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I know what you're thinking, omg another sob story from mingle. Hear me out though..
The last couple of weeks have been tough, I am 28 and definitely in deep with a quarter life crisis. The age 30 feels very near and I can feel it's cold breath on the back of my neck. I have had a lot of ups and a lot of downs. Mainly downs to be honest as most of the time I just wanna cry.
Life is gonna change for me and it's gonna change soon, no longer am I gonna be considered a young man. I really cannot get over the fact that my body is gonna start getting weaker and I have to be so much more health conscious. I look at the youth and feel jealous, I look at girls in their early 20's and they probably think I'm old. All of this has brought me to some pretty low moments, moments where I just don't see a point in life. I already seem to hate it, hate the world. I felt like my future just contained nothing but misery. Hey I'll say it I even had suicidal thoughts. Yes I am just that hung up.
I feel old, I feel irrelevant, I feel hopeless and strangely.... More confident.
I may sound a bit crazy here but somehow I actually feel like a different person in my mind. Like as I was freaking out I felt my identity breaking down. Suddenly I am not that guy. I felt like life sucks yeah sure but hey I'm here so I might as well enjoy it.
Suddenly I am saying things I never say to people, I feel more connected to them, I'm wittier too. I even complemented a cute girl yesterday and she liked it. I thought "hey this isn't me"
This change to 30 is really forcing me to change my ideals and outlook on life. Who cares if I'm old? Old people are awesome! They seem so happy and witty all the time, they look at youths worrying about silly stuff and just laugh. Hey that's gonna be me! I know myself and who I am and I am comfortable enough to not care what others think. I also feel like I have some good wisdom to share too and I love sharing it to others.
Also all of this has put my practice into a good perspective. It has shown me how attached to youth I am, how fluid identity is and how just the simple notion of "hey I am 30 soon crap I'm getting on a bit" can worm its way into my mind and suddenly I have become it! I mean lately I seem to fall for any woman I feel the slightest connection with and it happens alot. It happens so much that yesterday I was mindful of it and actually caught my mind in the act. I felt me getting infatuated and I didn't judge it I just let it be. Now, it's gone!
What's so great about being 20 something..? Not much, this decade has been filled with worry and self conscious thoughts. Maybe it's time I stop caring and just live. Drop the ego and look into my philosophy. Perhaps my 30's won't so bad after all.