Very New But The Journey Has Begun
StoneReader
New
I have had a long road with suffering in my short 28 years of existence. I have always believed in being kind to others and helping them, to the point where I dedicated myself to a career in Social Work as a mental health counselor. I have a severe mental illness, and it has caused me much suffering, but it didn't beat me and now I want to help others who are suffering too.
But the major breakthrough was a few days ago when, late at night, I was stewing over anger at my parents for the abuse and negligence I've endured and continue to face daily as I live with them. How could they cause me so much pain? Then I realized that inside, they are hurt little children because their parents abused and neglected them. I realized they are suffering too. And I started to cry for them. Before then I had not felt any compassion for them. This taught me that life is suffering, but how we choose to deal with it and react to it, is a choice.
Also, I have found the Buddhist philosophy is useful when dealing with my psychotic symptoms. The other night I was hearing voices. I don't remember what they said, because I did not listen to them deeply. I didn't attribute positivity or negativity to them, I simply accepted that they exist, and allowed them to, and when they were gone, I did not miss them or feel angry. I felt nothing. And quickly fell asleep instead of allowing them to torment me. I felt very peaceful. No distress or agitation. I wonder if this would work for others. 
In any case, my journey has begun. I want to become more compassionate and help others who are suffering, to let them know there are other options. I want to heal my past wounds.
Comments
Yes glad you found an answer to your question of truth. Some of us have been hurt more than others. But we all have what we need to just be. My non-grasping is good and your non-grasping is also good. There is enough space for all of our feelings.
Welcome aboard StoneReader
. The path of Buddhism may not immediately eliminate your suffering, but your suffering will stop being 'for nothing'.
Suffering is your greatest teacher.
If we didn't have suffering in our lives we wouldn't have the opportunity to grow into the beautiful compassionate creatures we all have the ability to become.
Good luck on your journey @StoneReader.
There are many gates of awakening and awakening to the gate of tears especially realising it for your parents, rather than your own selfishness, is a special one!
Metta
Wonderful. Know that many of us who read your post rejoice in your eye-opening (heart-opening?) experience.
Iz plan!
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I would suggest you are already compassionate and furthermore compassion starts with our self. That means developing a regular, usually sitting or walking practice. Those are the rocket fuel practices.
Is that part of your plan?
http://www.mindspace.org.uk/2012/01/14-day-meditation-challenge-2/
Just be.
Thank you all for the good responses!
I don't think suffering will ever be eliminated for me, and I'm accepting of that. As Bunks said, suffering is our greatest teacher. I'm always learning and growing, so I'm sure suffering will be my teacher throughout my life. But maybe I will learn how to be more accepting of it, and that it will not be so painful.
I told my counselor about how I dealt with the voices and in psychology it is called dissociation.
@stonereader, there are a lot of therapists and researchers in the mental health field who have discovered similar approaches towards mental illness you have described. Steven Hayes, Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, Jon Kabat Zinn, Daniel Siegal, Jack Kornfield, Paul Gilbert, Rick Hansen, Tara Brach and a host of others all have approaches rooted in Buddhist teachings and they have proven it to be very effective. There is no shortage of teachers who believe as you do. You yourself are proof of its efficacy and you discovered it yourself. Congratulations.
I would refocus your attention on the word dukkha, and study it's other meanings (for instance FRUSTRATION and TENSION amongst others that you might read about - the fact that this word is interpreted as SUFFERING in the west makes many of us feel we are being tormented and victimised, when in fact we are responsible for what goes out and what we receive. We are not separate entities from the world we coexist in.
Let me give you an example. I've been stewing pretty much all weekend because I'm fighting constantly with my 2 teenage sons, both told me they hate me and have been shouting a lot at me - and it's been reciprocated - why? I told him to clean their football boots, put their dirty clothes in the wash basket and have a shower after football training. So we argued, I started imposing restrictions and penalties, this then escalated to things being thrown around the house, doors and things being broken, and then my wife and I ended up arguing because my aggressive attitude was not helpful to the situation - not that she forgot that at one point she was shouting at them louder than I was as she told me I was being reasonable and rational in my approach - women - TUT!.
All day I have felt this tension in my body and have been fully aware of it only when it starts causing me pain in my neck and shoulders, then I relax become aware, relax, and let those ridiculous arguments stop affecting me and the whole ridiculous situation starts to ease and fade, and guess what - I'm smiling! and tomorrow - it will all happen again!
Dukkha - it lets you know you're living some kind of life!!
But will it happen again? You will be a more enlightened person the next time it happens. Maybe it happens, maybe it doesn't. It too will come and go, in whatever form.
Suffering, affliction, will always be round the corner.
But you will be stronger in the face of it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your neglected, abused childhood.
A child is so innocent and helpless no adult should ever take advantage of their frailty.
I hope life will bring you galore the love you have been deprived of during your childhood.
!