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The Art of Letting Go??
Pollyanna83
Explorer
On a daily basis, I struggle with letting go (don't we all?). It seems to have invaded every area of my life. Letting go of past (perceived) shameful decisions, letting go of who I think I should be at the moment, letting go of who I was, letting go of fears that I won't be happy, etc etc. I also struggle with anxiety and depression and can't seem to let go of the thought that I will never get past this hard time in my life. I realize that change does not happen over night and this will take time and courage. I'm wondering how to offer myself some compassion, patience and love when it comes to the practice of deep letting go outside of just saying "let it go".
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Comments
The letting go is not an active action, it's what comes easy and naturally through the practice. The example used is that just like you don't put your hand in the fire because you know it will burn, so the letting go happens when insight arises.
Now back to self talk and Metta. When I am mired in negative mind states and have no energy or desire to practice and be mindful, then I fall back on self talk. I remind myself that I am only human and that it's ok to experience these states and for your mind to make the judgements and have the thoughts it's having. Then I will say you are doing good and keep up the practice. It's amazing how your mind reacts to kindness, validation, and freedom.. because you let it go.
It is a constant and life long training and we all move through the ups and downs, peaks and valleys our mind.
What can you stop trying to control?
Not just letting go, also allowing the well being to come forth . . .
:thumbsup:
I am there with you.
My life has gone to shit, everything I believe in has gone to shit and basically I am teetering on the edge of depression and insanity.
Oddly enough this is workable.
The dharma is practiced by people like us. We've tried it all. Many times. Many many many many times. And we somehow are stubborn enough to believe something will actually work out in this coming and going realm.
The best thing about letting go is that it is happening whether we like it or not.
Life is in a continual fluxing of becoming. Constantly there are new mind states, new sensations, new experiences. Even the clinging onto the continuity of our symbolic presentation of the self is new and fresh in each instant. Our suffering also is new and fresh, having different depths and textures. For instances my suffering comes in waves, lots of waves and peaks and then I mello out and then it comes again.
Usually what this means is that we aren't really dedicating our lives to this thing called dharma. It is entertainment for us. A passing hobby to move from dysfunctional depression to being functionally numb.
But we really need to ask ourselves the hard questions. What the hell do I want from this short life? Is dharma worth applying and dedicating our lives to?
And really I hit rock bottom this week. I'm tired of samsara. And its time for me to orientate my life towards the dharma and nothing but the dharma.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn22/sn22.059.nymo.html
Your meditation practice, however you practice it, is WORKING.
I keep telling myself this too. All the crap we did not see before is now obvious, and everywhere we look! It was always there, haunting us from beneath, driving our cravings and poor decisions. We were suffering terribly before we 'knew' what it was, and now, knowing what it is, we have an opportunity to feel the pain and release the suffering.
You are very, very smart (and right) to see that it is YOU clinging to all the negative. I had myself convinced it was following me around and wouldn't leave me alone. In a manner of speaking, I woke up a little and turned around turned to look it in the face. Each day I spend time with it, seems like all my meditation time (not to mention a huge portion of time when I mindfully contemplate and observe) is coated and struggling within this muck.
What I've been doing is reminding myself again and again this is a necessary part of the process -- like getting a big, cosmic enema. Everything looks and feels like shit. But oh, to feel the silence and lightness of less and less shit!!
Also, I've been FORCING myself to listen to and read books by very positive, loving and compassionate teachers like Thich Nhat Hanh, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, etc; they practically oooze lovingkindness, self forgiveness, and beg us gently and persistently to effing LET GO. Normally (not a good thing for me) I would sniff at such sentimentalism in my selection of teachings, and I still get a little gaggy when the lovingkindness aimed at myself runs thick.
I realize I've been trying to drag my whole past forward with me, and trust me, I've been hoarding every last ugly thing.
I meditate on letting go, I contemplate letting go, I say LET GO, I think LET GO and (gagging a little) have faith in my intention to LET GO.
It also helps, when you 'hear' the naysaying thoughts to remember they are not true, there's no proof on Heaven or Earth you'll forever be crawling in slime and self-loathing, I mean, seriously. You and I are no different, in terms of Buddhahood, than Thich Nhat Hanh or Nagarjuna or Bodhidharma or Pema Chodron or your beloved teacher and dharma pals
Gassho
In another thread someone mentioned the idea of not being constipationally Buddhist but incorporating whatever is useful from other resources.
We of the internet age have a lot of resources. We have to find what it takes. Eat the right food. Listen to the calming. Talk through our difficulties and so on.
I feel good when I sit. Gonna do that soon. Others need to sing to music. Do yoga or extra walking. Whatever it takes. Well being. Kindness to our self.
(((((hugs)))))) (((((hugs)))))) (((((hugs))))))
(((((Group cyber hug))))))
Hello Pollyanna......more often than not its the people who suffer alot that are the kindest people.
Just an idea but when I have trouble with the negatives 'sticking' I try to imagine what I would say to a friend that is experiencing difficulties I know I'm good at making others happy (been a people pleaser all my life not always a good thing...nevertheless it's nice to be nice)
Maybe think of your outer having a chat with your inner or vise versa...apply what kind words you would say to others in difficulty and maybe feel how good it would feel if they 'heard' you
Know grasping/clinging when it arises
When it arises actively abandon it
Every time this clinging is abandoned know and internalize the good that results from not being reactive.
In short it's being mindful of what arises
Real short version I hope that helps