It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
I just had an idea that in my 15 years with mental illness on antipsychotics which regulate and dampen thought I guess. And in that time I have been a devout Buddhist.
But I wonder if I am having a hard time relating to other thought patterns than just sitting or daily awareness. My daily awareness is pretty dull but my sitting I can get a relief from trying to thread the needle so tough.
So it seems non-Buddhist patterns like materialism or western religion something derails me and then I have to just go back to some absorption. But I wonder if I can make brain connections to understanding thoughts that are not part of my Buddhist 'routine' of just kind of going to equinimity but in a low state with not much insight because of my meds and illness. It's a low state but I can get some body comfort from absorption. Is absorption a cop out? Should I alternate absorption (not trying to figure out) with trying to have more insight?
Also to add to that is I don't have many friends in the last 10 years so it's hard to recover as when I get more ill I can't even drive anywhere and be a part of a sangha in my city. I know I'm asking to much to have it all going somewhere with my ideas.