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What are your genuine thoughts on this Autobiographical Poem?

One day,
A boy was born
He was given a mask
And was believed it had to be worn

The mask was his name
And his whole life was marked out and already put into frame

He was given a role he had to play
From his birth, till his very last day

Until one afternoon he broke a rule on how he 'should' behave..
And thats when he awakened to truth;
That each one of us are nothing more, but a living slave!
blu3ree

Comments

  • BhanteLuckyBhanteLucky Alternative lifestyle person in the South Island of New Zealand New Zealand Veteran
    I like how the lines start short and get longer.
    riverflow
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    Do you want a literal appraisal, or a comment on theme and content?
  • Any feedback u like?
    Its just a poem I came across browsing and I 'personally' thought it had a buddhist-ish theme to it!
  • BhanteLuckyBhanteLucky Alternative lifestyle person in the South Island of New Zealand New Zealand Veteran
    Oh it's not yours? In that case, I can be honest and say it lacks the line "despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage".
    blu3reezombiegirl
  • BhanteLuckyBhanteLucky Alternative lifestyle person in the South Island of New Zealand New Zealand Veteran
    And there are lots of important bits in there that are vital for young people to discover. Some go their whole lives without realising they're playing a role, in masks that have either been given to them or that they've made for themselves.
    Important thing to understand.
    Then one can choose which mask to wear.
    Or take it off entirely... Maybe that's an anatta experience, or emptiness of self...
    lobster
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    zenmyste said:

    Any feedback u like?
    Its just a poem I came across browsing and I 'personally' thought it had a buddhist-ish theme to it!

    Personally, I think it's dreadful.
    But that's just my pedantic love of literature coming through.

    lobster
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    I think it's an ill-advised attempt to mix free verse with rhyming poetry.
    federica
  • dreadful is too kind.
    However I understand what appeals.
    Here is a better even in translation poem from Issa

    露の世は露の世ながらさりながら
    tsuyu no yo wa tsuyu no yo nagara sari nagara

    This world of dew
    is just a world of dew,
    and yet...



  • "Dreadful is too kind"

    What a harsh thing too say and to be honest alittle prick-ish..

    im sorry but your all full of it s*** !

    Sorry but its true!

    This poem isnt even mine but just because you 'assume' it wasnt written by a 'famous' zen 'master' you think its dreadful!

    The haiku that you have posted isnt even that great also if im honest, i dont care who wrote it!

    You only think its good because you are giving 'respect' to the old zen masters! But what about respect to each other!!

    ill be honest, the more and more i come on here im hating it and the way you all are towards each other is upsetting!

    Most people i interact with on here are some of the most harsh, un-compassionate people ive come across! EVER!

    (And its supposr to be a 'buddhist' site)
    One of, if not THE most compassionate religion in the world!

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    I'm sorry....
    You would prefer we did NOT give our 'genuine' thoughts?
    zenmyste said:

    Any feedback u like?
    Its just a poem I came across browsing and I 'personally' thought it had a buddhist-ish theme to it!

    I gave honest, genuine feedback.

    Which is what you asked for.

    Would you prefer I gave you anything less than my honest opinion?

    Why are you getting so angry?

    Compassion doesn't have to be gentle. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with compassion.
    You asked for feedback, and you received it.
    If this is not the kind of feedback you were looking for, perhaps you might consider that you should have been more precise in the feedback you sought.

    Don't blast people off for being truthful.




  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Gee, you asked for feedback twice, and got it. What's the problem?
  • Any feedback u like?
    Ah you meant any feed back you will like . . .
    Sorry for the misunderstanding
    You wanted your ego stroked?
    Sometimes we get more, sometimes less than we ask for.

    Sorry to upset you. Sorry my poem was not to your taste.
    Ah well, time to move on and learn from the experience?
  • DandelionDandelion London Veteran
    I like the sentiment. I like what the poem is saying. It does feel quite Buddhist in its message. I think as a piece of writing it would be more 'successful' if the writer had not tried to make it a rhyming piece.
    Jeffrey
  • I like the theme itself, which I think matters more than the form in this particular case. I don't think we should be expecting T.S. Eliot or Goethe, but take it for what it is.
    Jeffrey
  • lobster said:


    露の世は露の世ながらさりながら
    tsuyu no yo wa tsuyu no yo nagara sari nagara

    This world of dew
    is just a world of dew,
    and yet...

    This is one of my favourite haiku by Issa. This one was written after the death of his little daughter who died of a fatal illness.

    I'm a haiku nut--most people don't realise all the lovely intricacies of haiku--these short poems have a great deal of special rules about them in order to make a haiku a haiku (and not that silly 5-7-5 stuff from kindergarten).
  • It isnt just about the poem comments.

    My reaction was more based on a multiple of things i have seen on here (in other threads)

    I am one of the people who had 'noticed' that others were using the 'lol' button with the intent of 'laughing' at what someone has said etc..
    (And then even one of the admins had put a thread about it asking for it to stop)

    So its not just me noticing these things!

    Anyway , sorry for my abrupt reaction!
  • federica said:

    Do you want a literal appraisal, or a comment on theme and content?

    "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!"

  • Anyway , sorry for my abrupt reaction!
    No worries.
    I used to edit a poetry magazine so my standards may be overly critical. :o
    The important thing to acknowledge is you found value in the poem. It had import and meaning for you. Your valuing is not you and you are not this poem.
    I may not like the blue shoes you wear, that does not reflect on my opinion of you.
    We are all over attached to our bodies, postings, personal history etc. We can not leave these but we can certainly lessen our attachment to them . . . :wave:
    JeffreyDandelion
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