Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Spiritual joke thread
anataman
Who needs a title?Where am I? Veteran
this one is apparently attributed to khristnamurti:
Once Satan and his demon sidekick were walking down the street, closely watching a man 20 yards ahead who was on the verge of realizing the Supreme Truth.
The demon grew worried, and began to nudge Satan, but Satan looked quite calm. Sure enough, the man did, in fact, soon realize the deepest spiritual Truth. Yet Satan still did nothing about it. With this, the demon nudged Satan harder and, getting no response, finally blurted out, “Satan! Don’t you see? That man has realized the Truth! And yet you are doing nothing to stop him!”
With that, Satan cunningly smiled and announced, “Yes, he has realized the Truth. And now I am going to help him organize the Truth!”
2
Comments
Hmmmmmm. Sorry but I don't get it?
"The Devil is in the detail" .
..
GEORGE CARLIN, ON REVERSING LIFE'S SEQUENCE
I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
You enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case.
There was a young couple very much in love. On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an automobile accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "St. Peter, my fiancee and I are very happy to be in heaven, but we miss very much the opportunity to have our wedding vows celebrated. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?" St. Peter looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment in two weeks from Wednesday." Come the appointed day, the couple was escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what; wait a year and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again." A year went by and the couple, still very much wanting to get married, came back. Again, the Lord God Almighty said, "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you must wait another year, and then I will consider your request." This happened year after year, for ten years. Each time they reasserted their yearning to be married; each time God put them off for another year. In the tenth year, they came before they Lord God Almighty to ask again. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry! This Saturday at 2:00 p.m. We will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. The reception will be on me!" The wedding went off without a hitch. The bride looked beautiful. The Buddha did the flower arrangements for which Moses wove simple yet elegant baskets. Jesus prepared the fish course. All of heaven's denizens attended, and a good time was had by all. Tragically, but perhaps inevitably, within a few weeks, the newlyweds realized that they had made a horrible mistake. They simply couldn't stay married to one another. So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty. Groveling and frightened, they asked if they could get a divorce. The Lord heard their request, looked at them, and said, "Look, it took us TEN YEARS to find a priest up here in heaven. Do you have any idea how long it'll take us to find a lawyer?"
Three guys were fishing on a lake when Jesus Christ himself walked across the water to their boat. They were astonished! One man said humbly, "Oh, Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since 'Nam. Could you help me?" "Of course, my son," Jesus answered, touched the man's back and, for the first time in years, he was pain free. The second man asked, "My vision has gotten worse and worse. Is there anything you could do about my eyesight?" Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. As they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything clearly. Jesus turned to the third man, who raised his hands defensively and said, "Don't touch me! I'm drawin' disability!"
(cyberjoke3000)
terrible
I'm not sure if this would be considered a joke or not, but I'm lovin' it in this moment...
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others. "
Sorry I forget to mention, when you went to the toilet I took a piss in your glass!
Not to be the opportunistic opportunist or whatever!
Oh, come on.... let's not get smutty or lavatorial....
.
OK
There was once a very malicious man who walked into a buddhist shrine and stood before an alter of offerings of flowers, food, etc. The various monks and nuns who had sat for many years in dedicated and often exulted silence and made the offerings watched as the man went up to the shrine and destroyed it, saying 'what is this crap it means nothing; why do you live in this way?'
The monks and nuns got up and started clearing the mess that the man had made, and to his disbelief they all bowed reverently as he walked away from the destruction he had caused and then he raged at them, 'what do you know that I do not?'
One of them said - 'nothing, but can you come back and do that again tomorrow?'