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Last night while meditating I had an insight that scared the bajesus out of me.
I was doing a form of loving kindness meditation in which I chant blessings like, "May all beings be blessed. May my parents be blessed with joy and tranquility. May dogs and cats everywhere have enough food, water, and nutrients, and a safe place to sleep. May terrorists find kindness and love so much that it overflows to everyone."
And it goes on and on like that. Loving, blissful, intense energy blasts through me when I practice this meditation. I've been practicing this type of loving kindness meditation for a while, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that many of the meditations in Lamrim are similar.
So, all was going fine.
Then weirdness happened.
For the first time I clearly identified the "I" that I think I am, and saw that it was a very weak construction that had no substance to it except the idea I've formed about it my whole life.
Okay, that's not very scary. But I looked right at it for the first time and saw that it was so flimsy and fragile that I felt it could dissolve at any moment.
If that happened, then what would I be? A conduit for supreme compassion, I supposed. What that entailed exactly, I don't know. Maybe it's the unknown that's scary. I mean, what's on the other end of something like that? Who are you when you are no longer you?