Feeling Happy/Positive When Others Seem To Think I Should Be Feeling Sad/Angry
FairyFeller
Veteran
I recently applied for a promotion I was qualified for but I knew others were more suitable for, I had a very strong feeling they were only holding interviews for the rest of us out of duty rather than because we stood a real chance. There were two positions, I knew who would get them and I was right. My boss gave me great feedback and said that it was my interview technique that let me down (I am normally a very confident and layed back individual but I hate interviews and just can't sell myself) and she is going to organise interview coaching to help me out.
I'm very philosophical and satisfied with the outcome but my partner and others don't seem to understand and are certainly seeming a lot more upset than I am.
I'm beginning to wonder if I should be more upset?
Comments
Thinking about it, I suppose it's a prime example of mindfulness.
I'm sitting here wondering what exactly your partner and others think is bad about the outcome. Could you explain in a little bit more detail about that? I'm thinking you're content because you learned something and you got direct support and help from your boss and I think that is very positive.
I've had similar reactions before when I haven't wanted to go for more prominent positions or promotions or if I have resigned from similar situations as I have found I wasn't enjoying the role.
I suppose some people equate a more senior position and more money as what everybody should strive for but for me job satisfaction, the fact I am helping others (I'm a nurse) and I earn enough money for us to live on is is more than enough for me.
I think a lot of people, when applying for promotions, start to get way ahead of themselves. They start planning around it, like you do when you hope you'll win the big lottery. And then when they don't win/don't get the job, the let down is huge. If you go into with an open mind and without expectation you won't feel that "high" of getting excited over something you don't even have it, and the inevitable let down when you don't get it. How you feel is ok. Don't gauge your feelings based on theirs. They had a different experience than you.
I think you handled it so well. I wish I was that laid back in those situations. Well done _ /\ _
I have promoted numerous people over the decades. With in-house applicants you have the advantage of knowing their capabilities and their work. The fact that your boss is sending you for interview coaching speaks volumes. It means, I suspect, that she considers you promotable. The right applicants may have landed in these two slots this time, so you now have the luxury of time to prepare so that when "your" opening does come along you'll be prepared to present yourself well.
Don't be upset by the thought that you should be more upset.
No.
What you say is:
"Thank you for the depth of your feelings. I see that you're upset.
I'm fine with the way things went. But, I see you're not....
I think you're sufficiently upset for both of us, so if you want to feel upset on my behalf, I'm very grateful. It saves me harbouring feelings of injustice and resentment. Bless you for that!"
Sorted!
No.