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I know this sounds silly considering I have been a Buddhist for two years now but I have also been meditating for two years and still don't know exactly what I'm doing it for.
I started because It seemed like the new trendy thing to do. It had promises of confidence, less stress, more focus, better self esteem (I mean it is a treatment in therepy) as well as of course making a spiritual journey.
However I just don't really feel any different, I thought I'd be a happier, more level person but am I? I don't know. Its backed by science apparently, it repositions gray matter in the brain and the moment you become "present" can also be detected by brain scanners (something like that) according to Dan Harris.
What I don't get though is how he and Sam Harris, people that were already skeptics came to take up meditation, I mean I've always had to fight with doubt about why I do it at all. What jumped out at them and made em think "wow I really should do this"?
Maybe It has changed me somehow but I have long forgotten the person I was before and therefore just can't tell.
I feel like the whole practice requires faith, because there is nothing that really confirms to you you're not just sitting there doing nothing.
I guess it has made me more self aware, I know this because when I first started and knew nothing about meditation I didn't even know the idea was to just notice your thoughts, I for some reason picked up the notion that I had to not think. Even then I noticed how self aware I became even though I didn't know that was the idea.
I picked up a lot of misconceptions about meditation when I started and It seems instead of learning I have actually spent a lot of time unlearning what I thought I knew. So now what Is left? Why in a practical sense should I keep practicing?