One hell of a bad day

becomethesignal

Today, somehow I woke up at the time I was supposed to be at work. My co-worker, Shawn, was waiting 45 minutes for me to pick him up at the bus stop. So, of course, I got to work late. Then when Shawn and I were trying to move a 40' ladder (we paint) we lost control and it slammed down ontop of someone's van. Then, to top it all off, I was supposed to meet with someone about a new and better painting job. When I arrived at the restaraunt that we were supposed to meet at he text messaged me saying "Sorry have back problem and am at doctor's" I have been completely incoherrent all day. I have been slowly feeling like I'm headed down the impossible slope of depression.
I've had severe clinical depression all of my life. When I lived with my parents I would go to psychotherapy twice weekly and it literally saved my life. I felt so much better and felt confident that I could move away to Seattle without any problems. I can't afford psychotherapy now and I would really like to go. My parents won't continue to support me in it because they believe that since the psychiatrist isn't a 'Christian' he will "lead me down the wrong path." I've tried to explain that therapy is about me talking and them listening and giving me different points of view and sometimes advice. My doctor never told me what I had to think, feel or do. He only made suggestions. I have a lot of respect for him. Anyways, the point is that I cannot go to psychotherapy and a lot of shit has been happening and everything seems to be going wrong. I don't know if I can make it until my next pay day and my job is ridiculiously hard and exhausting with no intellectual stimulation. I don't have many friends here in Seattle, so I spend most of my time by myself. I make myself do things that I wouldn't normally do in order to connect with others. I'm quite introverted and independent and certainly not out-going. I try to keep an open mind about churches and small groups but even emergent churches still have their 'doctorine' of beliefs that I can't entirely agree with. Besides that I really feel no connection at any church. I used to go to a gathering that was just a lot of my friends and we would basically just get together and talk and they would read the Bible and we'd discuss it. That was engaging but now I feel I have no spiritual connection at all. I wish there were a physical place were any and every religion and philosophy could be discussed without condemnation. Thee New Noise (my friend's gathering) was just about the only place where that could happen.
I apologize for 'complaining' but one thing that I disagreed with my psychiatrist is that he said most people just don't want to hear anyone's problems and they don't necessarily have any obligation to and so that's why people go to psychiatrists. So, rather than having many friends or family that I can connect with and discuss things with we had to pay someone for me to talk to? That's very distressing to me. Why should a doctor charge SO much money for something that people need in order to be healthy. In my opinion the term 'health care professional' is an oxy-moron because most doctors really don't give a damn about you or I and most hospitals and pharmaceutical companies just care about making money. So basically the thoughts going on inside my head are "This world is so fucked up. I'm so fucked!" All of these things that I have stated are sincere and I have a hard time taking anything very lightly. In other words this is a very serious situation and I feel terrible about my mistakes today and terrible in general.
What was the purpose of this thread, you ask? I'm not sure, but now some of my thoughts and feelings are typed out and perhaps some of you caring people who are full of wisdom can shed some light on my situation or make suggestions. I truly appreciate you taking time to read this entire thing, even if you don't respond.

Palzang

I can sympathize, having been in similar straits at one point or another in my life. I know around here it is possible to get free counseling or at least sliding scale if you can't afford to pay the big bucks. It's a county supported thing, so perhaps there's something similar where you are. At the very least you might be able to get some antidepressants which might help. No need to suffer if you don't have to, I always say.

Palzang

Simonthepilgrim

Becomethesignal,
The pain can feel intolerable and the loneliness eats at us like acid.

When I was at a very low point, emotionally and financially, I found fellowship among the rejected: AA or similar 'open meetings', and shelters for the homeless.

I have offered my 100 morning prostrations for your benefit and intentions.

May the clouds part and the stars shine out again in your night.

Iawa

Simonthepilgrim wrote:

Becomethesignal,
The pain can feel intolerable and the loneliness eats at us like acid.

When I was at a very low point, emotionally and financially, I found fellowship among the rejected: AA or similar 'open meetings', and shelters for the homeless.

I have offered my 100 morning prostrations for your benefit and intentions.

May the clouds part and the stars shine out again in your night.

In the same vain here, as, at those meetings,
" What you say here, stays here when you leave here.
Keep coming back, it works when you work it."
Thanks for sharing.

Metta

not1not2

becomethesignal,

Hey, just read your post. I'm sorry to hear that things are so down for you. This world is pretty broken. I'd just like to say that your thoughts & opinions are always welcome here. On that note, I hope we didn't get off on a bad foot in the 'mystery' thread. Not the best introduction, eh? Anyway, you will be in my thoughts & I hope things improve for you.

May you be at ease.
May you find the root of true happiness.
May the you be free from suffering.

_/\_
metta

YogaMama

becomethesignal,

I too am sorry to hear what you are going through. Like Iawa said, keep coming back here and we will support you as much as possible! You will be in my thoughts tonight when I meditate.

Peace and love to you - Kim

YogaMama

becomethesignal wrote:

That was engaging but now I feel I have no spiritual connection at all. I wish there were a physical place were any and every religion and philosophy could be discussed without condemnation.

Have you ever considered going to a Yoga studio? I am sure there are some wonderful ones in Seattle. Typically, any religion can be discussed, any problems you are having can be brought up, and from my own experience, everyone is very open and compassionate, non-judgemental, etc. Most yoga studios have some sort of meditation group that you can attend and they are wonderful. Just a thought for you to be able to connect to others. I hope it helps.

Kim

federica

Yup. Yoga's good. It's a mind-focussing discipline.... allied with the breath, you just centre and adopt the pose....

Release....

Surrender. Let it all just fall away, as a snake would shed its skin.... Renew yourself.

And do this as often as you need.

This is one of the reasons the Kundalini is seen as a snake... because of its incredible renewing properties...

not1not2

Here's the Buddhanet directory for Washington:

http://www.buddhanet.net/americas/usa_wa.htm

hope this helps.

_/\_
metta

Iawa

Good ones Ymama and Fede. Movement exercises engages mind and body, see Tibetan also, very good breathing execises and bodywork.

That was engaging but now I feel I have no spiritual connection at all.

From: The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching- TNH

" a human being is composed of the Five Aggregates (skandhas )
(see also- http://www.thefreedictionary.com/aggregates ):

-form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness. The Five Aggregates contain everything- both inside and outside of us, in nature and society."

Be wary of the trap of relying on your notions of what this "spiritual connection" is;
weather it be a passing feeling that you are experiencing, or a mental formation (preconception formed) from previous experiences.

I wish there were a physical place were any and every religion and philosophy could be discussed without condemnation.

That place is in you, where ever you are, just relax, breathe, and settle in to where you are right now.
That is the only place from which one can be.
Best of luck to you

In Gassho
Steve

YogaMama

Iawa...is this what you are referring to:

http://www.mkprojects.com/pf_TibetanRites.htm

I haven't started doing the Five Tibetan Rites yet, but plan to start next week.

Iawa

Actually, I was referring to
Reginald A. Ray's
Meditating with the Body

Six Cassette collection of guided Tibetan Buddhist Meditations
by the author.

Not to recommend them, but is available @ soundstrue.com I believe.

Iawa

YogaMama wrote:

Iawa...is this what you are referring to:

http://www.mkprojects.com/pf_TibetanRites.htm

I haven't started doing the Five Tibetan Rites yet, but plan to start next week.

I went and read that process, and I must admit it does have merit to it to be sure.
My strectching and exercise regime is more "Brutal" (tm), the desired effect should be comparable. I must confess that although I've greatly modified my diet and I have had an incredible increase in energy and dropped three clothes sizes, I still have yet to fully detox from my fav vices.
I suppose that's why they call it the middle way.:thumbsup:

Xrayman

Why should a doctor charge SO much money for something that people need in order to be healthy. In my opinion the term 'health care professional' is an oxy-moron because most doctors really don't give a damn about you or I and most hospitals and pharmaceutical companies just care about making money. quoted from BTS.

Hi there- look I worked for 6 years in the medical imaging business and let me tell you-your observation is very good-ITS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY_FORGET PATIENT HEALTH AND HEALTH CARE. sorry to make you feel worse-accept it though and move on.

now,
Thanks for your post I hope it was a little cathartic for you.

I am in a run of 5 years or so where the shit just gets deeper-so I can relate to how you feel.

I sense that you have clinical depression-I'm no expert, but your feelings are expressive in the typical symptoms of the illness.

apparently, people who increase their social interaction seem to alleviate some of the symptoms of depression-social, just what does that mean? I think if you spend a little more time on this site and posting as much as you can-many of us can create a small social gathering with you-via electronic means-of course, but social nevertheless.

PM me if you like, also many people here are profesionals in health care (and I mean "care"-speak to Jerbear etc.) even many of us are experts in arguement (in the literal sense and the non-literal sense as well :P

cheers!

You can PM me if you feel it may help.

Xrayman

Xrayman

Read this. A gift to you, from me and Wiki.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikibooks/en/a/a4/Depression.pdf

cheers!

becomethesignal

Simonthepilgrim wrote:

Becomethesignal,
The pain can feel intolerable and the loneliness eats at us like acid.

When I was at a very low point, emotionally and financially, I found fellowship among the rejected: AA or similar 'open meetings', and shelters for the homeless.

I have offered my 100 morning prostrations for your benefit and intentions.

May the clouds part and the stars shine out again in your night.

I truly appreciate this, Simon. I've received so many responses it almost made me cry.

becomethesignal

not1not2 wrote:

becomethesignal,

Hey, just read your post. I'm sorry to hear that things are so down for you. This world is pretty broken. I'd just like to say that your thoughts & opinions are always welcome here. On that note, I hope we didn't get off on a bad foot in the 'mystery' thread. Not the best introduction, eh? Anyway, you will be in my thoughts & I hope things improve for you.

May you be at ease.
May you find the root of true happiness.
May the you be free from suffering.

_/\_
metta

I wasn't upset at all by any comments in the 'mystery' thread and I thank you for your support. I am very grateful.

becomethesignal

YogaMama wrote:

Have you ever considered going to a Yoga studio? I am sure there are some wonderful ones in Seattle. Typically, any religion can be discussed, any problems you are having can be brought up, and from my own experience, everyone is very open and compassionate, non-judgemental, etc. Most yoga studios have some sort of meditation group that you can attend and they are wonderful. Just a thought for you to be able to connect to others. I hope it helps.

Kim

Thank you so much for your recommendation and thoughts. I am going to try to find something of that nature.

becomethesignal

Iawa wrote:

That place is in you, where ever you are, just relax, breathe, and settle in to where you are right now.
That is the only place from which one can be.
Best of luck to you

In Gassho
Steve

That is true and I never really thought of that, so I thank you. However, I still think it would be helpful to find others to connect with and relate to... that is what I am seeking.

becomethesignal

Xrayman wrote:

Thanks for your post I hope it was a little cathartic for you.

I am in a run of 5 years or so where the shit just gets deeper-so I can relate to how you feel.

I sense that you have clinical depression-I'm no expert, but your feelings are expressive in the typical symptoms of the illness.

apparently, people who increase their social interaction seem to alleviate some of the symptoms of depression-social, just what does that mean? I think if you spend a little more time on this site and posting as much as you can-many of us can create a small social gathering with you-via electronic means-of course, but social nevertheless.

PM me if you like, also many people here are profesionals in health care (and I mean "care"-speak to Jerbear etc.) even many of us are experts in arguement (in the literal sense and the non-literal sense as well :P

cheers!

You can PM me if you feel it may help.

Xrayman

Thank you for your welcome to this site. It means a lot to me. I am overwhelmed by the considerate and kind responses I have gotten. I read part of that book online and it was helpful.

becomethesignal

I have had some more bad luck in that the guy I was supposed to meet about the new job still hasn't contacted me and I was looking forward to getting that job (I'm 99% sure he was going to hire me.) Also, one of my co-worker's, Shawn, is really aggrivating me. Very often he talks about women in an extremely disrespectful and perverted manner and assumes that I think the same way he does. He also is bossy and yet knows no more than I when it comes to our job and I have been working with this company a little longer than he has. We were talking about psychiatrists and he said "I think they're full of shit" so I ask, "Have you ever been to one?" and he admits, "No, I just think they're full of shit." So, I say, "Well, how can you say that if you have no experience? If you have nothing to base that on then that is an absurd state..." and he just kept on talking, ignoring me. My other two co-workers are much more considerate and helpful. I have a hard time with people who say things without any particular reason or logic. This type of experience just makes me want to stay away from people because of the frustration that can be caused by interaction with them. My friend told me that, statistically, Seattle is one of the hardest places to meet people. I agree. Most everyone here keeps to themself and usually they think they are better than others and are individualistic. I am by all means independent and an individual but I want to be an individual within a caring community of sorts. It doesn't help that I am shy, haven't many friends and do not have any sort of romantic relationship or a possibility of a romantic relationship with anyone because I rarely meet new people. It is difficult to live here, however I will keep trying and I hopefully will find a temple or church or somewhere to go and participate in discussions of spiritual and intellectual significance.

not1not2

becomethesignal wrote:

It is difficult to live here, however I will keep trying and I hopefully will find a temple or church or somewhere to go and participate in discussions of spiritual and intellectual significance.

From the link I previously posted:

Chagdud Gompa - Amrita Ling
2223 NE 137th Street, Seattle, WA 98125
Tel: (206) 368-7974
Email: info@amritaseattle.org
Web site: www.amritaseattle.org
Founder: H. E. Chagdud Tulku
Tradition: Tibetan, Nyingmapa
Contact: Lama Padma Gyatso

Dai Bai Zan Cho Bo Zen Temple
1811 20th Avenue, Seattle WA 98122
Tel/Fax: (206) 328-3944
Email: genjo@choboji.org
Web site: www.choboji.org
Tradition: Rinzai Zen
Affiliation: Dai Bosatsu Zendo
Spiritual Director: Genjo Marinello, Osho
Teachers: Genjo Marinello; Genko Blackman

Dharma Drum Mountain Washington
23756 SE 36th Lane, Issaquah, WA 98029
Tel: (425) 394-1380, Fax: (425) 394-1380
Email: wwc1211@comast.com.net
Web site: www.ddmbaseattle.org
Director: Ven. Master Sheng -Yeng
Tradition: Chinese Ch'an (Zen)

Dharma Friendship Foundation
3204 West Lynn Street, Magnolia Village, Seattle, WA 98199-3920
Tel: (206) 286-9729
Email: jesse@dharmafriendship.org
Web site: www.dharmafriendship.org
Tradition: Mixed Tibetan
Spiritual Adviser: Ven. Thubten Chodron

Dharma Sound Zen Center
P.O. Box 31003, Seattle, WA 98103-1003
Tel: (206) 783-8484, Fax: 448-0564
Email: info@dharmasound.org
Web site: www.dharmasound.org
Tradition: Korean Chogye Zen
Spiritual Director: Zen Master Seung Sahn
Affiliation: Kwan Um School of Zen
Guiding Teacher: Zen Master Ji Bong

Drikung Kyobpa Choling Meditation Center
6307 California Ave., SW 1-B, Seattle, WA 98136
Tel: (206) 937-5356, Fax: 933-8075
Email: drikungkc@earthlink.net
Tradition: Tibetan, Drikung Kagyu
Contact: Lama Konchok Samten

Gold Summit Monastery
233 1st Avenue W., Seattle, WA 98119
Tel/Fax: (206) 217-9320
Eail: drbagsumm@jps.net
Web site: www.drba.org
Founder: Ven. Master Hsuan Hua
Tradition: Mahayana, Ch'an (Zen)
Affiliation: Dharma Realm Buddhist Association

Human Kind Clear Bead Sangha
Contact: Michelle & Joel Levey
5536 Woodlawn Ave., North Seattle, WA 98103
Tel: (206) 632-3551, Fax: (206) 547-7895
Email: Shalom@concentric.net
Tradition: Zen Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hahn
Affiliation: Community of Mindful Living

Kunga Tenphel Ling
P.O. Box 85362, Seattle, WA 98145-1362
Tel: (206) 650-6503
Email: LamaKungaGyaltsen@KungaTenphelLing.org
Web site: www.KungaTenphelLing.org
Tradition: Tibetan, Sakya
Affiliation: Sakya Lineage, Tsharpa Subsect, Rime (non-sectarian)
Spiritual Director: Lama Ngawang Kunga Thupten Gyaltsen

Mindfulness Community of Puget Sound
1910 24th Avenue, So., Seattle, WA 98144
Tel: (206) 324-5373
Email: windbell@mindfulnesspugetsound.org
Web site: www.mindfulnesspugetsound.org
Tradition: Zen Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hahn
Affiliation: Community of Mindful Living

Nalandabodhi - Seattle
5501 Seventeenth Avenue NE Seattle, WA 98105
Tel: (206) 529-8258, Fax: 529-0558
Email: seattle@nalandabodhi.org
Web site: www.nalandabodhi.org
Contact: Carole Fleming or Robert Fors
Tradition: Tibetan, Nyingma / Kagyu

Northwest Dharma Association - NWDA*
305 Harrison Street, Seattle, WA 98109
Tel: (206) 441-6811, Fax: (206)441-6815
Email: info@nwdharma.org
Web site: www.nwdharma.org
Tradition: Non-sectarian

Peach Tea Sangha
Contact: Laura-Mae Baldwin
Location: Seattle, WA 98115
Tel: (206) 527-0797, Fax: (206) 527-0173
Email: lmb@u.washington.edu
Tradition: Zen Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hahn
Affiliation: Community of Mindful Living

Rigpa Seattle
Location: Seattle, WA
Tel: (206) 517-2797
Email: info@rigpa.org
Web site: www.rigpaus.org
Founder: Sogyal Rinpoche
Tradition: Tibetan, Nyingmapa (Rigpa)

Sakya Monastery of Tibetan Buddhism
108 N.W. 83rd Avenue, Seattle, WA 98100
Tel: (206) 789-2573
Email: monastery@sakya.org
Web site: www.sakya.org
Tradition: Tibetan, Sakya Lineage

Seattle Betsuin Buddhist Temple
1427 S. Main Street, Seattle WA 98144
Tel: (206) 329-0800, Fax: (206) 329 3703
Email: seattlebetsuin@hotmail.com
Web site: www.seattlebetsuin.com
Tradition: Jodo Shinshu (Japanese Pureland)
Teachers: Rev. Castro and Rev. Fujii

Seattle Buddhist Center
3315 Beacon Ave S, Seattle, WA 98144
Contact and Spiritual Director: Dh. Avichala
Tel: (206) 726-0051
Email: info@seattlebuddhistcenter.org
Web site: www.seattlebuddhistcenter.org
Tradition: Western Buddhism
Affiliation: Friends of the Western Buddhist Order

Seattle Insight Meditation Society
P.O. Box 95817 Seattle, WA 98145-2817 USA
Tel: (206) 366-2111
Email: retreats@seattleinsight.org
Web site: www.seattleinsight.org
Tradition: Theravada
Guiding Teacher: Rodney Smith

Seattle Karma Kagyu Study Group
929 NW 57th Street, Seattle, WA 98107
Tel: (206) 783-1844
Email: Seakksg@aol.com
Tradition: Tibetan, Karma Kagyu
Affiliation: Karma Triyana Dharmachakra
Contact: Linda Furuyama

Seattle Koyasan Buddhist Church
1518 S. Washington Street, Seattle, WA 98144
Tel: (206) 325-8811
Web site: www.koyasan.org
Tradition: Shingon
Affiliation: Koyasan Shingon-shu

Seattle Shambhala Center
3017 East Harrison Street, Seattle, WA 98144
Tel: (206) 860-4060
Email: seattle@shambhala.org
Web site: www.shambhala.org/center/seattle
Tradition: Tibetan, Shambhala Buddhist
Affiliation: Shambhala International
Spiritual Director: Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche
Seattle Nichiren Buddhist Church
1042 S. Weller Street, Seattle, WA 98104
Tel: (206) 323-2252
Tradition: Nichiren Shu
Contact: Rev. Kanshin Mochida

Three Treasures Sangha
P.O. Box 12542, Seattle, WA 98111
Tel: (206) 324-5373 (answering machine)
Web site: www.three-treasures-sangha.org
Tradition: Soto/Rinzai Zen
Affiliation: Diamond Sangha
Founder: Robert Aiken Roshi
Teacher: Jack Duffy Roshi

Vajrayana Pathways Institute Without Walls
P.O. Box 85362, Seattle, WA 98145-1362
Contact: Ric Jackson
Tel: (206) 784-9478
Email: KTLoffice@KungaTenphelLing.org
Web site: www.KungaTenphelLing.org
Tradition: Tibetan, Rime
Affiliation: Sakya/Tsarpa Traditions of H.E. Chogye Trichen Rinpoche
Spiritual Director: Ven. Lama Kunga Gyaltsen
Teachers: Invited teachers from all lineages

Virupa Ecumenical Institute / VEI
108 NW 83rd Street, Seattle, WA 98117
Tel: (206) 789-2573, Fax: (206) 789-3994
Email: vei@sakya.org
Web site: www.sakya.org
Tradition: Tibetan, Sakya School, Non-sectarian, Ecumenical
Affiliation: Sakya Monastery of Tibetan Buddhism
Founder: His Holiness Jigdal Dagchen Sakya
Director: Jeffrey Schoening, Ph.D

Washington State Buddhist Association
Box 33357, Seattle WA 98108
Contact: Linn Htet
Web site: www.wastba.org
Tradition: Theravada, Burmese

Wat Atammayatarama
8643 38th Avenue, South Seattle, WA 98118
Tel: (206) 725-4126, Fax: (206) 725-5104
Tradition: Theravada, Thai (Maha Nikaya)

Holy crap, that's a lot of buddhist centers. Those are all in Seattle. We have 2 in my area. You have almost 30. So who's unlucky now??


Anyway, hope this helps you.

_/\_
metta

Brigid

Hi, BTS.

I just found this thread tonight so I'm sorry I haven't responded until now. I can definitely feel the frustration and loneliness in your posts and I wish a big, gentle cyber hug could wash away all your pain. I know it can't, but I'm sending you one anyway.

Feeling alone and socially isolated in a big city is one of the hardest things to endure and my heart is breaking for you. Your words are so full of sadness and I can understand why. I was a lonely person in a big, strange city with no friends once, too, and it was just miserable. But I wasn't battling clinical depression at the time so I can only imagine what you're going through and my imagination is running away with me to a pretty shitty place.

So, there are 5 things I think will help get you back on the right path. Some of them have already been suggested but I've put them in this handy order :

The 1st thing is to reach out for a helping hand from the medical community because there are counselors out there who can help you and give you a fighting chance to get back on track. All you have to do is look for them. We know so much more about depression these days and the most effective ways to manage it and there are counselors who have devoted their lives to helping people with depression. They can help. Go to the nearest hospital or walk-in clinic and go right up to the information desk and tell them you need counseling for diagnosed clinical depression and you don't have a lot of money. Be persistent. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Or call your doctor back home and ask him/her for a referral to someone or some place that won't cost you a lot of money. Since the medical route helped you before it can help you again. If you find a counselor and you don't like him/her or it's just not working, look for another one. You must insist on the best chance for help that you can give yourself. You deserve to give yourself compassion and loving kindness and to treat yourself with the dignity and respect you deserve as the very important and precious being you are.

The 2nd thing is that I would urge you to come here as often as you can. I'm a 39 year old woman with a physical disability from an injury who lives with her parents on a farm in the middle of nowhere. We don't even have broadband yet! lol! I can't work or drive anymore so I'm completely isolated and although I'm a very independent person, I'm dependent on my parents for a lot of basic things. Luckily I'm not dependent on them socially or spiritually because I have this place, full of warm, caring, compassionate people who have helped me more than they will ever know and have kept me afloat and smiling in some pretty stormy weather. It's amazing how much we help each other here. This is a very caring community and you've already seen and felt its effects so you know what I mean.

The 3rd thing would be to find your Seattle community. As Not1 has shown, there are a lot of places to check out and choose from, and those are just the Buddhist ones. I don't agree with the person who told you that it's more difficult to meet people in Seattle than in other cities. It's not the city that prevents us from making friends, it's our perspective. When you go into something convinced that you're going to fail, you will. But when you approach things with an open heart and a warm smile on your face things work out much, much differently. Every single one of us simply wants to be happy and avoid suffering and we're doing the best we can with what we know at this point in our lives. That's what we all have in common, so make that your starting point, your perspective when meeting new people.

The 4th thing is what Palzang so rightly suggested. Find some way, any way, to help other beings, whether they be humans or animals. This is the #1, foolproof way to pull yourself out from under your depression. I can personally guarantee it. If you do nothing else, do this. Really. I'm not joking.

My 5th and final suggestion would be to do cardio work as often as you feel comfortable doing it. You probably already know this, but a 20-30 minute vigorous cardio workout will dramatically change your chemical/hormonal balance and you'll experience a strong feeling of well being almost immediately and afterwards and the more you do it the better you'll feel in general. As always, exercise carefully and mindfully and work your way up slowly if you don't already have a regular exercise regimen. I speak from direct experience when I say the immediate effects are quite astonishing and even a few minutes of well being can plant hardy seeds of hope in your mind. If you tend to them they will grow.

We care very much about your emotional health and well being, as is evidenced by the responses to your post. If nothing else, take comfort in the knowledge that we see you and we hear your distress and we're here for you whenever you need us because we wish happiness for you and the end to your suffering.

Much love and many, many big and gentle cyber hugs,
Your friend,
Brigid

becomethesignal

Brigid wrote:

Hi, BTS.

I just found this thread tonight so I'm sorry I haven't responded until now. I can definitely feel the frustration and loneliness in your posts and I wish a big, gentle cyber hug could wash away all your pain. I know it can't, but I'm sending you one anyway.

We care very much about your emotional health and well being, as is evidenced by the responses to your post. If nothing else, take comfort in the knowledge that we see you and we hear your distress and we're here for you whenever you need us because we wish happiness for you and the end to your suffering.

Much love and many, many big and gentle cyber hugs,
Your friend,
Brigid

Hi, Brigid. Sorry I never responded. For some reason I never got a notice through email saying anyone else responded to my post. I just happened upon it recently. I really appreciate the time you took to make those well thought out suggestions. I can't thank you enough. I am doing a little better but I tend to be pretty pessimistic. I hope you also find joy wherever you are. I am certainly amazed that you seem to be content and happy in your situation. That is truly inspiring.
I think I'm going to start a different thread about what's been happening to me recently.
Thanks again,
-Travis

Brigid

It's my pleasure, Travis. I'm hoping things have started to work out better for you but if not remember we're here to talk to anytime night or day. And don't forget that every experience starts in the mind so start there and you'll be halfway to the solution.

All my love,
Boo

YogaMama

Brigid wrote:

My 5th and final suggestion would be to do cardio work as often as you feel comfortable doing it. You probably already know this, but a 20-30 minute vigorous cardio workout will dramatically change your chemical/hormonal balance and you'll experience a strong feeling of well being almost immediately and afterwards and the more you do it the better you'll feel in general.

Brigid, you are so right. Two days ago, my husband had an awful day at work and did not feel like going to the gym AT ALL. But we went to gether anyways, and he was so glad he did. It made him feel so much better and he completely forgot about his horrible day. We were talking that night about how most people don't want to go exercise because they are tired, or just aren't feeling up for it, but if you just get in the habit of going, it makes such a difference in your life! Even just going for a 30 minute walk helps tremendously!

Brigid

I know. It's utterly amazing. You can even counteract bad psychiatric medications (ones that are NOT working for you) by exercising. It's one of the most powerful tools for well being we'll ever have. And it's FREE!! Yaaayyy!! All you have to do is work up a good sweat while doing something gentle but energetic for at least 30 minutes and the body and brain go into health and balance mode and all those good chemicals get released in quantities that can even bring someone back from the brink of suicide. It's amzing. Our bodies are amazing, aren't they YM?
(Could I say "amazing" a LITTLE more? lol!)