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Problem with a new coworker
Amthorn
Explorer
Hello my friends,
I have another quandary for you all. I have a new coworker, a teleworker who is failing to endear himself with most of us, least of all myself. He consistently second guesses and attempts to take credit for work that his not his own. I think that he is just trying to prove his value, but myself and other starting to feel resentment.
I have resisted the urge to be short with him and given him as much time and energy as I can, since he is my immediate colleague. How can I deal with this person in the most compassionate manner possible? Most of my other coworkers can just ignore him, I don't have this luxury though, and frankly I don't feel like ignoring people is compassionate either. Any thoughts?
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Comments
How about a frank, but friendly chat?
If you are the person that works the closest to him, you might give him a compassionate piece of your mind...
Usually (not always of course) people who strut around so annoyingly do not feel SAFE. For whatever reason, they feel threatened by their own constant self-criticism which they project onto others. Then they go down the completely WRONG path and conclude if they act like they are all that and a bag of chips, everyone around them will simply agree.
It doesn't always work, but maybe try to chat him up, compliment him REALISTICALLY, laugh at yourself and encourage a laid back, accepting atmosphere around yourself. When you see a mistake on his part (including taking credit for another's work), respond compassionately, be relaxed, mention how relieved you are that it's OK to make mistakes and just be one of the guys/gals.
Unfortunately this character type may be quite ingrained and no matter how much compassion and metta and mudita you share, they can't even respond to it due to the clamor of their own paranoia and anxiety (which they blame on others). I'm a nurse and I don't know if it is this field or what, but we do get our share of, erm, individuals who feel so unsafe they need to control the whole universe but never themselves. Then the only thing I can think of is what others have said -- metta meditation and contemplation.
All that said, being a Buddhist does not mean being a door mat. Sometimes compassion looks harsh instead of warm and fuzzy. Come to think of it, 'sometimes' is an understatement . . .
Yes, exactly, @Hamsaka...
I think, @Amthorn you may have an inaccurate idea as to what Buddhism means in the sense of behaviour.
It doesn't mean we have to be nice, sweet, polite, kind, self-effacing, deprecating all the time.
Sometimes, Buddhists need to kick ass too.
Remember the 8Fold Path.
Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech Right Action.
None of those mean, 'don't say a word, don't do anything, hold your tongue...."
if something irks you, if something upsets you, if something makes you unsettled, uncomfortable or makes you feel angry, even, you are perfectly within your rights, to do something about it.
Skilfully and Mindfully.
Here's why I think there needs to be a chat. We had a reading teacher in my school who was a real bitch. Now before someone complains at me for calling her that, she called herself that ("I know I'm a real bitch, but that's who I am, and the people who work with me are just going to have to put up with it").
The problem that I had, as principal, was that I couldn't deal with it effectively because even though everyone moaned and groaned about it in chatter, including to me, no one was willing to give me a substantive complaint that I could build a case on. And so it continued for 4 years while I was principal, and from I hear continues today. Everyone is still informally complaining, which to me indicates suffering, but no one will do anything about it.
Ah well, I guess that karma through omission.
I call myself a bitch sometimes.
I call my colleagues/subordinates bitches too...
"Yoh, mah Bitches, cum see what I'm doin' so's you know how to do it too...."
They're all male.
Someone here could become real buddy with Jesse from breaking bad.
hahahahahaha!! Right, yeah......
....I wish I knew what you were talking about.....
My subordinates are bitches too. They don't obey very well, but they love to lick my face. And bark. Did I mention the barking?
No, do tell......
Federica, just to support my statement.
youtu.be/UlmviSx09HA
Yeah.
No. Still don't get it.
It may help if I tell you I do not have a TV....
Yeah, it is just a TV show where Paul aeron uses the word bitch a lot.
You could come up with a really bad piece of work/ hair brained idea and let him take credit for it. Let him learn a hard lesson on his own. When I was in high school a fellow student was cribbing my work during exams. I fed him enough wrong answers that he stopped.
He is new, and wants to prove himself, and justify his appointment. Who has not found themselves in an alien environment!
Meet him with other co=workers in a social setting and show him and his co=workers just how human and fallible you and he is?
Just a thought btw
Trying to cut down
My bad!
I feel people sometimes facilitate bad behavour by not talking about how they feel about what is happening. Are you unable to communicate to those relevant who did an actual piece of work? As in thanking them. Maybe all you have to do is offer thanks and praise for a job well done.
@Amthorn - it's not your problem. Take it to your supervisor to deal with. That's what they're paid to do.
I watched three series of the award winning 'Breaking Bad'. Had to stop as though excellent, it was addictive (it is about drugs in part). Jesse is one of the main characters. The opening scene in the very first episode brings you right in . . .
Yah . . . so it's not just nurses, da bitches are everywhere.
I no longer work with other nurses, which I have to admit makes my job so much less aggravating -- for exactly those reasons.
It appears that for some, a good bitch session is energizing, or takes their mind off of facing themselves. It brings the 'suffering' into question. Sure, it is suffering, but what is the payoff for suffering? I guess if I have to ask I don't get any. Hmm, maybe that's why I'm a Buddhist.