Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
How to "be with it" without resisting?
Woah93
Veteran
The title says it all really, if one wants to address and change certain negative patterns of thought he has become aware of occurring in daily life what is the best way to stay present and mindful and still sit with it without aversion or struggle? Just interested in learning how other's are doing it, seems lately I'm dealing with some anxiety and it only seems to be increasing. Especially at night even when I only had 2 hours of sleep the previous day I couldn't sleep. I felt very tired but some part of me just wouldn't let go for some reason and I began to feel anxious.
0
Comments
Maybe let it devour you and enjoy the dance.
If you get lots of wordy thoughts try and bring mind focal back to breathing, you can visualize green rolling hills as you breathe. Eventually you can drop the object and let cessate and arise within the awareness of livespace all particulars.
It's not an endurance thing as much per se. Do some jumping jacks.
And there is a lot more to breathing life into the teachings than seated meditation alone. Break out and do something nice for someone. You can reflect happily on being able to help them. This is a real offering to the Buddhas. Bring a beautiful inspiring memory to mind and let that freshness acclimate.
It is very good to recognize some patterning. The awareness which is witness can grow more and more. You can try becoming more mindful of your bodily sensations (internal and epidermal) and this will help link up one's ...for lack of better terms.. limbic system. The part of us that is dear and true, which lets emotions come party without getting bent outta shape when they flip the couch and use all the TP. Remodeling is great for homes built on sand. If you can be grateful for simply experiencing what is, you will be successful in training mental/physical ease.
Specifically, if you are looking for powerful practice ways you may be interested in Intermediate Stages of Meditation, by the Dalai Lama. Changed the direction and quality of my inner and outer life dramatically. (=
There are lots of good reasons to lie awake worrying. Money, relationships ect. But that is the wrong time to work out solutions. You are much better off sleeping at night.
Having a few nights of crappy sleep doesn't help your mental state during the day when solutions to problems are best delt with. The problem starts to compound.
Maybe see a doctor about some type of sleep aid. I find that 71/2 mg of mirtazapine is enough to give me a reasonable sleep with no side effects. 30mg is a standard adult dose for anxiety or depression. It's a pretty good product.
I think it's a boy!
You lucky dog!
Perfect time to do prostrations to the Buddha. Preferably the fat boy Buddha with the sack (he loves anxiety as an offering as he has hungry ghost realms to feed)
http://www.tibetdiscovery.com/tibet-buddhism/prostration-instruction/
108 of those should give you something to worry about . . .
Seriously, though, I was suffering from similar problems for the last two months - would get up at 3 am no matter what. Something in me would not let me sleep despite the tiredness of the flesh. It was awful. Now it is better.
They are great t t t t . . . oh wait that is Kellogg's Frosties and I prefer devouring muesli . . .
In the sense you mean it, allowing our devouring demon, anxiety or depression to overwhelm us may not be skilful. Both can be improved but not cured by prostrations, which make body chemicals that soothe the mind. For temp anxiety at night time I have taken chamomile or valerian tea. Stronger herbals exist, which may include skullcap.
NB: please do not devour tigers as they are an endangered puddy cat . . . ceiling cat is not amused . . .
There the practice of loving kindness (metta) and compassion will help. Compassion also requires the wisdom to understand that it is ok to be imperfect. It is ok to be anxious, that is just what minds often do. You don't blame a dog for barking or a baby for crying.
Then the acceptance and "wishing well" you actively create will calm down the aversion and the mind will be more peaceful as a result. Only then is it in my experience a time to 'just be with it'. If you become more skilled at it, acceptance and "just being with it" start to merge together and they may become more like one thing, but still the active practice of creating acceptance/loving kindness is one that will be very beneficial.
You may want to google a bit to find some meditation instructions on creating metta and compassion.
With actual metta!
Sabre
So there is thinking or thought.
Then there is feeling or sensation.
Smelling or smell.
Tasting or taste.
Hearing or sound.
And seeing or colors/shapes/forms.
Note the difference between thoughts interacting with the sense data verse pure sense data devoid of thoughts.
Then you can be with anything by relaxing into the immediate experience of "what is". What is, is all those experiencing listed above including thoughts/thinking.
Generally the split between thought and non-thought is done by creating a subjective vantage point as the witness or a conscious entity that watches everything arise and fall. That can be a helpful tool in the beginning as you can cultivate a lot of equanimity or "be with it" without push or pull.
The only problem with that is that it is a subtle form of I grasping with a heaping tingle of indifference.
So if you can just completely experience what is without a before, during or after. Then there is no need to be, or not be, or both or neither. Hope or fear become impossible because there is no x, y, or z axis to find.
I wish you well.
The first thing I would say is to remember: you're not doing anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this fear. It's not your fault that you cannot will yourself to feel a certain way. It's not your fault that you can't prevent your mind from having painful memories reactivated, or apprehending future frightful scenarios. Your mind is only doing what it evolved to do. In fact, it's doing it very well and this anxiety is a sign that there's more right with you than wrong with you. You are a living specimen of evolution at its zenith -- 100,000 years of natural selection have resulted in your exquisitely active brain.
In the face of this reality, what is the best option? IME, the best option is simply to accept that this is just what the mind-body complex does, and to respond to it with appreciation. This is a technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): When a fearful thought comes up, silent say "Thank you, mind!" It may help to express appreciation for just how efficient a machine it is. For example,
"Thank you, mind! Wow, that last pang of anxiety was really compelling! You really know how to put on quite a neurochemical show for me. You must have done a very good job of keeping my ancestors safe in the past. And now, you're trying to do the same thing for me."
Or, if you have a particularly critical or vindictive mind:
"Thank you, mind for that... um... convincing little story. It's one that you've fed me many times. I'm sort of sick of it by now, but I know you're only trying to protect me from what was a very painful experience. But, as this story only serves to demoralize me or make me feel worthless and alone, I think I'd rather just let it go for now."
^This last point is important: it's not whether a thought is true or not that's important, but whether it's helpful or not. What do you get from buying into this thought? Is it an old thought? Do you benefit from listening to this thought once more? If it's not helpful, then you need not pay it any attention.
Doing this helps disentangle you from the cycle of what psychologists call "experiential avoidance" -- that is, the tendency to create a fear-based relationship to our own thoughts, feelings, memories, and urges. Trying to fight the mind will only keep you trapped in an internal tug-of-war. You always have the option of simply dropping the rope and walking away (i.e., moving onto constructive actions). It may take practice, but sooner or later, the fear will not be such a problem anymore. You can see it simply for what it is -- a bit of personal history being evoked by the present -- and yet act and live outside of the stories your mind tells you.
Or water that taints not the lotus petal,
So the sage unattached remains,
In regard to what is seen, heard and sensed."
Often times people simply could use a friend with some emotional clarity to listen. It may be difficult at first, but ask your fellow housemates to try and explain how they feel. (attributing a role like "parent" or whatever can reflexively place a particular dynamic in effect)
Crack a joke, or just laugh at the absurdity, sometimes that can help break up a storm. But really just lend an ear. Maybe not amid a tussle, but one-on-one with each of your folks. You know, don't talk ill of anyone just listen and you can even remind that all beings want to be at ease and free of displeasure -
"perhaps more than to be loved, people want to be understood" - george orwell
a good friend helps weave people together in their closeness and makes those who are close closer
a better friend can teach them gradually how to listen to each other
ask if they are speaking from their thoughts or from their hearts
ps you'll find an awesome job. or lifestyle. whatever you want to call it. help your friends hash out this stuff and you can rely on the boomerang (;
When you refer to 'negative patterns of thought', it seems you're referring to the anxiety caused by the various stimuli?
Anxiety is in the mind, so you'll stand a better chance if you follow some good health cliches such as a balanced healthy diet, no stimulants after say 5pm and regular exercise (weight training + cardio are effective) in the evening is great if you want to sleep - this should promote a regular sleep pattern - aim for 8 hours.
Remove yourself from the stimulus when you can - nothing says you have to sit in between two arguing people.
These strategies may provide a little breathing room - especially sleep which has a massive effect on perception /mental processes.
All the best of luck.
practice makes perfect.
may sound kinda goofy but i dare you to try it!
http://viewonbuddhism.org/fear.html
this has some good stuff!
maybe it is your worldly job that is causing some of this suffering is your line of work something that improves the lives of those it affects or does it cause them suffering?
Anyway I do make money with my music and that keeps me busy a lot so I'm thankful for that occupation for the time being. Well yes that may be the trigger, but it sets off a certain train of thought which is feeding itself off the anxiety and then builds it up to a point where I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world... I know thoughts are just thoughts, feelings are just feelings and I shouldn't contribute to it, but it seems like I am not succeeding very much at doing that. Intellectually I'm not "anxious" or afraid, but I do tend to worry and doubt everything, including mindfulness and meditation itself in those moments when it's hard going.
See? There is always space for all phenomena to happen. In the next half hour I could meditate. If I never meditate for six years there will always be a space for about anything to happen. Even if you don't meditate your mind always has a space. Fill it up with meditation? Or drugs? Or music? There is always space. There is always a path. Do you see?
Link in to the space as you look out the window. Your heart can be free as a bird just for an instant. And then monkey mind cuts in. WE link out and out and out. Link in to the space.
Be a friend to yourself. You are the only friend who will be there at all times. Be a friend to yourself. See what is there. Experience is always just as it is. With family trouble that is just what is in the space. See what is there and just as you see it. Your mind is by nature clarity so you don't need to know what is there. It will unfold to you. Sit with your worst states. Sit there when the world is hard and just be with it. Be in the present. Just say to yourself "I am upset". Sit with it. Are you worried about the future? Sit with it as a worry. In the present it hasen't happened yet, but rather it is a worry. And finally don't make a big deal about your awareness. It is just clarity mind and is nothing special. It will always be here and does not come or go. Buddha has compassion for you and there is no such thing as a big deal. People are dying and having babies but it is all peaceful from the perspective of mindfulness of the present, being a friend to yourself and others. There is getting excited and worrying of course. But there is a background stillness to the mind. I liked a number of people's posts on this thread.
Take refuge. Buddha has a seat saved for you at the lunch table.
It pays to pay attention to the foundation - sleep deprivation is a form of torture - it breeds anxiety.
A lot like fixing anything - there are orders of priority... stop the leak, clear the area, patch the problem, mop the mess... all distict processes... no point mopping if it's still leaking.
As a matter of priority, try to sort out the sleep pattern irrespective and maintain consistency - this is a body process that you're inclined towards, so it's achievable.
You say 'you know' but... ... if you know, you know, right?
I'm leaning on @Jeffrey's point on taking refuge... here is a solution to worry and doubt.
Liberate your form of anxiety by letting it dissolve into the emptiness of your true nature.
http://livingwellnevada.com/yoga-2/anecdote-for-anxiety/
If you can be open and still while moving, then maybe sitting will come easier later on. Walking meditation allows us to focus on our breath and our footfalls while having to take everything around us into consideration.
We can use meditation in our daily activities to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is sometimes triggered by remindfulness so to be mindful while washing dishes, remind yourself you are washing dishes. Washing the dishes, we are aware that we are washing the dishes. We are not thinking about other deadlines or what movie to watch later, we are fully there, washing the dishes.
Ones emotional state changes. Anger is slightly more skilful than fear as it is a response that can lead to resolution, whereas fear can not resolve a situation. Anger is not helpful however compared with positive emotive conditions. Anger does dissipate and lessen with practice as does fear and anxiety and is replaced with more wholesome emotional states. We may not know the karmic cause of anger, though it can be named and explored in therapy.
Sitting with anger or frustration is interesting. It seems very intense and overwhelming. It is however very small and weak/protective. I always welcome, thank and mettafy (a new technical term to extend metta) afflictive emotions. They are dying for attention and when attended tend to die away in time anyhow . . .
:wave: