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When bad things happen, do you ask 'why me?' ?
hermitwin
Veteran
When my brother's 3rd child was born, we were all
very happy.
he was a handsome boy and he was tall n strong.
but we soon realised that he was mentally disabled.
he will never be able to live on his own.
my brother must have asked a thousand times 'why me?'.
do you have similar experiences?
how do you make sense of it?
very happy.
he was a handsome boy and he was tall n strong.
but we soon realised that he was mentally disabled.
he will never be able to live on his own.
my brother must have asked a thousand times 'why me?'.
do you have similar experiences?
how do you make sense of it?
0
Comments
I am sorry to hear about that. I think this is actually a very personal question and each person I guess learns to deal with their sorrows their own way: some get aggressive and hostile, some learn ways of peace, some accept it, and most just plod along doing the best they can in any given moment. But your brother's situation, well I am just sorry about the difficulty.
I have not really thought about this before, but if you asked me today, I would say that things do have to do with karma, and also each person is given the tests that they ask for and need. But that said, I don't or would not put such an explanation on anyone else. Everyone has to find their own way and it is with the greatest respect, that we try to allow each to figure out what works best for them. From a Buddhist mindset, it is hopefully one of least harm, although this becomes harder when one is outrightly or unjustly harmed.
Best wishes,
Abu
. . . gosh being a Boddhisattva is so trite ridden . . .
http://normadoiron.net/you-cant-avoid-pain-misery-is-optional/
Always cultivate for those who can not. It is the least we can do . . . :wave:
If to someone else then wouldn't that person also ask 'why me'?
Whether it makes sense or not, life continues in this bubble.
It will burst soon enough.
@hermitwin, you say, How do you know he must have?
And would he not be thankful for two older children who can share in the upbringing and protection of the third?
What you mean is that, YOU would be thinking, "Why me?"
And as others have pointed out, "Why not?"
after being married in 2009 and my daughter being born in 2011, then approximately 2 months later in 2011, i struck spirituality accidentally - first i read Bhagwad Geeta and then Buddha's teachings, which showed me there is something else than this material world.
So the why me question, which i faced was - why did i struck spirituality after getting married and had a daughter of 2 months old - or - if i had to struck spirituality, then why i did not struck it in 2008 or earlier, before me getting married.
i faced this question many times - mainly because of me not finding the balance between material world and spiritual world. don't know what type of karma lead me to this thing. i have not gained this balance till now. but now i think, what had happened has happened, so now i will have to see how to figure out things in the present scenario.
as far as the other minor problems which arise in my life currently are concerned, due to my defilements and due to my likes and dislikes, i usually react angrily and then later think that it was not skillful to become angry. seems like i have a huge quantity of defilements of lust, anger, greed, attachment, aversion and ego in my mind - let me see if i can work on it to reduce these defilements in my mind.
I once made a video for Scope, what used to be the Spastics Society, all about parents with kids with cerebral palsy. What impressed me was the love of the parents, and their refusal to take the view that their child was not a great blessing. The video regularly reduced people to tears for just this reason. It wasn't the parents who were asking 'why me, it was the audience asking 'why them'.
But these days, i understand things happen to everyone - good and bad!
Some people get 'more' than others
Some people get 'worse' than others!
Its just how life is; all we can do is 'accept' whatever comes our way, And 'respond' to situations.. not 'react' to them!!!
If I say something shouldn't happen, what underpins this thinking?
In reality, even though it may be very difficult, families who must deal with such things tend to be amazing families with amazing children, and they do a really good job of building networks and resources and they tend to develop a really positive and health attitude about it. Most of the time, dealing with the people who don't get it, is much harder than just dealing with the hand you are dealt.
Even with our son who is diabetic, when people find out they say things like "oh my god, i'm so sorry, I don't know how you do it. I would be a disaster." What good would that do? We could be disasters and not cope, or we could educate ourselves and do the best in teaching our son proper ways to live and to manage his challenges. We ALL have challenges, just some are different than others. Honestly, I'd rather have the amazingly kind and caring kid who happens to need shots with his meals and sometimes has to get up at 2am to have a snack, than the completely "normal" kid who is a brat. Yet they are the same people who go to such lengths to express their pity. I really feel sorry for them for the child they have to deal with, lol. It's all relative. But don't assume a family who is in for challenges will suffer a lot of pity for themselves. They might initially. When our son was very ill in the ICU, yes, I thought "why him??" but that lasted all of a few hours. Pity has no place in a family that has challenges, and they don't generally like to have everyone around them pitying them, either. They will take on the challenge and they will deal with it and they will be a better and stronger family for it, most likely. I am sorry for the hard news they have received. But the child is no less amazing than he was before he was diagnosed and the family is not going to want to be thought of, or treated differently because of it. Don't pity them, they don't need it.
Every so often, when the day's 50/50 balance of possible event outcomes starts consistently tilting towards a direction that causes me problems, I do start saying "give me a break".
Fortunately some part of my practise usually echos with laughter at who I think I'm talking to, which softens the suffering that I've been creating.
but over time, most people just get on with their life.
someone i admire very much became blind in his early twenties.
he was depressed n locked himself in his room for 2 mths.
now , he is happily married and works as a masseuse.
also, he has a daughter with cerebral palsy.
he is a happy optimistic person.
btw he was a silver medalist at the paralympics.