'date' with a new friend.

Jeffrey

Hi I just recently made a new friend on match.com. Today we are going to a festival down town. I am happy to go to a festival, but I am worried about keeping conversation flowing. I am kinda quiet. Luckily we are just friends and I don't have to worry about being 100% compatible. Any thoughts?

vinlyn

I would think about the "Tell me a little about yourself" scenario. How would you respond?

Jeffrey

I've been out with her about five times before I am just trying to think of more things to say. I am honestly curious how I would respond to "Tell me about yourself". I guess I would say that I enjoy peace and I am sometimes drowsy but sometimes myself. I do painting, computer forums, reading, movies, coffee, and watching sports.

Thanks for commenting @vinlyn

vinlyn

Well then, the ice has been broken, so that question is unlikely. But, good luck!

Jainarayan

Jeffrey said:

I guess I would say that I enjoy peace and I am sometimes drowsy but sometimes myself. I do painting, computer forums, reading, movies, coffee, and watching sports.

That sounds honest and just about right.

riverflow

Just ask questions. Each question can open up new paths to meander down. Not that each path needs to be walked down at that moment. Each question can become a new connection.

BhikkhuJayasara

If you are both ok with silence, then enjoy the silence and let any conversation flow naturally.

Whoever is least comfortable with silence will attempt to converse first hehe,

Dakini

The reason you're going to the festival is to enjoy whatever its offering. That, itself, should provide conversation topics. You can also ask about each other's family, share childhood experiences, talk about your interest in Buddhism/"philosophy", your goals in life. The possibilities are endless once you really think about it. Do a brainstorming session at home, and make a list of topics that pop into your head. Just doing that exercise will help.

Jeffrey

Excellent idea to brainstorm! It's working

Zero

Try not to be too worried as a few butterflies are healthy! You don't have to keep the conversation going - it's tough when it's a cold call like say if you're proposing on hitting on a random person at a bar... with a friend, the more time you spend together I think the more it becomes just about spending time together.
You could tell her for example that you feel you're a quiet guy and that causes you to worry in conversations... I don't think you have to tell her, I think if you relax and keep it natural then things flow... but for example, she may also be quiet and share the same worry - so if both of you feel hampered by worry and are focused on thinking of things to say rather than just sharing your time together naturally then it may cause awkwardness between you - caused more by both of your worries rather than an inherent incompatibility...
Your past encounters may be an indication - I think, if you've met up five times already then you must share things in common and enjoy eachothers' company and things must have flowed.
Stay loose and enjoy the time you have with her - really listen to what she says to you and be there.
Hope you have a great time at the festival.

Jeffrey

Thanks Zero/everybody.

fivebells

Yes, ask a lot of questions. Be warm and open in your listening to the responses.

Jeffrey

Wish me luck. Estimated time of departure T minus 15 minutes.

vinlyn

If you're still there...ask some good questions that will spur conversation...but don't the person with questions.

Jeffrey

but don't the person with questions

?

did you mean not overdue it with questions?

vinlyn

I'm sorry, I meant to write don't "pepper" the person with questions. You don't want to seem snoopy or like an interrogation.

lobster

:clap:

How did it go? Eh ma ho. :thumbsup:

sova

in general i really love the questions

what is your dream job

what is your dream life?

what are things you love to do?

and i remind people that these are just things to let ponder while we do other stuff - the most honest answers take a minute to bubble-up.

it is very smart to have an event to go to together - good work jeffmans

betaboy

vinlyn said:

I'm sorry, I meant to write don't "pepper" the person with questions. You don't want to seem snoopy or like an interrogation.

First rule of dating: Never ask her if she has a criminal record.
Not only is it unflattering, but worst of all she might actually have one.

Jeffrey

Went good lobster and everybody. Being at the event was inherently fun. I talked to her with no problem as she is easy to talk to. We went to the event for awhile and they hadn't set up a lot of the food yet so we just had bites of things. I wished I had four arms to hold a food tray, 'tickets', and a wine glass (yes I don't follow 5th precept except for avoiding heedlessness) So we went and grabbed a pizza afterword (at my favorite reastaurant) rather than stay longer. The whole time I had no problem talking and I just think she is really comfortable with me. We discussed the feeling I had that I was boring and she said that a boring person isn't caused by not having an eventful day. We actually discussed Meyer Brigg personality thing and she thought I was extroverted probably because I always listen to her stories and I chatted with a lot of people in the wine and food booths.


:om: (it was helpful to know that I was self reliant and had the dharma even if one person didn't work out) Of course it also turns out that she is into me. It makes it easier that I don't have to worry about her as a girl friend just be friends.

Thanks everyone for the communication. It was reassuring to read some of your responses.

sova

"a boring person isn't caused by not having an eventful day" - wise girl you've found my friend (:

lobster

She sounds great. :clap: This sounds so healthy.
Of all the genders, women are my favourite, followed by gender x, with men a close third.

I am such a sexist Viva la difference