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My heartbreaking story - learn from my mistakes
This is something that happened quite some time ago, so I am completely over her. Still, the pain I experienced could only be described as hell. I am telling you this so that people, especially young people, can learn from my mistakes.
Long story short, she pursued me over and over. I was flattered. She was a beauty. I had the upper hand because I was the one being pursued - my ego was satisfied. But when I started responding, the tables were turned. I fell more and more in love with her, while she fell more and more 'out of love' with me. But I was too blind to notice - proposed ... and inevitably a breakup followed. Suffered for months, while she easily moved on. That hurt even more. The fact that she could move on so easily after having pursued me over and over - my ego was crushed. On top of that, she got married and had kids. Again, my ego was crushed - what does this guy have that I don't? How could she fall in love with him (so much so she could have a kids with him) but out of love with me? Jealousy, resentment, bitterness.
All such thoughts were crushing my very will to live. I prayed for death every day - my death - but soon overcame this. But now that I know a thing or two about Buddhism, I realize she was not to blame. She had every right to love me or not love me - who am I to say, "If you fall in love with me, you should never fall out of love?" Everything changes. People change. Their preferences change. So I realize that my ego destroyed me, paralyzed me for months, it was NOT her. She was entirely blameless.
Unfortunately, I did not have the benefit of Buddhism or any religion at that time. So I resorted to smoking and drinking. Even after coming across Buddhism, I couldn't quite connect it to all this. It is a slow, ongoing process, and I am still struggling. But if my pain can heal your wounds, make you wiser, then please learn from my mistakes.
That's all I am asking.