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Over the past 5 years, I've desired inner peace more than anything. I've been performing meditation (mainly counting of breaths to ten for at least 15 minutes per day) for 6+ years. While I can admit that I am noticeably calmer, I still greatly suffer internally (self-judgement, lack of self-compassion, etc.) as well as from external situations (getting mad at other's opinions, people "judging" me, anger at people being "weak" and unable to follow diets, etc.).
From a logical stand point, there is no need to hold onto these thoughts and while in meditation, I don't. However, once I begin daily life with common stressors, these thought dominate my life. In addition, even while in meditation, I get negative and judgmental thoughts but I am able to let go of them more often than not.
It feels like I can't escape from stress and internal negativity.
I hear wonderful stories regarding how meditation alone can help harbor a calmer, more peaceful mind. While I partly agree with that, I feel like it may not be enough on its own.
What I really want is to be able to: a) have naturally compassionate thoughts arise naturally (less negativity and judgement) or simply less judgement in general and b) a mind that naturally is calm opposed to a mind that is always racing and burning me out.
While this post is somewhat sporadic (like my mind ) I imagine that someone has been in a similar situation. Any retrospection or thoughts welcome.