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I feel confused
Jimi
London New
I haven't been practising Buddhism for very long (about a month) but I chose it to stop myself from being angry all the time. At first it was really helping, I was calm through the whole day and meditating for at least 20-30 minutes a day, but this last week I have started getting angrier again and haven't been meditating as much. I am really serious about Buddhism but I feel like I'm kind of losing my drive for it. Any advice ??
Ps this is my first thread, i didn't know what category to put it in so sorry if it's in the wrong place 
1
Comments
When the going gets tough the tough go but Buddhists sit.
Hi,
Welcome
The more (meditation) the merrier, Jimi. (Welcome to NB)
As 'Buddhists', we're allowed to take a look into our inner being - to look with eyes wide open - such freedom will come to amaze.
OP, Buddhism isn't a magic bullet. Don't expect instant, magical transformation just because you began a meditation practice. That's expecting too much. We're all human, so we have to deal with our humanity; declaring oneself a Buddhist and meditating won't make that go away overnight, or over-month.
How are you defining Buddhist practice? Did you think that meditation was all there was to it, along with understanding the 4 Noble Truths, maybe? Buddhist practice involves many things:
** kindness, compassion toward others (and toward oneself)
** giving up clinging to ego
** cultivating non-attachment (including: to the ego)
** realizing that much of the source of our stress ("dukha", suffering) is in the mind. Attend to the mind, and the emotions it conjures.
** practicing mindfulness. Are you mindful of what causes your anger?
And a host of other things. You're at the Welcome mat, haven't even passed through the door quite yet, let alone made it to Square One. Be patient. We're here for you.
Meditation is not only an effective tool for calming the mind, it also shines a light on our mental states in order to get a better handle on them. So often times what seems like an increase in negative emotions is really just us getting a better view of what is really going on in there.
A lot of the effort is difficult, dirty work. So the doing isn't always pleasant but the long term effects are.
For me formal sitting meditation isn't enough.
For whatever reason I was drawn to Tibetan Buddhism which supplies us with tools to deal with the afflictions (including anger) as they arise.
Check this out - it may or may not help you.
http://thubtenchodron.org/2005/06/cultivating-mental-peace/
Good luck!
Welcome btw!!
Let me throw a few thoughts your way.
I used to smoke. Smoked for many years and developed quite the habit. Finally quit maybe ten or so years ago for good. Are you a smoker? If so, have you ever tried to quit? If you don't smoke, take it from me that quitting is hard. The first, second, and maybe tenth time I tried to quit, after a week or a month or so I'd have a bad day and find myself puffing away, hating myself for lacking the willpower but enjoying the hell out of that chemical rush.
Just like anger is a chemical rush. When you get angry the adrenaline floods your brain, your heart pounds and by the time you're an adult you are hooked as bad as any drug addict. What's worse, unlike fear, anger feels good. Anger makes you think you're right and the world is wrong, and all those doubts and regrets are washed away in the flood of adrenaline. Yes, people get addicted to being angry and look for reasons to be that way.
So given a lifetime of getting your anger fix, is it any wonder you might have some trouble kicking the habit? First, admit that like any drug, you don't like the affects it has on your life and the people around you but your body is used to the adrenaline rush and likes it. Even with meditation, it's going to be a struggle. But every month, week, day or hour you go without, it gets easier the next time. It's just a habit. People break habits all the time.
So keep up the good work.
Meditation is great when things are going well, but it is more necessary when things are not going well. Over time, (much longer than a month) it will carry you through the challenging times. I've been a practicing, card carrying Buddhist for about 5 years now and the only thing I am consistently sure of is how much I have yet to learn. It's not something you strive for or are setting a goal for to achieve. Buddhism is a life long path. It's a long journey. But a wonderful one. I wouldn't want to experience life any other way anymore. Best to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Make friends with all your feelings and be gentle with yourself as you work your way through them.
THIS ^^
I've found that I have to not take it for granted about how "good" my meditation is in the calmer times. I need to ramp it up so that I don't walk away from it or still lose my stuff in the bad times (something I am still guilty of after all this time).
_ /\ _
Wow! Iz we the plan or iz we the plan?
As a diverse community of mostly lay practitioners with a diversity of backgrounds, practices and advice we between us might come up with encouragement ...
I am an angry person myself (I like to chant mantra/lullabies to the demons). Emotive and passionate/conflicted states arise every month. Fortunately increasingly euphoria, compassion and hopefully a deepening range and understanding of demon strangling kindness.
My name is Lobster and I am a meditation junky.
Cure not required.
I don't think meditation will make you not angry. That's not what it does.
I think meditation gives you the ability, over time, to step away from yourself so you can observe. You'll observe the anger, and you'll also observe other things once you learn to get your mind quiet enough. Once you have this clarity of vision, you will be able to recognize and deal with many many things in a way that is very different from how you feel today.
This won't come in a sudden moment of new clarity, like lights coming on and things coming noticeably into view that weren't there a moment ago. The change is gradual, and is more evident when you look back and think about how things used to feel.
So for now, expect to continue to have anger. Meditation won't turn it off like a switch. But it will give you a new view of anger and of many other aspects of your mind. Over time, you'll develop a perspective, an understanding, that is much more valuable than just being able to switch an emotion on and off.
In addition to meditation, I think it is well worthwhile to use a bit of introspection, deep reflection and rational analysis - how did the anger come to arise, what might be done to short circuit the angry reaction the next time it occurs? It would be best to do this after meditation when the mind is calm and relaxed, otherwise there is a strong tendency just to get worked up all over again.
Have you ever thought about therapy? I like meditation in conjunction with therapy. I'm an extremely angry person, and that's one reason I turned to Buddhism.
Welcome to the forum. Could you say what it is you get angry about? Is it like a general feeling of frustration, or are there specific things?
Have you had any counselling, and if not, might that be worth considering?
I agree with @IchLiebte and @SpinyNorman . I have a lovely therapist who I see once a month or more, depending on my schedule and hers. There are a vast range of reasons why this is appropriate for me. You don't have to be "crazy" in order to need a therapist. I think more people should take advantage of what services there are in that field. As my sitting practice gets better, and I see things more clearly, my therapist helps me work through them in the physical world. I also talk to my family and loved ones. Talking meditation can be very useful. There is not one hard & fast way to do anything.
The next time you feel overwhelmed, try this and see if you like it: Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in slowly, and hold it for two seconds before slowly breathing out. Move slowly. Be aware of how your body feels, where there is tension, where there is cold, where there is warmth. Open your eyes. If you can walk away from the situation in which you find yourself angry, then do so. If not, then try to think over every spoken word and movement prior to actually speaking or moving.
This works for me. It may not work for you. Do not underestimate the power of the breath.
Hey @Jimi -- We didn't overdo it with our buckets o' NB wiz-dom - did we? Jimi?
Hey everyone, I just wanted to say thanks for all the replies, to be honest i wasn't expecting any ! @Cinorjer I do smoke actually and I used to have a drug problem, but of course I realised it was wrong so I completely understand what you're talking about there. @Dakini I get that Buddhism is more than just meditation, I have always tried my best to be nice to people and go out of my way in a lot of cases to help people. One person calls me their counsellor !
I see a therapist once a week, I've never found her that helpful but it's nice to have someone there to talk to me so I guess it is quite helpful. @Fosdick to be honest I don't know why I'm angry. Maybe it's because I've let a lot of people down and made a lot of mistakes that I wish I hadn't made. But I can be so happy and then out of no where I'll feel so bad but I don't understand why. That's the reason I started learning and practicing Buddhism.
Thank you all so much for your replies
Jimi
Yeah, me too. But we have to let go of that, let go of it completely, and we have to see exactly where we are Now. Right now. And if we have to look beyond that, look forward, never back. Never look back except in utmost stillness.
I just posted a topic which had a great lecture on peace, Jimi . Perhaps it will help, I find listening to some of the better Buddhist teachers and taking in their wisdom has a very beneficial effect on my self-knowledge and Buddhist progress
http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/24047/thich-nhat-hanh-on-peace#latest
Jimi if your current therapist isn't helping, never be afraid to ask to "see other people" so to say.
You need to make sure it's a relationship that is useful to you.
There is something odd going on with Jimi's username. I used @(username), and a whole sentence of my post prior to the @ sign has gone missing and his name appears in italics... Is there a problem with markdown auto-correcting the posts? If you edit the post the original text still appears correctly.
Edit: I've fixed both my posts...
I think it has to do with his chosen screen name. in the code this forum automatically italicizes a word if it has the underscore on either side. Not sure how to fix something like that. Maybe @federica would have an idea?
It happened because Jimi decided to put those underscores before and after his name. Try and italicize a word and see what they use as indicators.
@silver yes! that's what I meant. Sometimes I get a bit circuitous with my language and the meaning doesn't come through like it ought. Thanks for the clarification.
Oh gosh - Didn't mean to be so anal - I think I read your post B.C. (Before Coffee) -
@Kerome , @silver , everyone:
I have sent a message to Linc re: the OP's chosen name and the problems of underscoring......