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In Troubled Times What Stops Us From Reaching Out ?

ShoshinShoshin No one in particularNowhere Special Veteran
edited August 2016 in General Banter

...I can think of a few things that might stop one from reaching out for help....

"Pride" it would seem is one one the biggest obstacles ( I'm better than this and should be able to cope on my own, I don't want other people ie, family, friends or strangers (organisations) to know of my difficulties ...they may think 'less' of me if they do ) -I guess feelings of embarrassment & inadequacy are also part and parcel of "pride" ...

Then there's (I guess one could say another biggy) ... A bad experience in the past when asking for help from family, friends or strangers... This can leave one with deep ( at times misguided ) mistrust where pessimism & paranoia no doubt can take root...One starts to tar 'all' with the same brush of suspicion ... .

Shyness is another along with anxiety & depression and other mental health issues ....

No doubt the list goes on and on.......

From a Buddhist perspective one could say "I ( through my thoughts words and deeds) got into this mess and only "I" ( through my thoughts words and deeds ) must get out of it" by taking onboard the responsibility for the situation one finds oneself in (be it through a karmic sequence of events)...It's possible many seasoned practitioners no longer find themselves facing such predicaments or if they do they have the means to work through them without too much difficulty...

However in the long run we are all interconnected and need each others in order to survive the rough waters of Samsara ...There are times when we must reach out and humbly accept help from others... Bearing in mind that many who offer this help (and expertise) have been in similar situations themselves, hence why they have this desire to help others...

May we all be free from suffering....( and as @lobster would say "that iz the plan"

"Metta" <3

personWalkerBeejFosdickrohitnamarupa

Comments

  • BeejBeej Human Being Veteran

    For me it has been a combo of pride mixed with some quasi-noble nonsense about not wanting to burden other people. I recently asked someone for help for the first time in a while. It turns out that they still love me and didn't feel burdened by my request, at all. Imagine that. Heh. I couldn't. Now i can.

    lobstersilver
  • I honestly think that there are times people just don't know what it is that is upsetting them. How can someone ask for help if they don't know what it is they need help with?

    They feel confused, lost, and alone because they are fighting with their emotions. The more they fight, the stronger the emotions fight back. It is a vicious circle of self torment.

    lobstersilver
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited August 2016

    Fear. Of failure. Of being judged as incapable, or of being judged as manipulative.
    Fear that people will think you are exaggerating your situation. Fear of loss of face.
    Fear of an undignified existence...
    Fear of so many things, it's impossible to list them categorically.
    And I've experienced every single one of them.

    Edited. I was repeating myself.... but it bears repetition. Exposure is no bad thing....

    lobsternakazcidBeejsilver
  • Well said @Richdawson
    Some people don't even know that they don't know and don't care either way. As the Buddha pointed out ignorance is bliss ... eh a blessing dukkha ... knew we would get there ...

    Now surprisingly

    people like to help each other

    Ay caramba, we don't have to suffer in isolation ... Hooray.
    Share ...

    I wonder what people think demons are in dharma? Fear ... oh yes as @federica mentions. Been there, still collecting t-shirts. Confusion, pride, illness, madness, emotive turmoil? Or is that just me before breakfast?

    @Shoshin said:
    May we all be free from suffering....

    We haz plan. No stopping us now ...

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    I hate asking for help because with my family, most of the time it comes with obligation and expectation, whether it is just advice, financial help, or whatever. I can ask a basic question and whoever I ask gets mightily offended if I listen but opt not the use their advice. So I stopped asking to avoid the conflict. I have learned who I can ask for what without dealing with the judgement and obligation. If I am asking for help, the last thing I need is lectures. I will avoid talking to certain people about certain things or asking certain people for certain types of help.

    But, I also know I am in effect judging them, for judging me. I am horribly stubborn and I will suffer a lot before I ask for help in certain situations. But it's really not out of pride so much as it is in wanting to figure out and exhaust all the options I can think of out of self-sufficiency. Maybe it's the same thing.

    JeroenShoshin
  • Well said @IronRabbit we only give up dukkha when ready. Better the devil you know? Not really, in fact not the plan ...

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