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Fear of thoughts being read and therefore being obsessed with the worst thoughts.

I've lived with this issue for a while now. I feel I am sending negative thoughts that I don't mean to send out and to people who do not deserve these negative thoughts from me. I've meditated on n off for years and it does help, especially open eyed meditation because it keeps me awake and because I catch myself sending out these thoughts right when I am blinking.

Open eyed meditation helped the most, that and keeping a poker face when all this is going on.

Anyone reccomend a certain type of meditation to keep myself quiet and keep my thoughts to myself.

Comments

  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran
    Seems a little cryptic to me; is your underlying intention to harm people with your thoughts?

  • I've lived with this issue for a while now.
    I feel I am sending negative thoughts that I don't mean to send out and to people who do not deserve these negative thoughts from me.
    I've meditated on n off for years and it does help, especially open eyed meditation because it keeps me awake and because I catch myself sending out these thoughts right when I am blinking.

    Anyone reccomend a certain type of meditation to keep myself quiet and keep my thoughts to myself.

    Meditation doesn't serve too well as an anaesthetic.
    What makes you sure you're 'sending out' thoughts?
    How did this proposition come to be accepted?
    person
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran
    Do you think people can read your thoughts @maximumstillness?
  • I have the same thing. I have shizoeffective disorder. Have you been diagnosed with something?

    My lama says that clever stategies don't work. You just have to realize that your thoughts are just empty arisings.
  • My voices call the bad thoughts langenbrenners which means long burner in german. I speak a little german.
  • anataman said:

    Seems a little cryptic to me; is your underlying intention to harm people with your thoughts?

    No I do not want to harm people with my thoughts. Now people that deserve to be thought of negatively I have no problem thinking negatively about, however this I think negatively towards anybody around because of this fear. It overcomes me, takes my breath and like a tourette syndrome I think of the thought that I do not want to think of.
  • Zero said:


    I've lived with this issue for a while now.
    I feel I am sending negative thoughts that I don't mean to send out and to people who do not deserve these negative thoughts from me.
    I've meditated on n off for years and it does help, especially open eyed meditation because it keeps me awake and because I catch myself sending out these thoughts right when I am blinking.

    Anyone reccomend a certain type of meditation to keep myself quiet and keep my thoughts to myself.

    Meditation doesn't serve too well as an anaesthetic.
    What makes you sure you're 'sending out' thoughts?
    How did this proposition come to be accepted?
    I am sure because of the discomfort I feel and the perceived discomfort the person I sense from the person I am projecting my thoughts to.

    I'm not sure what you mean by your last sentence.


  • misecmisc1misecmisc1 I am a Hindu India Veteran
    when you realize you are thinking negatively, just stop at that moment and negate your negative thoughts with their opposite positive thoughts. then try to watch your breath. try to be in present moment as much as you can, by feeling the 5 types of sensations coming to you through your 5 sense organs.

    metta to you and all sentient beings.
    Barra
  • Bunks said:

    Do you think people can read your thoughts @maximumstillness?

    I feel like they can read the negative thought, not every single word just the loud negative thought that I embodied at that moment.
  • We're creating the conflict in our head before there's any conflict. When anger or aversion arises, sit with it and let it dissolve. Don't create or add anything that's not there. Anger and aversion is normal, everyone has it. It's what we add to it that gets us into trouble.
  • Jeffrey said:

    I have the same thing. I have shizoeffective disorder. Have you been diagnosed with something?

    My lama says that clever stategies don't work. You just have to realize that your thoughts are just empty arisings.

    I see, no I have not been diagnosed with anything atm.

    I have tried to just almost label the thoughts as just thoughts, even going as far to communicate that to the person I feel is reading into my thoughts through my gestures.

    It is just empty arisings, I hope it will be just that and it quietly goes away.
  • wangchuey said:

    We're creating the conflict in our head before there's any conflict. When anger or aversion arises, sit with it and let it dissolve. Don't create or add anything that's not there. Anger and aversion is normal, everyone has it. It's what we add to it that gets us into trouble.

    I understand what you mean. I guess just letting it be is best.




    wangchuey
  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran
    Try reciting medicine Buddha mantra. This sonde like a scenario where it may be useful for you and for the person you are sending negatives thoughts to. If you can embody its intent and meaning you might transform your negativity.
  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran
    I'd recommend metta bhavana or tonglen.
    anataman

  • I am sure because of the discomfort I feel and the perceived discomfort the person I sense from the person I am projecting my thoughts to.

    I'm not sure what you mean by your last sentence.

    It sounds like you're basing your conclusion on your bare observations alone.
    Have you incorporated any wriggle room to take account of the fact that you may be completely wrong about this conclusion?
    As an example, has any other source concurred with your conclusion that your thoughts are 'sent out' and / or 'received' and / or have any effect whatsoever outside of a say more conventional or conservative explanation.

    What I meant by asking 'How did this proposition come to be accepted?' is that there was a time when you did not consider your thoughts in this way and there was a time where you did consider your thoughts in this way - what happened between the two positions that you swayed towards the latter and then concluded that there was no other possible position?
    anataman
  • I recognize your problem, and similar thoughts sometimes cross my mind when I talk to someone: "If they could read my mind they might be shocked!". My solution is to realize that I cannot do more than to acknowledge my good and bad parts, and take responsibility for them (which means making some effort to work on them). The outcome of this in the here and now is that I have flaws, and this I have to accept. When I speak to someone, all I can do is to offer them the full package, with flaws and with good traits, and whether the other person accepts me is not in my hands. If you have good thoughts and bad thoughts, and are intent to act on the good thoughts, then you have no reason to put blame on yourself. And if you can accept someone who is having bad thoughts (as I am sure you can), then you know that others are capable of this also, so just leave this part to them.
    maximumstillnessBarra
  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran
    edited February 2014

    I'd recommend metta bhavana or tonglen.

    I think you are right @Spinynorman, generating compassion for others is a good antidote for negativity. @maximumstillness, I don't know your background or experience but offer you this Tonglen guided meditation:



    In fact I will do it as well I haven't done it for a little while...

    Mettha
    maximumstillness
  • When I was in high school, I thought that when I wasn't paying attention, I was 'lip-syncing' my thoughts or even saying them out loud. This made me worry that I was threatening people or saying embarrassing things about myself. I used to form suction in my mouth when I left one class to go to another. That way, if I made it to the other class and the suction was still there, I knew I hadn't said my thoughts (sigh - high school was difficult).

    Trying to quiet the thoughts or (sigh again) keep yourself from unwittingly saying them like I did isn't effective. The cause of the issue is just general anxiety. This is a very OCD type response to anxiety. What helped me was to notice the anxiety I was feeling in general and just be ok with it. Just saying, "Well, I'm anxious, that's ok. It's probably not about anything in particular, just my over anxious brain being anxious for chemical reasons." Then, if something came up to worry about, I'd write it keep a list to 'worry about later'. And later that day, when I could be alone and feel a bit safer, I'd take out the list and check to see if any of the things on my list needed attention.

    Another thing that was extremely useful for me was noticing the physical reaction to anxiety I was having. Every emotion has a corresponding muscular reaction, and in negative emotion, often times the reaction is unpleasant even though we don't notice it. Next time you're feeling anxious, try to notice your brow, or shoulders or back or butt or chest and see if your clenching them. If so, try to 'breathe in' to them and relax them. This has a dual benefit of actually relaxing your mind and interrupting the thought pattern of anxiety and switching control to a different part of your brain. This type of skill has been by far the most useful for me fighting anxiety. PM me if you want some book or link suggestions to learn more.

    Be gentle with yourself and breath deep often.
    lobsteranatamanpersonmaximumstillness
  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran
    maarten said:

    "If they could read my mind they might be shocked!".

    The funny thing is they probably wouldn't be.;)
    anataman
  • Zero said:


    I am sure because of the discomfort I feel and the perceived discomfort the person I sense from the person I am projecting my thoughts to.

    I'm not sure what you mean by your last sentence.

    It sounds like you're basing your conclusion on your bare observations alone.
    Have you incorporated any wriggle room to take account of the fact that you may be completely wrong about this conclusion?
    As an example, has any other source concurred with your conclusion that your thoughts are 'sent out' and / or 'received' and / or have any effect whatsoever outside of a say more conventional or conservative explanation.

    What I meant by asking 'How did this proposition come to be accepted?' is that there was a time when you did not consider your thoughts in this way and there was a time where you did consider your thoughts in this way - what happened between the two positions that you swayed towards the latter and then concluded that there was no other possible position?
    Sometimes I know that it's just in my mind. No one has told me in a straight up way that they read my thoughts. However I feel many people are responding to me by either listening to me and what negative thought they might get or communicating in other subtle ways.

    This is the main thing, it's the subtle communication and I feel I am exaggerating the thought aspect of it.

    It just happened one day, I was mad and started to thinking negatively towards the people around me. Then I sensed they were picking up on it and it threw me into a spiral of paranoia. From then on I was scared to be around anyone because the paranoia would persist and I would resist my negative thoughts.. my resistance to the negative thoughts probably kept it going. I'd clench my fingers, hold my breath, cover it up with other thoughts, etc...

    I've tried to let the thoughts just be, but it screams out of me in the worst times. When the situation comes that the thoughts arise, I feel no sense of control. I believe it is just
  • twaitsfan said:

    When I was in high school, I thought that when I wasn't paying attention, I was 'lip-syncing' my thoughts or even saying them out loud. This made me worry that I was threatening people or saying embarrassing things about myself. I used to form suction in my mouth when I left one class to go to another. That way, if I made it to the other class and the suction was still there, I knew I hadn't said my thoughts (sigh - high school was difficult).

    Trying to quiet the thoughts or (sigh again) keep yourself from unwittingly saying them like I did isn't effective. The cause of the issue is just general anxiety. This is a very OCD type response to anxiety. What helped me was to notice the anxiety I was feeling in general and just be ok with it. Just saying, "Well, I'm anxious, that's ok. It's probably not about anything in particular, just my over anxious brain being anxious for chemical reasons." Then, if something came up to worry about, I'd write it keep a list to 'worry about later'. And later that day, when I could be alone and feel a bit safer, I'd take out the list and check to see if any of the things on my list needed attention.

    Another thing that was extremely useful for me was noticing the physical reaction to anxiety I was having. Every emotion has a corresponding muscular reaction, and in negative emotion, often times the reaction is unpleasant even though we don't notice it. Next time you're feeling anxious, try to notice your brow, or shoulders or back or butt or chest and see if your clenching them. If so, try to 'breathe in' to them and relax them. This has a dual benefit of actually relaxing your mind and interrupting the thought pattern of anxiety and switching control to a different part of your brain. This type of skill has been by far the most useful for me fighting anxiety. PM me if you want some book or link suggestions to learn more.

    Be gentle with yourself and breath deep often.

    I know exactly what you mean....

    I will try your recommended methods for relaxation.
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    Zero said:


    I am sure because of the discomfort I feel and the perceived discomfort the person I sense from the person I am projecting my thoughts to.

    I'm not sure what you mean by your last sentence.

    It sounds like you're basing your conclusion on your bare observations alone.
    Have you incorporated any wriggle room to take account of the fact that you may be completely wrong about this conclusion?
    As an example, has any other source concurred with your conclusion that your thoughts are 'sent out' and / or 'received' and / or have any effect whatsoever outside of a say more conventional or conservative explanation.

    What I meant by asking 'How did this proposition come to be accepted?' is that there was a time when you did not consider your thoughts in this way and there was a time where you did consider your thoughts in this way - what happened between the two positions that you swayed towards the latter and then concluded that there was no other possible position?
    Sometimes I know that it's just in my mind. No one has told me in a straight up way that they read my thoughts. However I feel many people are responding to me by either listening to me and what negative thought they might get or communicating in other subtle ways.

    This is the main thing, it's the subtle communication and I feel I am exaggerating the thought aspect of it.

    It just happened one day, I was mad and started to thinking negatively towards the people around me. Then I sensed they were picking up on it and it threw me into a spiral of paranoia. From then on I was scared to be around anyone because the paranoia would persist and I would resist my negative thoughts.. my resistance to the negative thoughts probably kept it going. I'd clench my fingers, hold my breath, cover it up with other thoughts, etc...

    I've tried to let the thoughts just be, but it screams out of me in the worst times. When the situation comes that the thoughts arise, I feel no sense of control. I believe it is just
    I would seriously consider professional therapy if you can. I used to suffer a lot from anxiety but time with a psychiatrist plus meditation has helped me greatly!

    Good luck to you...
    maximumstillnessBarra
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    If we, as Buddha said, create the world with our thoughts, then you are creating your own discomfort by thinking about your thoughts and giving them more power than they truly have. When you are going about your life, do you suddenly receive thoughts from other people (positive or negative) is if you are reading your mind? Probably not,so why would you assume it happens to someone else? Most people are far too busy with their own monkey minds to worry about ours :) Don't be so hard on yourself. Investigate with some detachment, realize your ego comes up with these things, but it's not really YOU, it's just your ego putting up walls and separating itself. It doesn't have to control you.

    Also, I would be cautious of giving yourself permission to think negatively about someone who deserves it. Most often we have no idea why people do what they do, but we can figure out why we are annoyed or angry or whatever, and it really never has anything to do with the other person. If you give yourself permission to think negatively about some people/situations, then it makes sense that those types of thoughts seep in even when you don't want them to.

    Even if people might sense something about you, most likely they are not sensing that you are thinking about them, but sensing the stress you are putting yourself under. Breathe out and let the thoughts go, they will float away like dandelion fluff.

    If it is causing you so much stress and pain and worry, it's definitely looking into seeing a therapist who can help you figure out what is going on. Be kind and gentle with yourself :) You deserve it just as much as the people you are concerned with offending.
    lobstermaximumstillnessanataman
  • Well said Zero. I would also reiterate that if you can try to watch your body to look for the anxiety when the spiral starts, it changes the part of the brain that is most active. Sometimes it completely breaks the thought process, which in this case is a good thing.
  • I think we need to admit that what is going on in our heads doesn't make much sense some of the time. As Zero said, thoughts will come and go as they will.
    Others don't have to know what's going on, unless we are intimate with them.
    I find that the first communication should be a smile, even if your mind is telling you that the other person is an asshole. How can someone feel negativity coming from you when you are smiling at them?
    Thailand is called the land of smiles. Smiling seems to be pretty important here. Most people here want to like you or at least to have a pleasant exchange. By starting with a smile you can quickly move to humour and a more friendly exchange even with a total language barrier.
    It's a pretty basic human communication that gets overlooked sometimes.

    lobstermaximumstillness
  • think of the sound of a temple bell and send that out to others.
    lobster
  • think of the sound of a temple bell and send that out to others.

    Good plan.

  • twaitsfan said:

    Well said Zero. I would also reiterate that if you can try to watch your body to look for the anxiety when the spiral starts, it changes the part of the brain that is most active. Sometimes it completely breaks the thought process, which in this case is a good thing.

    I will definitely try that.
  • robot said:

    I think we need to admit that what is going on in our heads doesn't make much sense some of the time. As Zero said, thoughts will come and go as they will.
    Others don't have to know what's going on, unless we are intimate with them.
    I find that the first communication should be a smile, even if your mind is telling you that the other person is an asshole. How can someone feel negativity coming from you when you are smiling at them?
    Thailand is called the land of smiles. Smiling seems to be pretty important here. Most people here want to like you or at least to have a pleasant exchange. By starting with a smile you can quickly move to humour and a more friendly exchange even with a total language barrier.
    It's a pretty basic human communication that gets overlooked sometimes.

    time to give it a try, hope i don't scare anybody
  • Meditation on loving kindness?
  • howhow Veteran Veteran
    Thought police rules!

    You have continuous data available to you from your eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind.
    The dominance and control of one data source (example, thoughts) over the others is a common example of how the ego maintains it's delusive existence.

    If you find one data source (in your case consistent thoughts) that seems to dominate over the others, just scan and re open all the other muffled data sources to re-find your balance again.
    You don't need to spend any time judging or censoring the content of one dominating data source as long as your other data sources are getting equal billing.
    maximumstillness
  • I'll give you a trick that I work with.

    So say this in your mind. I am a loser.

    Keep repeating it like a mantra.

    Then go I am a.

    Then go I am.

    Then go I.

    Start to create space between the words. I, I, I, I, I.

    So that it never reaches the am, a, loser.

    Relax totally into the space between the words.
    maximumstillness
  • That is an interesting trick Taiyaki. My voices call me an emotional vampire and I tried that technique. It was very interesting the mental feeling when I went through that exercise.
    Hamsaka
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran
    I know nothing about you maximumstillness so what I have to say may completely miss, but speaking from my own experience you may come from a similar situation.

    When children grow up in a home with unpredictable parents they learn to unconsciously read every little sign in body language, speech patterns, etc. from that parent to try to anticipate their parent's behavior so they can adjust their own attitude to try to influence the parent to act in a nicer way towards them.

    So when these children grow up they are very adept at reading subtle cues in other people and at first are generally unaware that this is what they are doing. They will then try to control their own behavior to effect other people, reenacting the relationship they had with their parent.

    This is how things have been for me. I tend to be very sensitive and reactive toward any possible sign of discomfort or displeasure from others.

    If this pattern fits you at all your attempts to control your thoughts are maybe your way of positively influencing others.

    Remember, most other people simply aren't as sensitive as you are to whatever subtle cues you maybe sending out with your thought patterns.

    The only way I know to deal with it is the long process of working on yourself and in particular developing an open and loving heart. Though that is something particularly difficult for those who have been betrayed by a parent.

    If this is not you sorry for using your thread to expose myself.
    robotmaximumstillnesszsc
  • footiam said:

    Meditation on loving kindness?

    I have a long way to go
  • how said:

    Thought police rules!

    You have continuous data available to you from your eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind.
    The dominance and control of one data source (example, thoughts) over the others is a common example of how the ego maintains it's delusive existence.

    If you find one data source (in your case consistent thoughts) that seems to dominate over the others, just scan and re open all the other muffled data sources to re-find your balance again.
    You don't need to spend any time judging or censoring the content of one dominating data source as long as your other data sources are getting equal billing.

    I have tried this method before with some success. I will definitely try to find the balance.

    The best thing so far that I came upon is not taking my fears to heart and letting it just be fearful thoughts. I hope this is the key to it all.
  • person said:

    I know nothing about you maximumstillness so what I have to say may completely miss, but speaking from my own experience you may come from a similar situation.

    When children grow up in a home with unpredictable parents they learn to unconsciously read every little sign in body language, speech patterns, etc. from that parent to try to anticipate their parent's behavior so they can adjust their own attitude to try to influence the parent to act in a nicer way towards them.

    So when these children grow up they are very adept at reading subtle cues in other people and at first are generally unaware that this is what they are doing. They will then try to control their own behavior to effect other people, reenacting the relationship they had with their parent.

    This is how things have been for me. I tend to be very sensitive and reactive toward any possible sign of discomfort or displeasure from others.

    If this pattern fits you at all your attempts to control your thoughts are maybe your way of positively influencing others.

    Remember, most other people simply aren't as sensitive as you are to whatever subtle cues you maybe sending out with your thought patterns.

    The only way I know to deal with it is the long process of working on yourself and in particular developing an open and loving heart. Though that is something particularly difficult for those who have been betrayed by a parent.

    If this is not you sorry for using your thread to expose myself.

    It is true that I am very sensitive to subtle cues from people. I believe it is time to step up to the fear though and communicate directly to people eye to eye instead of trying to control things from the subtle realm. For me this is better way.
    personlobsterzsc
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