Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@newbuddhist.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take up to 48 hours. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

What phobia do you have?

NamadaNamada Veteran
edited March 2015 in Buddhism Today

Hi

What phobia do you have?

And how can you cure it?

I had a problem with financial phobia, I could not open one paper letter!
And my mail box got full, and I felt ashamed, guilty and also criminal.
I didnt sleep well at night
Because It was a giant letter mountain, hiding under some books on the floor
I was running away from letters, and creditos were calling me daily...

I was really stuck! And I had to figure this out!
The reason to this was I had two jobs,

Working full time job in chemistry and process industry
and at the same time have one small "hobby" business,
wich became not so small because customers were calliing my daily.

It was to much responsebilty and things got overvelming

So...

I found buddhism on youtube trough eckhart tolle.

I was never religious before, and didnt know anything about buddhsim. But things change...

So iam now using walking meditation to meet my responsiblities

Iam walking towards my bills/letters, back and forth until I get enough courage..

While Iam walking iam aware of my feet tuching the ground

Iam imagine me opening one letter at the time with a smile on my face and with ease.
And I also imagine me playing with the letters with joy, like kids do.
Iam also putting them apart mentaly (detachment pracitce maybe?), letter its just earth element, made by small molekyls.
What is it to be afraid for?

Iam not cured from this phobia, maybe I will get cured one day..Iam still walking.

What phobia do you have?

And how can you cure it? Do you think it Is possible?

(sorry for my bad english)

dantepwlobsterHamsakaNichy
«1

Comments

  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    Good luck @Namada. That sounds quite crippling!

    I have a fear of heights but it's not bad enough that I feel I need to do something about it.

    I also have a fear of failure but the dharma is helping with that ;)

    Namada
  • I have insect phobia but with ease and practice (within buddhism pace) i am getting pretty much healed.

    I am working on holding harmless insects and, once i get really ok with that, i will work on handling big harmless insects, like butterflies, moths and crickets :) i can handle moths and other beings and set them free, though. Nice evolution!

    I wouldnt say this is a phobia, but i also have big difficulties with trying new foods. It usually makes me feel like puking, so i am taking baby steps on this one.

    Please be aware everything passes, including your phobia. :) with kindness and mindfulness, absolutely anything is possible & fun to do.
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited March 2015

    For some people, their phobia can be crippling/debilitating... Things we might take for granted, for example seeing a spider or going for a swim, to the phobia sufferer it might be their worse nightmare...

    I'm fortunate in that I don't really have any...However I deal a lot with people who do and especially with the phobia you suffer from @Namada ..."Financial phobia"...

    I think "Financial phobia" is a common phobia faced by many (after all... who likes receiving/paying bills ?)

    With time and patience and insight you CAN overcome it......

    “He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears.”
    ― Michel de Montaigne,

    NamadaTelly03Earthninjaanataman
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
  • I once in your shoes - What I did was to live just one breath at a time.

    Namada
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Yes, I deal with it. I can control it, but I hate it to bits......

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    And 'snotty' eggs. I hate them, they literally turn my stomach. Can't abide uncooked egg-white. Ugh....

    Bunks
  • It may take a week until I'm able to check my paper mail because of the bills. These days I work as an environmental specialist, but I don't have any work when there's snow on the ground. So I'm broke now.

    Perhaps I don't have any real phobias. I don't know... I'm over-sensitive for other peoples thoughts of me, but that's a question of selfesteem and the type of personality. I'm afraid of really high places but that's a question of the survival instinct. I have had almost an unbearable stage fever that has weakened over time a lot because I have had to face that fear when lecturing (that's especially hard in English...).

    I love garlic but onion makes me puke. And the smell of boiled meat makes me gag.

    Bunks
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

    Without some generously-dispensed (and legal) drugs, tight spaces can send me around the bend.

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    I don't think I really have any phobias. There are things I have a strong dislike for, and do not manage well myself but thankfully my husband balances me well. Financial stuff is one of those. I just hate it. I do take care of business but I will put it off as long as I can. I don't particularly like new situations, and research the heck out of everything. Probably my worst fear is city driving. I grew up, and currently live in, a town with 2 stoplights. Driving in large cities with 4-6 lanes of interstate traffic moving 70mph is my worst nightmare. Of course, there are always things to push us out of our comfort zone, which is good. My son will probably be in college in the biggest city in our state, so I will be driving it frequently. More gray hairs to come! :D Last weekend we were there, and he drove. That's much worse. Not having control in scary situations is horrible, lol. I use google maps and plan out every turn, every stoplight, every lane so I have a visual picture of where I am going. I do use a GPS but in a city situation it updates so slow it's hard to use.

    But those are pretty minor things and I bite my tongue and do them even if I don't really want to. I refuse to let my fears or anxieties affect my kids' abilities to do things that they need to do or are important to them.

    BunksNamadadantepw
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    That's not absence of fear, that's a foolhardy belief in immortality..... I daren't show that to my H., he has a morbid fear of heights.....

    dantepw
  • robotrobot Veteran

    @federica said:

    I don't know. Mustang-Wanted seems to be a group of young Russians or Ukrainians who post a series of the most gut wrenching videos to YouTube, and probably make a living from it. It's hard to imagine that no one ever falls. They must know about mortality.
    But look at his face. Not a care in the world.

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I think the expression would all suddenly alter if the hand slipped and he was free-falling....

  • robotrobot Veteran

    @federica said:
    I think the expression would all suddenly alter if the hand slipped and he was free-falling....

    For sure, but not if he thought he was immortal.

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    My point is, it would take less than the bat of an eyelid to bring it home to him he isn't.

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited March 2015

    More 'phobias':

    Not so much a phobia, more an intense, almost uncontrollable aversion to poor grammar, bad spelling, and inappropriate or unnecessary punctuation.

    For example, the over-use, constant, insertion, and over-abundant, habitual, and quasi-unconscious, liberal, scattering, of the, comma.

    But I DO use the Oxford comma.

    It's functional, useful, and appropriate.

    (And it's in that sentence. ;) )

    Rowan1980dantepw
  • Telly03Telly03 Veteran
    edited March 2015

    Ohh this is me too... I split my chin open as a child, and went to the hospital for stitches. When I saw them come at me with a needle, I lost my mind and fought off the Doctors and my Mother. I won the fight and they settle with sending me home with just a bandage. Ohhh my mother was sooo upset with me.

    I mostly have control over it now, and try to "Man up" as needed, but my new Dentist must have picked up on my nervousness on my first appointment and gave me a prescription of Valium to take prior to each appointment.

    Rowan1980
  • PöljäPöljä Veteran
    edited March 2015

    @federica said:
    Not so much a phobia, more an intense, almost uncontrollable aversion to poor grammar, bad spelling, and inappropriate or unnecessary punctuation.

    I lose my temper almost every time when I read newspapers or news in the web in my own language. Obsession to grammar is one my obsessions and Asperger symptoms, but it was a remarkable advantage when I published books.

    My fear of new and uncontrollable situations was so bad that I often got panic attacks when I was much younger. I have tought that my obsessions are just a way for me to bring some order to this World of Chaos.

  • @federica i take you as my english teacher then! Haha :)

    As a non-native english student I am willing to reach a very professional level in such :)
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited March 2015

    One's phobia can impact others in a detrimental way-by feeding their phobias...

    For example if ones phobia is of an obsessive compulsive nature and happens to highlight/reinforce the inadequacy in some to do things to a certain standard (and the OC phobic person is not able to stop and think of the impact it might be having upon those whose phobia relates to feelings of insecurity-the fear of getting things wrong and being humiliated )and so the cycle continues...

    For this to happen, that must happen and for that to happen, this must happen.....

    Dependant Origination -Those damn "habitual tenancies" sankhara...

    With patience and a little effort (of the meditation kind) they too can be brought to a manageable level ...

    Sorry I can't get an enlargement of the Phobia Chart however one can google it of just "Ctrl +" a few times :)

    Namada
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

    Not so much a phobia, more an intense, almost uncontrollable aversion to poor grammar, bad spelling, and inappropriate or unnecessary punctuation.

    For example, the over-use, constant, insertion, and over-abundant, habitual, and quasi-unconscious, liberal, scattering, of the, comma.

    But I DO use the Oxford comma.

    It's functional, useful, and appropriate.

    (And it's in that sentence. ;) )

    @federica -- I have a spare rooler if, you wanna, rap mi nukkles.

    Shoshinfedericasilver
  • @federica said:> But I DO use the Oxford comma. > It's functional, useful, and appropriate.

    Yes, it can be useful. It's more like a natural speech pattern.

  • I know it's not my personal problem if a professional journalist has quite a bad grammar. Likewise my ultrasoftcore version of Sheldon Cooper shouldn't be too annoying to anyone. (I have got many friends of students I've taught, so I'm not so bad from a bit closer distance :) ).

    I had a true arachnophobia as a child, but I'm now used to their eight legs, eight eyes and webs.

    Meet the fears. Cognitive support.

  • NamadaNamada Veteran
    edited March 2015

    Phobia or fear of something can also be a good thing, because then you need to investigate and welcome it and open up. In my case I would never try to find a path like buddhism, if it hasent been for my own suffering. So this path have helped me a lot!

    Suffering are all around us, some have phobias other are sick, other dont like "snotty eggs" and spiders

    Thich Nhath hanh explain suffering like growing a lotus flower :)

    "It's like growing lotus flowers. You cannot grow lotus flowers on marble. You have to grow them in mud. Without mud, you cannot have a lotus flower. Without suffering, you have no ways in order to learn how to be understanding and compassionate.

    That's why my definition of the kingdom of God is not a place where suffering is not, where there is no suffering .. I would not like to go to a place where there is no suffering. I would not like to send my children to a place where there is no suffering, because, in such a place, they have no way to learn how to be understanding and compassionate."

    Buddhadragon
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran
    edited March 2015

    I had a phobia of mice.
    Once inawhile when I saw one....I thought my heart was going to fly out of my chest...

    What did I do about it? Compassion practice of course. :)

    After a retreat, my Hubby went on a kick of no pest control. To make a long story short...our mice problem exploded. I waited till he left town for work and started laying traps. Everything was going ok...I was catching them all the time....my son would carry out the bodies and that was that. Well...we all know avoidance can be the only answer for so long.....

    One day...I was home by myself. I opened the shoe closet, and a mouse started limping out. Holy Shit!!! What was I going to do? Where is he going? Oh, he must have ran off a trap...So I'm acting and thinking all kinds of crazy....when the compassion took over. I know, alot of people will say how I could have done differently...but this is just how it unfolded...in the moment.

    So...he's limping...walking slowly...I opened the front door and began to talk out loud to the mouse....not anything on purpose or thought out. I said sympathetic things to him..." Oh, I'm so sorry your hurt...Please just go out the door...its nice out there...maybe you'll find another mouse...I don't want you hurt...just outta here"...things like that...hahaha...like he was understanding me..hahaha..It was all slow motion. He literally limped out my front door.

    After that day....my fear left. I still wont live with a whole colony of mice, and I activly get rid of them...but spending what seemed like hours next to one that was injured, just changed the fear...changed my whole perception of them and got me out of MY feelings and into his.

    NamadakarastiBuddhadragon
  • TheswingisyellowTheswingisyellow Trying to be open to existence Samsara Veteran

    Being an ER nurse

  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran

    My greatest fear is that I am Wrong about myself! So I must be right, right?

  • silversilver In the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded. USA, Left coast. Veteran

    A thread about phobias and all youze guys can come up with is snotty eggs and bad grammar - and being wrong? heehee.
    :p

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    No. You obviously missed the part about needle phobias, and spiders, and mice and confined spaces...
    Phobias are no laughing matter, thanks.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited March 2015

    "There is nothing to fear but fear itself!"

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia

    "In clinical psychology, a phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, usually defined as a persistent fear of an object or situation in which the sufferer commits to great lengths in avoiding, typically disproportional to the actual danger posed, often being recognized as irrational. In the event the phobia cannot be avoided entirely, the sufferer will endure the situation or object with marked distress and significant interference in social or occupational activities"

    "A specific phobia is a marked and persistent fear of an object or situation which brings about an excessive or unreasonable fear when in the presence of, or anticipating, a specific object; the specific phobias may also include concerns with losing control, panicking, and fainting which is the direct result of an encounter with the phobia.[4] Specific phobias are defined in relation to objects or situations whereas social phobias emphasize social fear and the evaluations that might accompany them.
    The DSM breaks specific phobias into five subtypes: animal, natural environment, blood-injection-injury, situational, and other.[5] In children, phobias involving animals, natural environment (darkness), and blood-injection-injury usually develop between the ages of 7 and 9, and these are reflective of normal development. Additionally, specific phobias are most prevalent in children between ages 10 and 13"

    "Unlike specific phobias, social phobias include fear of public situations and scrutiny which leads to embarrassment or humiliation in the diagnostic criteria. People with social phobia have extreme feelings of self-consciousness built into powerful fear. In social phobias, there is also a generalized category. Unlike specific phobias which may develop before the age of 10, social phobias are typically not present until pubertal transition. After this transition, the prevalence of social phobia increases with age. Many adolescents who develop a social phobia consequently become rejected by their peers. As interpersonal dysfunction is a risk factor for depression, there are some negative outcomes for adolescents with social phobia. For example, about 20% of adolescents diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder also suffer from depression and use alcohol or other substances"

    "So feel the fear and do it anyway" One can't get any more Buddhist than that...

  • being inadequate at work. every job possibility I think how I could not do it. e.g. don't know directions for a gas station or slow processing for subway (also anxiety shutting me down mentally and emotionally)..

    I basically get in a tizzy if I think about job possibilities.

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I always find it so amusing (not) how those without phobias (and any possible understanding of how debilitating and crippling a phobia can be) are so liberal with their advice on how to 'get over it' and deal with it, face it confront it and conquer it.
    If it was that easy, you think we wouldn't have done it by now? And you think your advice is original, and that we haven't attempted to deal with it?

    Witty so-called truisms like 'There is nothing to fear but fear itself' and 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' are two of the biggest piles of bullshit when it comes to phobias, there possibly could be.

    Sorry, but it truly pisses me off, because it seems to me to trivialise something we find horrifyingly difficult to deal with, and it's disrespectful, frankly.

    NamadaJeffreylobster
  • I have got rid of many of my fears, but social phobias will always be there. I do my mistakes, and there will always be other people who want to underline my mistakes and who get their kicks from other peoples mistakes. I know it's irrational to pay too much attention to what the others think, but...

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    How do people eventually overcome their phobias? Do they face them head on ?

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited March 2015

    People NEVER overcome their phobias. They manage them.
    I had to have over 6 months of intense therapy, and I still hate needles, hate injections and break into a cold sweat if I even see an acted injection in a drama series. My poor H is diabetic and has to test his own blood. Tiny pinprick, doesn't even penetrate more than a half-millimetre.
    I have to leave the room.
    If ever Ineed an injection, I need at least a week to mentally prepare myself. I shake, i cry and I have to hold someone's hand.

    It makes me feel physically sick to even think about it.

    The worst - the very, very worst thing you can ever get a phobic to do, is to 'face their fear head on.' It could send them into shock.
    Seriously.

  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran

    @shoshin now fears he might have got something WRONG.... And might have been interpreted by the readers of this thread as being a GNORW for want of a better word...

    ...\lol/...

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    I think to give such a sweeping statement like that, is somewhat misleading and pessimistic @federica... You are splitting hairs between "manage and overcome"

    Never say never... People have, can, and do overcome them ...(and to what level depends upon the individual)

    How can Buddhism help those with a phobia?

  • can you site a source @Shoshin? It would be interesting to know what actually is happening.

  • NamadaNamada Veteran
    edited March 2015

    Here are some tips than can maybe help to meet your phobia in a good way..

    -Get one ancer, like your breath, this is your fortress and stronghold, you are in the here and now, this will help you to not sunk in to a dream world if something happens.
    Build your fortress to be strong (in meditation and in daily life), know your breath how it is and come back to it
    if you face something you dont like.

    -Before you meet the thing you are afraid of, be ready and clear about this thing can cause you suffering. Then you are more alert. To make the suffering not so big compare it with something else wich is even worser, (let say having your family killed).
    From 1 to 10 how much suffering will this "thing" make you suffer actually?
    Is it real or fantasy?

    -Move towards your fear little by little, first not so close, then, closer if it feels ok, if you feel terrrible go away from it, or try to stay there for some few mintues, and then go do something else. After a while you can try it again. Be also aware about what happens in your body when you move towards it.

    -Its also important you are clear about what you want to do, if not you can get distracted easely and just run away and do soemthing else. So have a clear goal, I gonna do this now! But let the goal not be so big, but easy and managabel.

    -Try also to put some joy in to it. Like metta meditation, or make it to a funny game.

    -See also the impermance in it, its not forever...you will meet the sun again

  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited March 2015

    @Namada, I don't agree with number two. When you are upset you remember all horrible things and it just gets worse and worse as stress hormones increase and increase.

    I would say phobias are more the ignorance poison than anger or greed. That is the hardest poison to work with. My teacher says a way to approach the ignorance poison is to notice the spaciousness of whatever you are dealing with.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @Jeffrey I "once "suffered from social anxiety and was forever having to pop pills "Valium" I was told I would need to take them for the rest of my life (this was back in the early 70s when Valium was seen as the wonder drug) I was on and off them for around 20 years...It was through acceptance and facing my fears that I overcame them(And yes Buddhism has help me to achieve this), I stopped taking Valium around 18 years ago, and have never looked back...

    I should point out I don't take "phobias" that others suffer lightly, I've been there and done that, so know the anxiety some people face...

    http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/understanding-phobias-treatment

    http://psychcentral.com/lib/overcoming-fears-phobias-and-panic-attacks/0002163

    http://www.anxietycoach.com/anxietydisorders.html

  • NamadaNamada Veteran
    edited March 2015

    @Jeffrey Maybe, but i belive it is important to know for yourself "this can make me suffer", then you dont have to high exepctations, and get suprised by it. Often we know what kind of feelings will come when you meet it, lik, shame, helplessness, physcial pain and others.
    Then you can prepare you for this and try to finde a tool for it. Like "I will use my breath, as a ancer if this feeling come up".

    Its like a doctor who recive one pasient at hospital, the doctor want to know as much as possible about the pasient before he arrives, then he can help him faster, and make everything ready.

    ShoshinJeffrey
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @anataman said:
    let go

    That is the be all and end all the ultimate cure for suffering...

    I realise at times you like many of us are prone to having 'senior' moments (I'm a she not an he..Just pointing it out) However I have heard that meditation works wonders for the memory... :D

  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran

    I didn't 'say anything' according to you little Miss Shoshin - is- she?! So don't put nothing of any meaning into my meaning of nothing that does not come from me...

  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran

    but lest i forget... =)

  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited March 2015

    I am curious what those methods actually achieve in terms of actual patients? How many recover? I think a lot of people have social anxiety but it is not always the same thing as a phobia. People can say "I was depressed yesterday" or "alcohol is a depressant". It is the same word but does not totally correlate to depressive mood disorder. I had social anxiety but I do not think it was a 'phobia' as is described in mental health circles. I didn't even try to do anything and it went away. I guess I still have it to some extent but I have found it satisfying because I am no longer interested in being at big parties or whatever.

    So I am curious how successful the treatments you mentioned are in actual practice. There is even great success in schizoaffective disorder which is my sickness. But there are tons of people who are medication resistant and so forth.

    I would also not assume you know what others face just because you have the same disorder.

  • NamadaNamada Veteran
    edited March 2015

    @Jeffrey "My teacher says a way to approach the ignorance poison is to notice the spaciousness of whatever you are dealing with".

    Nice if you could clearify more deep what your teacher mean with this?

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited March 2015

    I'm not 'assuming ' that @Jeffrey ...

    Some phobia sufferers suffer more than others, for example a fear of spiders, some can stand to see a picture of a spider and even touch the picture, but not see one in the flesh and others can't stand to even see spiders in pictures...

    Phobias can be seen as on a sliding scale of extreme moderate weak...

    Just because one person has a phobia that 'they' feel they will never be able to overcome does not mean another person with a similar phobia will feel the same about theirs...

    It's different strokes for different folks...

    Some might like to check out this link too

    The Phobic Trust NZ

    http://www.anxiety.org.nz/

  • I'm afraid not. I can recommend books though. 'Spaciousness' is a quality of awareness. It is intuitive just 'opening'. A level of spaciousness is to notice thoughts are thoughts rather than seeing them as 'reality'.

«1
Sign In or Register to comment.