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caught off guard

oceancaldera207oceancaldera207 Veteran
edited August 2013 in Meditation
-I wasn't sure where to put this thread.- I really have to say something, and I really hope someone here can relate... definitely cannot have this discussion with anyone IRL.

The other day I was collecting some audio files of spoken buddhist sutras for listening while on cycling journeys. Among others, I found one of a long sutra that I had only browsed over in the past and not had much interest in ( not one that is particularly well known either. )
Later while relaxing I gave a portion of it a listen, not expecting much, more or less in a general research capacity.
and suddenly I was so struck; tears just flowed involuntarily from my eyes. It's hard to describe the feeling.. deep appreciation, beauty, happiness perhaps, kinship..the profoundity.. so utterly overpowering. I deeply understood what was being taught. And now, later when I recall several parts of it, tears form automatically, instantly,almost without me realizing what is going on.

To put this in perspective, I tend to approach sutras in a fairly non emotional fashion. I havent had emotionally caused tears for about 6 years, and I dont think that anyone has ever actually seen me have tears in my adult life... maybe once when i was really tired... maybe. I have had many amazing experiences, self discoveries, feeling of depth from sutras... but this .... this was different.
Ever feel like your heart is just....brought to life.? I cant really describe the feeling... it's quite foreign to me. I may never speak about this again, but i will never forget it... of this i am sure.
zombiegirlriverflowmisterCopeInvincible_summerwrathfuldeityCinorjerlobsterDandelionpoptartVastmindDavetheseekerkarmablues

Comments

  • misterCopemisterCope PA, USA Veteran
    This is wonderful! Maybe you can tell us what it was that you were listening to so that we might share in your experience!
  • "If you haven't cried deeply a number of times, your meditation hasn't really begun." - Ajahn Chah
    riverflowkarmablues
  • wrathfuldeitywrathfuldeity Veteran
    edited August 2013
    I resemble your post. My wife nor any of my kids...and I don't recall anybody seeing me cry since maybe 11-12 years old (which also includes several broken bones). The wife of 27 years infrequently ask me about this..."honey will you cry when I die?...oh of course I will dear" (ehh idk). However in the past 5 or so years, I have found myself crying 1-2 times a year to some sappy song that has touch my heart while I'm driving alone at night...lol (perhaps its a testrone/estrogen thing as I get older). And maybe once every few years will have a heart bursting dream of extreme joyfulness and gratitude and will wake up with tears (but I don't have nightmares either...maybe once every 5-7 years...btw love the nightmares because they are so provocative). Otherwise I got this reputation of being calm and kind but a heartless bastard...which my wife says at times, make me very intimidating and frustrating because I don't respond to any emotions that are presented nor do I respond with emotions (always figrued it was a guy thing...but I admit to having emotional detachment issues). Of course, being heartless is not true because there are many times my heart is open and full of love and joy..but no tears. Maybe I have an autistic heart charka.

  • Ever feel like your heart is just....brought to life.? I cant really describe the feeling... it's quite foreign to me. I may never speak about this again, but i will never forget it... of this i am sure.
    :clap:

    Reminds of when the Dalai Lama said, "Buddhism is a matter of the Mind" and pointed to his heart . . .

    I feel we have to become aware of the dharma in our bones, in the totality of our being. Intellectual understanding has a place. Sometimes we have to be overwhelmed.

    I get overwhelmed or inspired quite intensely on occasion. Tears? Sure? Great feelings of metta? Of course. Anger at ignorance? Yes indeed.

    Dharma robots may find this a little disconcerting . . .
  • oceancaldera207oceancaldera207 Veteran
    edited August 2013
    Thanks for the replies.
    (arya sanghatasutra dharmaparyaya._) There were two small parts here that still definitely affect me in ways that I don't completely understand. In the first one here, the buddha is using an analogy to describe the length of an eon, because he later uses the word 'eon' in later analogies within the sutra;

    "Suppose there is a mountain 50 yojanas (~250 miles) in depth and 12 yojanas (~60 miles) in height. Then, a man built his house on the side of that mountain, and for a long time, when a hundred years passed, the man would wipe it once with a cloth of Benares muslin. By doing so, the mountain would come to an end. Sarva-Shura, that is the measure of an eon. "

    I am just absolutely helpless to this phrase. I don't know why.

    I'll post the second in a while, I have to copy by hand and don't have time right now; thanks again for interest and replies !
    mike

    edit, a yojana is estimated at between 4 to 9 miles. Benares muslin is a very fine cotton cloth.
  • -I wasn't sure where to put this thread.- I really have to say something, and I really hope someone here can relate... definitely cannot have this discussion with anyone IRL.

    The other day I was collecting some audio files of spoken buddhist sutras for listening while on cycling journeys. Among others, I found one of a long sutra that I had only browsed over in the past and not had much interest in ( not one that is particularly well known either. )
    Later while relaxing I gave a portion of it a listen, not expecting much, more or less in a general research capacity.
    and suddenly I was so struck; tears just flowed involuntarily from my eyes. It's hard to describe the feeling.. deep appreciation, beauty, happiness perhaps, kinship..the profoundity.. so utterly overpowering. I deeply understood what was being taught. And now, later when I recall several parts of it, tears form automatically, instantly,almost without me realizing what is going on.

    To put this in perspective, I tend to approach sutras in a fairly non emotional fashion. I havent had emotionally caused tears for about 6 years, and I dont think that anyone has ever actually seen me have tears in my adult life... maybe once when i was really tired... maybe. I have had many amazing experiences, self discoveries, feeling of depth from sutras... but this .... this was different.
    Ever feel like your heart is just....brought to life.? I cant really describe the feeling... it's quite foreign to me. I may never speak about this again, but i will never forget it... of this i am sure.

    -I wasn't sure where to put this thread.- I really have to say something, and I really hope someone here can relate... definitely cannot have this discussion with anyone IRL.

    The other day I was collecting some audio files of spoken buddhist sutras for listening while on cycling journeys. Among others, I found one of a long sutra that I had only browsed over in the past and not had much interest in ( not one that is particularly well known either. )
    Later while relaxing I gave a portion of it a listen, not expecting much, more or less in a general research capacity.
    and suddenly I was so struck; tears just flowed involuntarily from my eyes. It's hard to describe the feeling.. deep appreciation, beauty, happiness perhaps, kinship..the profoundity.. so utterly overpowering. I deeply understood what was being taught. And now, later when I recall several parts of it, tears form automatically, instantly,almost without me realizing what is going on.

    To put this in perspective, I tend to approach sutras in a fairly non emotional fashion. I havent had emotionally caused tears for about 6 years, and I dont think that anyone has ever actually seen me have tears in my adult life... maybe once when i was really tired... maybe. I have had many amazing experiences, self discoveries, feeling of depth from sutras... but this .... this was different.
    Ever feel like your heart is just....brought to life.? I cant really describe the feeling... it's quite foreign to me. I may never speak about this again, but i will never forget it... of this i am sure.

    That's Eureka! An apple may fall on our head and only Newton went 'Eureka!" just at that particular moment. Other days, he might not have got the idea about gravity.Just like for karma to bear fruit, it must be ripe!
    oceancaldera207
  • Cool thank you!
    The other part that affected me ; paraphrasing , a disciple says, 'this teaching is so wonderful, I really feel as though I can't get enough'. The buddha says in response 'that's very good that you think that way, I truly cannot get enough either'.
    Ah. I just can't handle that... Instant tears....such a perfect and unexpected answer.
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