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Those who have children, do you give yourself 'ME TIME' (where you have time out to do own thing?
zenmyste
Veteran
If so,
What, when and how?
Thanks.
What, when and how?
Thanks.
0
Comments
It's very difficult to have 'me' time.
You have to book a sitter, if you don't live close to relatives, and sitters cost money. Coupled with the general cost of living, the expense of doing other things, the amount of effort required to care for young children and the honest sheer tiredness, which depletes the enthusiasm for 'me' activities...
I didn't start enjoying 'me' time (for myself or with my H) until both girls were in F/T education, and/or able to spend the weekend away with friends for a 'sleep-over' or something.
This would have put the youngest at around 11, the eldest at 17.
Sure, eldest could 'babysit' and often did - but only when she was old enough and responsible enough to leave alone, and supervise her younger sibling.... and even then, we curtailed our excursions so as not to leave them alone for too long....
You have children.
Life revolves around them, until they gain independence.
until then, you have to tailor your lives to them. And make a whole lot of sacrifices. Including the quarter-of-a-million it takes to afford one child to adulthood.....
My experience was that having kids was a better training ground than pedal-to-the-metal Buddhist retreats because (assuming you like the kids), they require constantconstantconstant attention. It can drive a sane person around the bend, just like Buddhist practice, but there is nothing special or contrived about kids. Kids are first-rate jailers (like Zen practice) and a lot of other stuff besides. They are in-your-face, delight-producing, insane-making lessons that single people have an extremely hard (I almost said "impossible") time learning, i.e....
IT AIN'T ALL ABOUT YOU!
"Me time?"
Who made up that nonsense?!
When they were in school,
Now when ever I want.
Geetar playin....my daughter was a much better musician.
Fixin things around the house...them often helping me
Reading (together and by each other),
Snowboarding...going together often hauling a carload of their friends.
However, I would try to get them involved with me if they wanted...
When they were little, they liked to hangout, help or be nearby
When they were in school...they wanted to be with their friends
Now...they would rather do their own thing than my thing.
My youngest, 19, still lives with us, pretty much comes/goes whenever, works and goes to school....she and I go skiing/snowboarding together (a run or 1/2 day...I can't keep up) a couple times a month.
The middle, 27, living by himself about 1 mile away, he has chosen to be reclusive at this time, reportedly writing, doing MMA and eating veggie raw foods.
The eldest, 37, has an infant and 2 year old, lives about 2 hours away, we spend a weekend, every month or two with his family...usually he and I doing a list of house maintenance projects.
Imho, the time they want to be with you....is very short, so make the sacrifices and use the time with them well...to share things...they have much to teach you. Also let them have the opportunity to be alone and develop the appreciation of time well spent by themselves. Don't schedule every minute of their and your time....but a schedule when you do things together.
I guess it depends what you mean for me time. My husband and I never had a honeymoon, and will not have a vacation alone (or even a weekend alone) for a long, long time. But that's ok, because shorter spurts work fine for us for now, and we had that time when we were dating, before we got married and had another kid.
I'm horribly introverted, and while I love my time with all my kids, I have to have time just for me, even if it's a short time, or I lose my mind.
What? It can be anything. Meditation, reading, a video game, a quiet bath, a lone walk, a day long hike, a weekend retreat, an afternoon with my mom
When? Whenever it works out. But always small increments. The longest I've been away from all 3 of my kids at one time (and my husband was home with them) was 48 hours, and that was just a few weeks ago to visit my sister. Because one of our kids is diabetic, getting time away as a couple won't happen until he's older. I take time for me when I choose to get up earlier and meditate before the kids wake up. Even during the school year I get up an hour earlier than they do for that purpose. That is most of my me time.
How? I'm not sure how to answer that beyond what I already said, lol. I insist on it, and they know (the kids) that if I don't get it, I'm not very pleasant to be around after a while. But every other person in my family needs their time, too. My kids all regularly retreat to their quiet spaces in the world to take their me time, and so does my husband. It's as much a part of our daily lives as spending time together during meals.
I honestly don't know a contemporary parent who HASN'T seen the book - or who doesn't equate!!
I have had to myself in the last 18 years...
Correction: I do get up early for my cup of coffee in the garden
for sitting before going to work...does that count?
I have had to accept recently I will now be a single parent....doing everything...
responsible for it all.....no 'me time' in the foreseeable future. Hubby
is going 1200 miles away to work.
It's about to get alot busier for
me once school starts here, in 3 weeks. So I'm soaking up the last few
week-ends....getting my shit together. Three kids here...17, 10, and 9.
I have every intention on making the weekly
Sangha meetings...(maybe every other week)....not as an escape 'me time'...
but to make sure I have the tools and practice to handle all this...and
keep my mind together, lololololol ......:crazy:
And yes....I'll be towing a kid or two there as well...lolololol
Me time is my lunch break at work each day and the half hour I have before I go to sleep (usually spent meditating in my room and trying not to fall asleep LOL).
I an very lucky. My daughter (12) and I love spending time together. She's really cool to hang out with. We go to the movies, hang out at the park meditating or talking, watch Dr Who together (10th Doctor is our favourite -mmmmm David Tennant) or read our books together in silence.
I'm making the most of it to be honest because I'm sure I'll have plenty of "me time " when I die.
In metta,
Raven
I love the time I have, and I cherish it, absolutely. I know that in no time flat, I'll have more alone time than I'll know what to do with. I know my time with them as babies and children is short and precious and I treasure it. But for me, part of being able to treasure it comes in not having them be my entire world. We enjoy a lot of things together, even my teenager is always asking to spend more time doing things as a family. But I am also glad they are growing up to be independent and enjoy their own things with their friends and on their own time.
Once they were in bed, I'd clean up around the house, throw some laundry in, and then it was time for me.... Meditation time, music time, reading, TV or whatever else I was in the mood to do - at least 4-5 nights a week. Being a natural "night owl" this worked out for me for many many years.
When my kids got older, my husband was working nights (10 PM to 6 AM). and I also worked evenings/nights and would come home (anywhere between 11:30 pm and 2 AM) to a quiet house, everyone asleep and still stayed up for at least an hour to unwind and get some me time in....
In metta,
Raven