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there is someone in my life who mistreats people he thinks are on a low "status"

there is someone in my life who seems to target "vulnerable" -people on a low "status"...criticizing them and being very rude/not thinking of their feelings...and sort of having no respect or awareness of the fact these people are actually people too. this makes me so sad... by vulnerable I mean by age, or newness, lack of certain achievements or certain aspects that this someone thinks isn't worthy or high-up on a scale of prestige. He is very obviously careful and admiring of people with certain status. I feel so inclined to defend the people he targets for criticizing...but I find myself having no bravery, I can't find an approach, I am just sad and my words are not coming out easily. I have no real question here, I suppose I know the "answer" or practice to this situation...I just needed to say since I'm so sad and hurting about this at the moment.

Comments

  • That's too bad...is he totally unaware of his own behavior?
    Mostly that type of thing stems from insecurity.
  • @how yep it must be a miserable way to live..and in my experience usually this type of person has a lot of self image issues and can't find much peace in life.
    At work I'd run into this a lot, it always helped me to remember that they are definitely not happy people.



    AllbuddhaBound
  • I'm so sad and hurting about this at the moment.
    :bawl:

    Why?
    How does that help?
    You can not help how you feel - right? Those bullying and bullied are equally in the grip of their karmic situation . . . so a little compassion for all concerned . . .

    You are a good person and can and will change. How wonderful is that . . .
    Enough already with bullying yourself over others pain . . . :)
    AllbuddhaBound
  • A lot of excellent advice here. A person who bullies others, tends to bully themselves as well. They are critical and judgmental of their own shortcomings too. The antidote to being judgmental and critical for the bully, is to develop compassion for self as well as others.

    By you being critical and feeling shame and guilt because you cannot stop it in others, is a way of you bullying yourself as well. Don't add more criticism and judgment to the equation. You sound to be a very decent human being and I am thankful for that.
  • inyo said:

    there is someone in my life who seems to target "vulnerable" -people on a low "status"...criticizing them and being very rude/not thinking of their feelings...and sort of having no respect or awareness of the fact these people are actually people too. this makes me so sad... by vulnerable I mean by age, or newness, lack of certain achievements or certain aspects that this someone thinks isn't worthy or high-up on a scale of prestige. He is very obviously careful and admiring of people with certain status. I feel so inclined to defend the people he targets for criticizing...but I find myself having no bravery, I can't find an approach, I am just sad and my words are not coming out easily. I have no real question here, I suppose I know the "answer" or practice to this situation...I just needed to say since I'm so sad and hurting about this at the moment.

    When I speak to my daughters about picking people, I suggest they watch closely how these people treat other people, and in particular, people that they feel are below them. Do they take my advice? Not always, believe me.

    I wonder if you could not confront him in a different way. When you talk to him, start to praise people who don't put people down. Let him know that is what you respect. Use examples of people and constantly praise ones who are supportive and kind.

    In a way, if you confront him and criticize him, you would be asking him to quit doing something to others you are doing to him. Let him know what he can do right, not what he is doing wrong. Fight hatred with love, not more hatred.

    Best of luck



  • @inyo,

    One of my best friends used to exhibit a similar behavior.

    Those whom he greatly admired he would call "people".
    Those whom seemed like mere animals to him he would call "humans".

    I was deeply concerned about his reasoning for this. I wanted to convince him that there were "people" attributes in those he called "humans".

    His reasoning was this:
    "People" are those who actually care about the conditions of the world around them. They actively pursue things worthy of pursuit to grant the greatest life possible.
    "Humans" are those who get tossed around like cattle, and go with whatever the other "humans" present to them. They are often without original thoughts.

    I was a "person" to him, so I can't say it was too painful from my perspective. But it did pain me to see people I greatly admired get labeled as "humans".

    I guess the whole point I'm trying to make is that I was unable to convince him. Therefore, this sounds like something the person has to work through on their own. If someone they greatly admire can't even convince them, the only person that can convince them of equality is only that person.

    Hope I could I help with additional perspective. :D
  • inyoinyo Explorer
    everyone, you guys are awesome...words can't describe but all of the posts here have helped me so much.. each in a very needed way. I feel like I am getting "back on track"
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