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romantic relationships and attachment
Sunspot5254
Explorer
Me and a friend were talking over fb and I said that I think ideally, being single would be optimal for growth. I'm married with a child so I'm on the path I'm on and I'm great with it. Here's what my friend said...
I'm not sure what you mean by it causing suffering. The ego in such a case is causing suffering if it places expectations on the relationship. But if you have a relationship and are just happen to be going along with someone else, then you're sharing, and that's joy in addition to love.
I most certainly feel happiness from temporary things. I know that my children will grow up, and that they will eventually have to live on their own. And I know that at a given point, another friend will leave or die, and I'll be mourning. And while there is pain in that, it's not always going to be suffering. Pain is just a part of life; suffering is optional.
To continuously be happy, you have to live life.
What d you think about this? Do you think romantic relationship are neutral, a hindrance, or desirable?
I'm not sure what you mean by it causing suffering. The ego in such a case is causing suffering if it places expectations on the relationship. But if you have a relationship and are just happen to be going along with someone else, then you're sharing, and that's joy in addition to love.
I most certainly feel happiness from temporary things. I know that my children will grow up, and that they will eventually have to live on their own. And I know that at a given point, another friend will leave or die, and I'll be mourning. And while there is pain in that, it's not always going to be suffering. Pain is just a part of life; suffering is optional.
To continuously be happy, you have to live life.
What d you think about this? Do you think romantic relationship are neutral, a hindrance, or desirable?
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Comments
All three, and none of the above.
Life is what you make it.
Attachments are yours, neutrality is yours, hindrances are yours, desire is yours.
Relationships are just processes.
What you do with the process, is your deal.
(and - Sorry, I can't resist this: It's "A friend and I" not 'Me and a friend'. I honestly am no expert, but incorrect grammar is like nails on a blackboard, to me....
)
I used to think Buddhism and being a Buddhist was some sort of static-state description with virtuous, static-state participants ... many with halos, no families, lousy food, and wooden, 'compassionate' smiles. OK, so I was a jerk, but I sense that it is the jerks -- the ones who make obvious mistakes -- have the best shot of straightening things out assuming the catch a glimpse of what sort of jerks they can be.
One such glimpse for me came from my Zen teacher, an abbot at a Japanese monastery and a guy who had been wearing robes for a long time. And it was during a period when I spent some time with him that he said to me twice (and saying something twice for a Japanese person is like a Marine Corps drill instructor screaming in your ear) "take care of your family." Not "find a cold wet cave in the Himalayas," not "join a monastery by the quickest possible means," not "open a spiritual bookstore where you can sell healing rocks and little pyramid hats" but ... TAKE CARE OF YOUR FAMILY.
True, I had three kids so "family" at first had a pretty concrete meaning. But as the years passed, the sense of family got wider and wider until now ... well, maybe it's something like "take care of this moment." And if anyone tells you that "this moment" is just one thing (even a "Buddhist" thing), you have my permission to tell them they are full of shit.
Neutral, a hindrance or desirable for what?
I know single people who are dying to be in a stable relationship, and married people who stifle in their family life.
I have thrived both as a single woman, when I was single, and as a married woman since I am married.
Neither status has been an obstacle to leading a self-fulfilled life.
There is a time for everything in life.
The brain stem-based drive to BREATHE is a hindrance
ooooh I iz so clever :pensive:
Yes, it is a hindrance, a huge one.
One hindrance among many others. Uncountable others! What isn't a hindrance, in light of this discussion? Probably every 'thing' ?
My point is a romantic relationship is a hindrance within an existence defined by hindrances, it's no worse a hindrance (necessarily). You can exchange it for being solitary, but that causes it's own set of hindrances to arise. I wonder if there is any 'way to be' that a person could choose that wouldn't have it's own set of hindrances.
Romance can provide nourishment if the partners are kind to each other and not wound up in drama or toxicity.
They can be all the above at any given moment; and our choices have some influence on which they'll be (as well as those on the other end). Being single has its advantages, as does being in a supportive relationship. Ultimately, though, only you can know which is best for you at this moment.
Karma brings people into our life. If you have a Significant Other who is a hindrance, then you have a life lesson to learn from him/her. The same goes with a Significant Other with whom you are romantically involved.
Karma also takes away our loved ones. With the departure of a Significant Other, we learn some kind of life lesson.
I hope this helps.
Depends on the thinking not the situation. In some Buddhist traditions, monks, Rinpoche, teachers, priests marry or have partners. Some fetishists (mentioning no names to protect the guilty) have a romantic involvement with their cushion . . . the shame of it . . .
It's not the case in India...Parents have to worry about children as long as they live. Most of parents die with worry or grudge..........some die with guilt that they didn't behaved responsibly...
culture is neither developed nor traditional......total misery in relationship and marriage....all want to live with western attitude but expect relative to behave like eastern...
Here everything is public concern..if one don't marry then it is also public concern no matter they never suggest their blood relative to marry with....
Many married people are frustrated to their boring life even they express surprise or gossip if someone don't want to marry....and remains single...then everyone becomes detective whether single one is having affair or not...
Most of people having boring married life yet they don't allow people to be single...
Parents expect their child to become support of their old age full time...it's the only reason of producing child...therefore the population is so high...