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Visited by my terror

KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest?Europe Veteran

I had an excellent vipassana this morning, which took me high on energy until I could nearly no longer feel my body, and this evening while I was reading I was visited by my terror... or at least that's what it said it was... it seemed nearly solid, like a cloud in front of me as I sat on the couch. It seemed to be touching me, like little pinpricks on my body. It whispered spiteful fragments of words at me. And it was quite scary.

I told it if it could come into my awareness I would embrace it like a brother, and waited. I asked it to leave its spite and hatred and delusions behind. And I heard the words 'wait' and then it slowly vanished into the distance.

Maybe a delayed reaction to the meditation?

Comments

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    This is a serious question:
    Have you encountered this before, and have you considered a malevolent presence?

    Kerome
  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited March 1

    @Kerome before you gonna call Ghostbusters ...

    I feel your response was excellent. Outstanding.
    You can also make use of it ...
    It sounds like a mind thing (technical term) and yes practice can 'bring up stuff'. I tend to use a 'mirrored metta bubble' that brings in the negative state, transforms it into metta and radiates it out ...

    Tonglen info:
    https://cauldronsandcupcakes.com/2013/04/18/how-to-do-tonglen-meditation-a-beginners-guide/

    Kerome
  • KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest? Europe Veteran
    edited March 1

    @federica said:
    This is a serious question:
    Have you encountered this before, and have you considered a malevolent presence?

    No I haven't encountered this before, although I do sometimes have tactile sensations related to hypnopompic hallucinations so the touching was not totally strange to me. Which is probably why I didn't freak out.

    I suspect it's more in the way of a construct of my own mind, if observed dispassionately the phenomenon was not that sophisticated, although in the heat of the moment it did shock me to full awareness.

    person
  • KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest? Europe Veteran

    Thanks for the suggestion @lobster, if it happens again I will try tonglen.

  • KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest? Europe Veteran

    Another amazing vipassana session, deep in the night, where I was going higher and higher, and as I was moving I saw various problems with my mind/aura, and with just a few words I was able to correct things, introducing more dispassion where worry was burning too strongly, removing some blemishes. One shouldn't overthink these things, letting intuition guide you and just being careful.

    I'm surprised I'm getting so deep into meditation with relative ease, they are very noticeable sensations. It's something to be grateful for I think.

    This time there wasn't a sensation of passing through a wall of blissful light, but there was a more serious deeper calm as the meditation moved further.

    silverpersonBunks
  • KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest? Europe Veteran

    And then I have a tough night's sleep, and feel wobbly all morning, and have a very difficult vipassana session in which my concentration keeps breaking down. So you can see, there are easy meditations and hard meditations. During this one I had a lot of difficulty reaching silence... it was like my mind was dancing and my chakras were all streaming with energy and it took a long time to settle down.

    During this one some thoughts were released about 'responsible ownership (of things material and immaterial) for the sake of myself and others'. It seemed aimed at me, and seemed to be like a vow that you had to take, part of spiritual progress. It is an area I have some failings in, perhaps I should give my apartment a thorough deep clean.

  • TravellerTraveller East Midlands UK Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    Another amazing vipassana session, deep in the night, where I was going higher and higher, and as I was moving I saw various problems with my mind/aura, and with just a few words I was able to correct things, introducing more dispassion where worry was burning too strongly, removing some blemishes. One shouldn't overthink these things, letting intuition guide you and just being careful.

    I'm surprised I'm getting so deep into meditation with relative ease, they are very noticeable sensations. It's something to be grateful for I think.

    This time there wasn't a sensation of passing through a wall of blissful light, but there was a more serious deeper calm as the meditation moved further.

    Ah, how wonderful, more to let go of!

    http://cdn.amaravati.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/26/Way-it-is-by-ajahn-sumedho.pdf

    silver
  • KannonKannon NAMU AMIDA BUTSU Ach-To Veteran

    I haven't seriously meditated in far too long and this thread inspired me to return to the practice. Thanks @Kerome. I've had similar sensations meditating, usually after 30-45 minutes, but nothing as powerful. Once after visualizing Amida Buddha it felt like warm hands were touching my face and shoulders

    silver
  • KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest? Europe Veteran

    Really difficult nights sleep... supposedly a demon shaped by my worry materialised from the space around me, penetrated into my soul and started adjusting key factors to do with the protective influences we all have around us. It was a bit like a slither of stuff but strangely focused and semi-intelligent, clever in a way.

    I had a vision of my soul in layers, some of it open and exposed and lower layers locked away. It was all pretty harrowing, I was shaking for a while, until I had a hot shower which calmed me down. The body is pretty tough.

  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited March 7

    The body/mind combo is tough. That does sound harrowing. O.o

    Stay grounded. Perhaps incorporating a session of walking meditation. To help you sleep a round of prostrations can burn up demons, shakes, physical angst, emotive fervour (good or bad) etc.

    Protection mantra can be very effective.
    http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/piyadassi/protection.html
    Find something you like and chant.

    Personal arisings can be washed away as you mention. Washed away 'demon type shaking' (a technical term) can be used to visualise the feeding of the hell realms.

    You can also mark/brand demons 'for the attention of C.S. Lobster' and I will pass them on to the suitable authorities - the Dharma Protectors. <3


    http://www.iloveulove.com/spirituality/buddhist/buddhistdeities.htm

  • KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest? Europe Veteran
    edited March 8

    Thanks @lobster, inspirational!

    I've been advised that in order to beat this I need to become free from fear. For me this means a better relationship with wrathful aspects, and a careful blocking out of demons. It is something I will work on.

    I seem to have connected to a powerful centre of hate, which bears me some malice and keeps sending me to difficult situations.

  • KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest? Europe Veteran
    edited March 8

    I find the combination of yoga and meditation to be very helpful. Strong and energetic body, healthy and skilful mind working in tandem to reach a higher level. But be sure not to waste it or let it leave your body, those prana energies can be strong.

    lobster
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    You have to find what works for you. For example the 'open to everyone' 21 Tara sadhana is given to beginners in the Tantric tradition I was involved with. Very good for fear. <3

    Hardly surprising. One of the 21 Taras is enough to scare the Buddha out of his Pureland, lobsters out of their shell and fear out of our bodies. O.o
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ekajati

    Yoga postures particularly those based around warrior asana can toughen one up. Many chi kung exercises are partly to balance emotive imbalances - that might be suitable ... B)

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