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Mindfulness and sexual activity

NB1100NB1100 Explorer
edited November 2016 in Buddhism Basics

Hi all,

I find there are many instructions and guidance on how to practice mindfulness properly.
To be mindful in everything we do is practicing mindfulness. When you have sexual intercourse with your wife, is it right to be mindful of the (gratification of) sexual act?

Some people considered this as wrong attention, sexual/sensual pleasure needs to be abandoned. But we also need to be mindful in everything we do, impartially.
Some people said it's ok for householders to have sexual activity with his/her spouse, therefore it's ok to practice mindfulness while having this activity.

Does anyone have the answer to this?

Comments

  • @NB1100 said:
    Hi all,

    I find there are many instructions and guidance on how to practice mindfulness properly.
    To be mindful in everything we do is practicing mindfulness. When you have sexual intercourse with your wife, is it right to be mindful of the (gratification of) sexual act?

    Some people considered this as wrong attention, sexual/sensual pleasure needs to be abandoned. But we also need to be mindful in everything we do, impartially.
    Some people said it's ok for householders to have sexual activity with his/her spouse, therefore it's ok to practice mindfulness while having this activity.

    Does anyone have the answer to this?

    Sounds like you and your wife show love and care for each other, even during the more 'base, animal' times such as with sex. My understanding of the dharma is that it's about not objectifying others. If you're so mindful of your experience it seems hard to imagine that you're objectifying her, instead, it sounds very connected. I'm guessing there isn't much dualism going on but instead you're in alaya.

  • DhammaDragonDhammaDragon Carpe Diem Recidivist Samsarist Veteran

    You've never had good sex until you have practiced it mindfully, @NB1100.
    Living in mindfulness and awareness is living many lives in one.
    That includes sex, for us laymen and laywomen who are entitled to have intercourse.

    karasti
  • PJKPJK UK Explorer
    edited November 2016

    @DhammaDragon
    I've often wondered is there any point in being a layman?

  • DhammaDragonDhammaDragon Carpe Diem Recidivist Samsarist Veteran
    edited November 2016

    @PJK said:
    Dhammadragon
    I've often wondered is there any point in being a layman?

    If a person does not have vocation for celibacy, it is far better to be a good layman than a bad monk.
    And the Buddha stated that laypeople can also attain Enlightenment, if that is your quibble.

    PJKkarastiVastmindBunks
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited November 2016

    @PJK said:
    @DhammaDragon
    I've often wondered is there any point in being a layman?

    I edited your post, @PJK, because in order to respond directly to another poster - and to alert them that you have done so - you type their name - PRECISELY as it appears on forum, and stick the '@' directly in front of it (or behind it, depending on which way you are most accustomed to reading - !) @DhammaDragon will now be informed you have responded to her post.

    Hope that helps. ;)

  • PJKPJK UK Explorer

    Oh good to know laypeople can be enlightened!

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Veteran

    @DhammaDragon Completely agree.

    It is a very different thing to be truly mindful during sex, and it can be a bit awkward at first. If you make your partner your focus, it's a very different thing than just focusing on your self-gratification. There are practices within Tantra where mindfulness is taken to more of an extreme for sexual/sensual practices, including participating in sex without the orgasm. It's an interesting thing.

    DhammaDragon
  • PJKPJK UK Explorer

    Yes there are certain techniques for taking you mind of self gratification.
    You can have someone walking up and down your chest wearing fishing waders full of strawberry jam all the time slapping you in the face with a wet haddock, whist whistling the bavarian drinking song.
    Works wonders.....I'm told!

    lobster
  • Steve_BSteve_B Far southwest corner of Indiana, USA Veteran

    or other days you could just stay in bed.

  • Will_BakerWill_Baker Vermont Veteran

    While moaning "Oh Cod, oh Cod..."
    -That is too funny :-)

    Vastmind
  • smarinosmarino florida Explorer

    Being too mindful can also be a problem for us guys. Thinking of baseball scores, doing our taxes, etc can be helpful whilst, well. you know.

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    ...No....?

    lobster
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