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Buddhism is a lonely practice. Just a comment on my personal experience. Not a "truth"
Living alone before I began... for a long time. With the practice in place for 3 or 4 years now, the lonliness has intensified. Now I see all my faults more clearly. I see my struggle to pay attention to them as they arise, and it makes for a very isolated existence. Strange.....and uncomfortable. My inclination is to drop all of this "mind watching" and go back to a less shattered way of living. As I say...just a comment.
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I've read that in Zen, often people go to sit Zazen & even to retreats and after a long while they notice that they don't know the people that go there very well because people come, sit & leave.
There are 84000 doors to the dharma, maybe you need to shop around & find a meditation center more to your liking.
So you see your faults now, and you pay attention to them. That is a good thing!
Now here comes the hard part- see the faults, assess them, decide how to better yourself, and then...... release them.
Forgiveness is a huge deal in Buddhism. But we often forget to forgive ourselves.
Forgiveness doesn't mean make excuses, or blame others for "making us" do things or say things we shouldn't....
Forgiving ourselves mean to assess, decide to do things better, and then release and move on. Dwelling on the past is not productive. You can't change it, only learn from it.
If you've done something or said something - to someone else - that you can change or apologize for, go for it. But other than that, you can't undo the past.
As for being alone... is there a reason you're alone and not out being social with people? I ask because you mentioned that you've been living alone for a while before all this "mind watching" began.
but we don't really have a choice.
everything else is about choices, what ifs, the game.
but buddhism is about stepping out.
and there is a lot of us that goes fuck that.
but what else is there to do?
20 years on, and I am still alone…Where do I go now, what is there to do?
"Now I see all my faults more clearly. I see my struggle to pay attention to them as they arise, and it makes for a very isolated existence."
suggestion: work with it - separation from the whole isolates our self, it's hard to put it in any other way - observe it, view the illusion and the subsequent delusion.
@maryanne
You have obviously struck gold. Start to forgive your self and the experience can only become positive.
My dyslexic son has very negative attitude to everything. I gave him a good talking too this morning when he said 'you're religious and I'm not.' I said I am not religious, I am following a philosophy that has proved itself to be right and forgiving. I told him my understanding of the 4NT and went on to talk about the 8FP. I suggested he try to do one simple thing with the intention of making someone happy, and try to be nice to one person today and see what it does to them and how it makes you feel.
He has a particular type of humour. He retorted with a wry smile, as I dropped him off- 'have a nice day' he said. I did.
Other people are hiding from their self, constant seeking entertainment, pleasure , fear of actually digging deep to the core.
Its some of the practice to actually feel how it is to be in a state of groundlessness.
But maybe meeting a sangha could be a good choice for you or a guidance from a good teacher?
Feeling alone, not required.
What I wonder, will bring the shattered shards into community/sangha/integration? :wave:
Meet other people and see the positive things around you, brake this pattern with a mantra or positive self talk, You are what you think you are, as they say.
Maybe you need to be a better friend with your self?
:thumbup:
I think in most of our cases, we don't have too many friends or people we know that practice Buddhism, or even meditate. So though we feel strongly about the direction we are taking and are compelled to practice, this can sometimes create a feeling of separation. But it is us who have to practice, us who have to recognize our minds nature, etc. And as Dennis was kind of getting at, we can gain strength from our own practice to integrate better with our surroundings and general day to day experience. From my experience if being around a few real practitioner's, it is almost natural that people generally want to be around them- whether because of the calmness they bring, or things like that. In fact, I've been told you can often see the benefit's of a person's individual practice by the effect on those around them.
Bodhicitta is always the answer. So many teachers have said there is no better practice
Cultivating boddhicitta is so hard though. When you can barely give yourself time and compassion, how can you possibly give all others infinite compassion.
Become a buddha I suppose - it's a natural progression!
Eat an anchovie. Sing in the shower ... loud. Go outside and stay longer than expected. Polish a piece of silver. Put your underwear on backwards. Call a high school friend you haven't talked to in a while. Kiss your parakeet. Write a bad poem ... or a good one. Stop at a dive you've never been in and have a beer. Ask directions. Tell the cashier at the supermarket that her hair looks nice. Imagine if everything were blue. Tell a dirty joke ... or a clean one. Imagine that Buddhism had disappeared. Flap your arms.
Every day, just do one thing without expecting a response.
Just do one thing.
in the middle...... Gratitude for all the comments.
as for the practice. The Buddha talked about this a good amount. No one can take our sufferings for us, no one can deliver us but ourselves, it is a "lonely" path for sure. However, when Ananda said " wise friendship is half of the holy life", the Buddha, as he often does to our amusement, corrected Ananda and said no, wise friendship is ALL of the holy life. When we surround ourselves with wise friends who are on the path, we are more likely to flourish in our path.
the one caveat to the "lonely path" thing is that EVERYONE ELSE is in the same boat, and in that way we are all connected, and never alone. This is why Metta is important, and perhaps Metta is what is missing for you?
Metta practice is as important to the path as anapanasati and vipassana, and helps with lonliness and depression and the like. When your metta, your boundless friendliness, envelopes all of the multiverse, all the beings in all the universes and planes of existence IN existence.. how can you ever feel alone ?:)
Not that I DO have faith. Just that it is possible that I can. Even in the midst of a lonely river. It's a smile that I leave here for all that replied. My palms together.