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Cruel life
NomaDBuddha
Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
Not for me, but for a young, playful cat ( which I shall refer to as Gonzo) that lived in my back yard.
The story goes like this : Gonzo was just walking outside, in my house's back yard (where usually, my dogs tend to play) , while the dogs, were inside the house. Out of a moment's carelessness, one of my parents just let the dogs go outside, and one of my dogs just went straight to Gonzo's torso, and literally chewed him out. My parents struggled to get Gonzo out of my dog's fangs; he was separated, put into my front yard, while my parents got dressed up to leave to the vet. But it was too late. Gonzo had massive internal bleeding, and died on the consult table at the vet's cabinet ( where I do my practice).
To add a little extra : Gonzo was a stray cat, that my mom found between my yard's fence, and my neighbor's fire-wood heap, abandoned by his mother, because he had a malformed tail...and you know...when animals feel that something's not right with their children, they usually abandon them. My mom saved Gonzo, and I tended his wounds ( he had his anus inflamed due to his tail ). He stayed 'in our care' for about two months. He grew up, we moved him from the 'boiler room' to the 'storage room' where he had access to the garden ( which is in my back yard; separated from my dog's space by a high, wooden fence) . This week, he managed to climb up the wooden fence and jump into the dogs' 'yard' multiple times (lucky for him, the dogs were not there to attack him). because of this, I thought of moving him with me, in the house, for his well-being. That never happened. He was killed before I could act.
Now, I wondered today, why . Why him ? Why ...out of all things in the world...could not live more than two months ? Why was life so cruel ? Just..why ?
The story goes like this : Gonzo was just walking outside, in my house's back yard (where usually, my dogs tend to play) , while the dogs, were inside the house. Out of a moment's carelessness, one of my parents just let the dogs go outside, and one of my dogs just went straight to Gonzo's torso, and literally chewed him out. My parents struggled to get Gonzo out of my dog's fangs; he was separated, put into my front yard, while my parents got dressed up to leave to the vet. But it was too late. Gonzo had massive internal bleeding, and died on the consult table at the vet's cabinet ( where I do my practice).
To add a little extra : Gonzo was a stray cat, that my mom found between my yard's fence, and my neighbor's fire-wood heap, abandoned by his mother, because he had a malformed tail...and you know...when animals feel that something's not right with their children, they usually abandon them. My mom saved Gonzo, and I tended his wounds ( he had his anus inflamed due to his tail ). He stayed 'in our care' for about two months. He grew up, we moved him from the 'boiler room' to the 'storage room' where he had access to the garden ( which is in my back yard; separated from my dog's space by a high, wooden fence) . This week, he managed to climb up the wooden fence and jump into the dogs' 'yard' multiple times (lucky for him, the dogs were not there to attack him). because of this, I thought of moving him with me, in the house, for his well-being. That never happened. He was killed before I could act.
Now, I wondered today, why . Why him ? Why ...out of all things in the world...could not live more than two months ? Why was life so cruel ? Just..why ?
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Comments
You were very caring to the cat. It lived a better life than it would have had.
You probably really know all about this but ...
I heard a friend talk the same way about her 94 year old friend who recently passed away. Your experience and hers were both spoken of as why??? with the flavour of unfair thrown in.
Life arises and falls endlessly. Here we are just talking about attachments, thwarted expectations and the resulting suffering. The whole of the Buddhist Dharma is the continuum from sufferings cause to it's cessation. One mouthful of todays food for you probably looks like life's cruel demise for something else.
Everything is in constant change.
This question of "why" is just the denial of this truth when our attachments are threatened.
All that we can hope to achieve is that we where mindful and fully participant in every interaction we had with our human and animal friends before they passed, that way at least we will know that in this life, in these small moments we shared, that they where happy and lived well and we where happy and lived well with them xx
I didn't deny the truth of death. It just...seems so lacked of any sense to me. I've seen animals die in front of me, on the consult table at my vet school's clinic, but even if I sat with them, right there, I didn't feel any sadness or any joy. I knew that those poor animals were just old, and their bodies couldn't handle things anymore. But in my instance, or in my cat's instance...it feels so ... I don't know how to put it...lacked of any meaning. He was just making his first steps into life, and then...the lights go out. And I was not really attached to the cat. I rarely played with him, or fed, because I return home from college at ungodly hours. The only occasions to see him were the ones I had to do a little medical (if I can name it that way ) check-up.
@Jeffrey
I know we all die, but this thing doesn't seem cruel to me. When my body gives up, it gives up and that's it, be it from an aggressive and incurable disease, be it from a stupid accident. But I'll be at peace because, at least, I saw what the world has to offer, and so on. It would be like ' I did play my role, and now it's time to get off the scene'.
You knew that right?
I remind you. Existence reminds you.
This path of Buddhism is to give us a salve. Does it give us an answer to the why? Would we be able to unravel all the karma? Maybe not?
Gonzo is inspirational.
One could just as easily ask 'why not'?
2 months is short from the human perspective but it is a very long time from say a mosquito's perspective.
Life is as cruel as it is kind.
No, I won't solve a thing. It's out of my action's reach to do something. I can't control death. But, if I found out why, I would gain a lot of insight into how 'life'...as a process works.
I have a hard time keeping the 'vet' side of my personality from unleashing a jihad of medical explanations.
But it's not a good enough answer. It will never be good enough. And that's what makes us human. Why is life so cruel, sometimes? For the same reason we think death is kind, sometimes. And the truth is, life and death is neither cruel nor kind. It just IS. Was the kitten's death pointless? Only if your life is pointless. Find the meaning to your own life and death, and you find the meaning to everyone's life and death.
And that also is not a good enough answer. And that's what being human is all about. I'll light a candle at my altar tonight for the little nameless kittens everywhere.
I was heading to work, so I asked my partner to take him to the vet. He got an IV and some high protein food. After the course of 4-5 days he was getting better: eyes opened up, eating on his own, using the litter box, drinking water, etc. Then on Saturday I woke up and he was laying on his side. I took him to the vet and he said he had lost weight and was six degrees below normal body temperature. I took him to a park and we sat in the sun together for a while. Then I took him home to say goodbye to my partner. I sat out in the sun on the deck petting him until he was gone. Then we buried him in the backyard. It was really sad for me, considering his seemingly recovery.
It gave me a chance to meditate on sadness, suffering, loss, etc. I realized that I need to be mindful about the fact that life is something I don't understand and all I can ever do is the best I am able to do.
On a very hot July day over the weekend of the 4th, my husband and I were out walking and found a baby hawk that had fallen from a nest. Appeared that another animal had tipped the next, as there was another dead baby near by. This one barely even had down, but was breathing, so we took it in and made it comfortable. Not much we could do, we used a dropped to give it some water and put him in the shade in our closet to try to cool him because he had been on the hot pavement. There was no one we could call until the next day before of the holiday, so we hoped he'd make it the night. The next morning, he was gone. It was sad, we had hoped to be able to save a life, but we didn't and it's disappointing.
At the same time, it's possible our rescue of him prolonged his suffering, that perhaps had we not seen him a car would have run him over and he would have died much faster. No easy answers in that one!
Anyhow, it is somehow even harder when the life is taken by another being. It's sad how violent nature can be, I have a hard time watching Nat Geo and other shows where other animals are taken down, even if it is the way of life for them. When I was a small girl, my cat was our our deck when my uncle's Irish Setter killed her, grabbed her around the middle and punctured her lung. I never got to pet her or say goodbye because my parents thought it would be too upsetting for me but in reality it was harder to not feel like I could comfort her in any way. We just do the best we can, and any time you render aid and love and care and healing to another being, it is good for you both.
What I noticed was different this summer was the tame ness of his cat compared to the summer previous. As this second summer stay progressed the cat took on weight and became even gentler. I realized that this cat was in trouble. You see he lives an outdoor live in a foothill region filled with animals much more dangerous than dogs.
I told my son my concerns but did not suggest he leave the cat with me.
The cat has now been missing for a month.
I feel quite mixed. I know outdoor cat's lifespans are short, maybe three years they say , while indoor cats live much longer. My son knew it too but chose the outdoor life for his cat because he liked the thought of freedom for this animal. I like the thought of freedom but in practice enjoy my cat inside where I can keep an eye on him.
I am sorry you had to view such a spectacle.
Why death? You may never know.
If you knew, you may never understand.
You may die not knowing.
If you knew why, and understood why...
it wouldn't change....that you are going to die.
I am going to die.
My ego keeps me trying to be a 'do-gooder'.
Your ego feels entiled to know/understand something,
therefore assuming you would have control over any of it.
When we get done....both our ego's....
we are going to die.
The time frame is just lipstick.
Also, on a smaller note: yes, my life has no meaning to me (at the moment). And, IMO numbness is just...far away from both grief and joy, not necessarily their opposite. Numbness is just a transitory state to me. ( sorry that I got a bit off topic here)