Requesting Three Refuges and Five Precepts

FairyFeller

I am just reading up on making a formal commitment to Buddhism and it talks about requesting the Three Refuges and Five Precepts from a monk or nun.

What actually happens? My 'local' monastery is a two hour drive away, would I be expected to attend frequently?

zenff

For me it took (learning and) reciting the appropriate Pali formula in front of the monk.
There were no further obligations that I remember.

how

Contact them and ask.

Some monasteries encourage folks to attend a specific retreat that focuses on the refuges & precepts and culminates with your asking & receiving of them

Expecting you to attend frequently be unusual but I'm sure they would like it.

FairyFeller

how said:

Some monasteries encourage folks to attend a specific retreat that focuses on the refuges & precepts and culminates with your asking & receiving

There lies the problem. My partner is a fixed in her mind and has banned me from attending retreats whereas I can't see a problem with say a one off weekend or something.

Jeffrey

According to the Jewel Ornament of Liberation, A Tibetan Buddhist text covering the whole Buddhist path, one can take refuge on their own and there are instructions how to do it in the text.

how

The real purpose of the refuges and the precepts is to just follow them.

Such a commitment to do so can be either taken by yourself or in the company of others. At a more convenient time you can redo them with whomever but nothing stops you from accepting them as the basis of your practise right now.

karasti

You don't have to do a formal ceremony if you don't want to. I preferred to do a ceremony, so that is what I did. My teacher is 300 miles away, so attending regular meetings is just not something I can do. It was not a problem for him at all. Part of my reason though for doing vows with him was because I wanted him to be my teacher and that was part of what we did, my asking him to be my teacher and him accepting me as his student. But you can do it without all the ceremony, too. Several people simply find something that represents each of the Three Jewels to them, a picture of Buddha, a copy of a sutra or other meaningful teaching and something that represents Sangha, and do the refuge vow and precepts. Even if you do it with a teacher, it is about self-accountability.

It makes me sad to see your partner forbids you from doing anything. What reason do they give for forbidden an adult from participating in something that is meaningful to them? Is it only retreats because of the longer time period?

Takuan

I merely asked my teacher. He wrote me a letter of recommendation, and I was allowed to participate in the refuge retreat.

FairyFeller

karasti said:

It is sad to see your partner forbids you from doing anything. What reason do they give for forbidden an adult from participating in something that is meaningful to them? Is it only retreats because of the longer time period?

I have asked her why and she can't give me a reason. I have asked her to think about as it something I will probably want to do in the future.

federica

First of all, touching on the personal, if I may be so bold - your partner has neither the right, nor the power to prevent you from doing anything of this kind.

if you have acceded to her wishes, then you're simply complying 'for the quiet life'.
Not because she is either preventing you, or because you agree with her.

So your compliance is yours to own....

Secondly, most reactions like hers are founded on Fear and Ignorance.

She is suspicious of something, and it's probably something she knows nothing about.
Is she a church-going Christian, may I ask?

Thirdly, you are not obliged to "Take Refuge" in a temple. You can do this in a personally meaningful, and 'private' ceremony, in your own home.
it is not a general Buddhist regulation, but may be a requirement according to some specific traditions. Not all traditions make this process mandatory and obligatory....

I myself devised a simple little ritual for myself, and Took Refuge at home, one quiet afternoon when all the family was out.

That is not to say anyone in my family objected or was against it.
Nothing of the kind. Everyone was, is and has been absolutely fine with it.
I just decided a quiet moment would be best....

This is what I did....

(See attachment).

You can go for refuge every day, in the mornings, if that's what you want to do.
Every morning, I awaken, light the little lamp in front of my Buddha statue, and recite 'the Three Jewels' and the Five precepts.

Lovely way to start the day.....

federica

(I had to modify the attachment, so it's in this post.....)

nenkohai

Federica, thank you for sharing this. May I use this?

federica

Please do. That's why I posted it.
Hope it's useful!

:thumbsup:

Actually, the document is STILL inaccurate!! See post below this one!!
(disregard previous effort!)

federica

Here is the (final!) amended version.
I think it's ok now!!

karasti

I want to add that while I took my refuge vows with my teacher in a small ceremony with our sangha (we have no such thing as a Buddhist monastery or temple here, lol) I recite my refuge vows at least one daily before I meditate, and often times throughout the day when I need a reminder on how to conduct myself or get through a moment of dissatisfaction.

FairyFeller

federica said:

First of all, touching on the personal, if I may be so bold - your partner has neither the right, nor the power to prevent you from doing anything of this kind.

if you have acceded to her wishes, then you're simply complying 'for the quiet life'.
Not because she is either preventing you, or because you agree with her.

So your compliance is yours to own....

Secondly, most reactions like hers are founded on Fear and Ignorance.

She is suspicious of something, and it's probably something she knows nothing about.
Is she a church-going Christian, may I ask?

As my partner she does have some say on things that may have an impact on the day to day running of our life partnership but as you say, she has no right or power to prevent me from doing anything.

As I have already said, I have asked her why she feels the way she does and acknowledges that she doesn't know and it may just be uncertainty of what she doesn't know.

I am not complying but I am choosing to approach the situation in a calm manner and find the root of the objection, at a time that is not going to cause a confrontation and is more likely to have a positive outcome for both sides rather than just say that I am going whether she likes it or not.

This approach has worked out in a positive way, I am going along hopefully this weekend with her agreement. She has always listened and encouraged my belief and this way she remains open minded rather than it causing a confronation and it becoming my thing and the cause of a schism.