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The responses to my last thread has lead me to ask this.
I am not a very emotional person and actually I hate it. Where before I had grown up thinking it's weak to cry I now really wish I could. I used to be able too in my early teens but somehow due to embarrassment I must have switched off and haven't been able too since. I actually enjoy feeling sad on the rare occasions as I feel like I I'm reflecting and healing myself somehow but it just doesn't feel deep enough.
It's weird being so numb, hard to explain but it just feels like I'm going through the motions all the time and lacking passion without a real re activeness to life. Like whatever happens nothing really knocks me and everything is just "OK". I feel like emotions set clear distinctions of whats good and bad rather then everything just being experience and I just beat myself up about it on the inside. I don't know if that conveys what I mean but as I said its hard to explain.
I am a 27 year old man and I would actually love to just ball my eyes out, it's not about acting tough anymore I just don't feel like I can. It feels impossible for me. My eyes just don't make tears. Nothing is truly good and nothing is truly bad it just is.
Anyway I thought meditation would help and even counseling but neither have. Hence why drink has seemed like a good option (FYI if anyone is getting the impression of me having a drinking problem I actually rarely drink at all, this week is prolly the most I've been drunk in 2 years).
Do you think emotions can be hidden away behind certain things, like triggers? Like maybe a certain specific experiences can happen and suddenly you feel things you haven't felt in years?