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4 Tendencies for meeting expectations when forming habits

personperson Where is my mind?'Merica! Veteran

Listening to Dan Harris' podcast yesterday he had on guest Gretchen Rubin to talk about her book about the basic tendencies we have in meeting inner and outer expectations, particularly in regards to forming new habits such as meditating, exercising, diet, etc.

Basically we either meet or resist inner or outer expectations and in combination of these there are 4 basic ways of meeting expectations.

-Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations
-Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense--essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations
-Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves
-Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike

She gives tips on how to keep ourselves motivated to keep to our wishes. For example questioners should learn about the topic to motivate themselves, while obligers should get a motivation partner or join a group who also wants to do the activity.

Check out the website for more and take the quiz to find out which you are.
https://gretchenrubin.com/2015/01/ta-da-the-launch-of-my-quiz-on-the-four-tendencies-learn-about-yourself/

Listen to the podcast with Dan Harris
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/10-happier-with-dan-harris/id1087147821?mt=2

Shoshin

Comments

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    I took the test and guess what...

    However some of the questions and supplied answers didn't really fit with my approach...

  • personperson Where is my mind? 'Merica! Veteran

    @Shoshin said:
    I took the test and guess what...
    However some of the questions and supplied answers didn't really fit with my approach...

    Listening to the podcast I thought I was a questioner with rebel tendencies, but after taking the test I was a rebel too. Rebels are supposed to be the smallest category, but it is a simple test so it could be off some too.

    Listening to a short talk she gave on rebels though I definitely identified on how rebels motivate themselves.

  • KeromeKerome Did I fall in the forest? Europe Veteran
    edited September 16

    I suspect this woman Gretchen is modelling her types from her family and kids. They seem very kids-and-teenager types. Real adult human beings are significantly more complex... people may have a dominant reaction type, but I use various strategies at different times.

    When I'm on holiday at my mothers', I'm a rebel. When I'm working, I'm more an upholder. And sometimes when I'm feeling ornery, I'm a questioner.

  • personperson Where is my mind? 'Merica! Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    I suspect this woman Gretchen is modelling her types from her family and kids. They seem very kids-and-teenager types. Real adult human beings are significantly more complex... people may have a dominant reaction type, but I use various strategies at different times.

    Could be, she is more of a self help and happiness author than a scientist. She said on the podcast that she was trying to find some researchers to do some work on her idea.

    When I'm on holiday at my mothers', I'm a rebel. When I'm working, I'm more an upholder. And sometimes when I'm feeling ornery, I'm a questioner.

    Reading this I don't think you've really understood her types and probably her overall hypothesis.

  • SnakeskinSnakeskin Texas, USA Explorer

    The quiz classified me as a Questioner. I responded, "What?! That was the last one I would've guessed. Why would it... Oh." I read the expanded description provided with the results. Mostly true:

    Questioners question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified, so in effect, they meet only inner expectations.

    Once Questioners believe that a particular habit is worthwhile, they’ll stick to it—but only if they’re satisfied about the habit’s soundness and usefulness. They resist anything arbitrary or ineffective; they accept direction only from people they respect.

    Questioners may exhaust themselves (and other people) with their relentless questioning, and they sometimes find it hard to act without perfect information.

    If you’re thinking, “Well, right now I question the validity of the Four Tendencies framework,” yep, you’re probably a Questioner!

    I didn't wanna listen to the podcast to learn what to do with a tendency and found this page of strategies: https://gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/want-to-change-an-important-habit

    person
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