells us to avoid getting drunk (drinking to the point of heedlessness) because (duh!) it makes people act stupid and they don't control their actions.

    So drinking is maybe not a problem. Getting drunk certainly is. I enjoy a beer or two with my friends occasionally, but I hate getting drunk so I stop before that happens. What do you do? Do you drink until you pass out? Or do you have a couple drinks and enjoy yourself?

    But it's your call either way. You're a young man in college. Don't beat yourself up for acting like a young man in college. Be compassionate to other people, especially the ladies, and be honest and enjoy what you're doing.

    First, I disagree with your reading of the Precept. Personally, I read it as refraining from drinks and substances that can cause heedlessness.

    Second, to me you have to look at the 5 basic Precepts one way or the other. Either they are firm, or not firm. If you want to say the Precept against alcohol is not firm, then to me you have to say the Precept against killing is not firm.

    But, as you say, it is all the individual's call to make...just as it is the individual's call to make whether or not they obey the Ten Commandments.

  • The precepts are mind trainig methods. 'Firm and not firm' are in the realm of rules of conduct. Precepts are mind training rules only. You don't have any brownie points or official seal. You just have the state of mind that your behaviour results from. From the analsysis of your dependently arisen state of mind you can tell for yourself how loose or firm you desire.
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    I disagree. Without them as a foundation, Buddhism as a moral code crumbles, leaving Buddhist cultures as one of the few cultures without a moral code.

    We can't say in another thread that killing animals is wrong, wrong, wrong because of the Precepts, and then here say they are only for training purposes.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited September 2012
    No it is not a moral code. They are mind training rules. A lot of Buddhists do not take them for example.

    At least that's how I view these precepts.
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    You have a right to view them any way you wish.
    But in my view, to say that "don't murder another person" is a mere training rule is...
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited September 2012
    What about for a soldier, killing? It's also not a fair comparison. Killing, lying, sex, etc. are different things. It's the reality that not all buddhists take five precepts. It's better not to take them than to take them and break them.
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Jeffrey, I have said above that you have every right to view the Precepts in any way you wish. For me, I totally reject the way you look at them.

    Yes, a Buddhist does not have to take the 5 Precepts. But there is nothing in Buddhism that a Buddhist has to "take". Particularly if you see Buddhism as more a philosophy than a religion. For that matter, there are billions of Christians who don't follow the Ten Commandments. That's free will.
  • CloudCloud Veteran
    edited September 2012
    Alright guys, this is ridiculous, this argument about whether the precepts are training rules or not is an echo of the same argument from a past thread and it doesn't belong in this one. If you want to argue about it, take it to that thread: http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/16254/are-the-precepts-just-training-rules

    Moving on...
  • Greetings/Namaste.
    I currently go to Arizona State University and i am 18 years old. I am extremely into Buddhim/Hinduism/metaphysics however i have a deep problem with drinking. its not that i depend on it nor do i run away from my problems via alcohohism its just what everyonye around me does and its a social thing if anything. I know that alcohol severely blunts the mystic senses but i really dont know what to do....i can just quit i suppose buts its a bit hard since as i said everyone drinks around me...Please help! Nithyanandam!

    If you are only drinking to join in you are not really being true to yourself, are you? Stick to soft drinks and tell your friends you don't like alcohol. My elder son hated the taste of alcohol until he was well into his twenties but he downed coca cola like it was going out of fashion. Your friends won't care either way.
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