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.... And not just thinking with my eyes closed.
I wont lie, I have fallen victim to many meditation misconceptions like "I'm not supposed to think" or "meditation means I have to be passive and emotionless" and even "when meditating I have to fall into a trance like state" after a year I realised this was just me falling asleep lol.
I have read a few books on mindfulness meditation and the instructions all very simple but still I find myself wondering "am I even doing anything at all" and feel like I have to really be putting in alot of effort to know I'm achieving something. Here's what I do morning and night for around 20 mins each time.
Sit cross legged (I know its not necessary its just how I do it)
Set my alarm and close my eyes, I'm normally confronted with thoughts such as "wow this is gonna be a long 20 mins I really don't feel like this" but I realise this is just thought and it soon goes.
After sometimes even 10 minutes of being lost in thought I go "hang on I'm supposed to be doing something here" so I notice the thought or feeling then note I am to bring my focus to my breath. As I'm aware of my breathing I make mental notes with each one. "breathing in.....breathing out". My mind wanders again of course but I just realise I've gone off course without condemning myself and return to breath and that's it for 20 mins pretty much.
I find because I can't actually get someone actually in my head showing me how to do it I can never truly know if I'm doing it right. Sometimes doubt makes me wonder "am I even doing anything at all" but doubt is normal. It worries me cause I think that if I've been doing it wrong than I've essentially just been wasting my time with it for like 18 months.. Do most people have this concern?