Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@newbuddhist.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take up to 48 hours. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

Turning 30

I know what you're thinking, omg another sob story from mingle. Hear me out though..

The last couple of weeks have been tough, I am 28 and definitely in deep with a quarter life crisis. The age 30 feels very near and I can feel it's cold breath on the back of my neck. I have had a lot of ups and a lot of downs. Mainly downs to be honest as most of the time I just wanna cry.

Life is gonna change for me and it's gonna change soon, no longer am I gonna be considered a young man. I really cannot get over the fact that my body is gonna start getting weaker and I have to be so much more health conscious. I look at the youth and feel jealous, I look at girls in their early 20's and they probably think I'm old. All of this has brought me to some pretty low moments, moments where I just don't see a point in life. I already seem to hate it, hate the world. I felt like my future just contained nothing but misery. Hey I'll say it I even had suicidal thoughts. Yes I am just that hung up.

I feel old, I feel irrelevant, I feel hopeless and strangely.... More confident.

I may sound a bit crazy here but somehow I actually feel like a different person in my mind. Like as I was freaking out I felt my identity breaking down. Suddenly I am not that guy. I felt like life sucks yeah sure but hey I'm here so I might as well enjoy it.

Suddenly I am saying things I never say to people, I feel more connected to them, I'm wittier too. I even complemented a cute girl yesterday and she liked it. I thought "hey this isn't me"

This change to 30 is really forcing me to change my ideals and outlook on life. Who cares if I'm old? Old people are awesome! They seem so happy and witty all the time, they look at youths worrying about silly stuff and just laugh. Hey that's gonna be me! I know myself and who I am and I am comfortable enough to not care what others think. I also feel like I have some good wisdom to share too and I love sharing it to others.

Also all of this has put my practice into a good perspective. It has shown me how attached to youth I am, how fluid identity is and how just the simple notion of "hey I am 30 soon crap I'm getting on a bit" can worm its way into my mind and suddenly I have become it! I mean lately I seem to fall for any woman I feel the slightest connection with and it happens alot. It happens so much that yesterday I was mindful of it and actually caught my mind in the act. I felt me getting infatuated and I didn't judge it I just let it be. Now, it's gone!

What's so great about being 20 something..? Not much, this decade has been filled with worry and self conscious thoughts. Maybe it's time I stop caring and just live. Drop the ego and look into my philosophy. Perhaps my 30's won't so bad after all.

personlobster

Comments

  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    Ahh 30... I remember being that young!

    seeker242dhammachick
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran

    @Mingle said:
    I really cannot get over the fact that my body is gonna start getting weaker

    I'm nearly 45 and that has yet to happen. =)

    dhammachickCarlita
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Mingle said:
    I know what you're thinking, omg another sob story from mingle. Hear me out though..

    The last couple of weeks have been tough, I am 28 and definitely in deep with a quarter life crisis. The age 30 feels very near and I can feel it's cold breath on the back of my neck. I have had a lot of ups and a lot of downs. Mainly downs to be honest as most of the time I just wanna cry.

    Life is gonna change for me and it's gonna change soon, no longer am I gonna be considered a young man. I really cannot get over the fact that my body is gonna start getting weaker and I have to be so much more health conscious. I look at the youth and feel jealous, I look at girls in their early 20's and they probably think I'm old. All of this has brought me to some pretty low moments, moments where I just don't see a point in life. I already seem to hate it, hate the world. I felt like my future just contained nothing but misery. Hey I'll say it I even had suicidal thoughts. Yes I am just that hung up.

    I feel old, I feel irrelevant, I feel hopeless and strangely.... More confident.

    I may sound a bit crazy here but somehow I actually feel like a different person in my mind. Like as I was freaking out I felt my identity breaking down. Suddenly I am not that guy. I felt like life sucks yeah sure but hey I'm here so I might as well enjoy it.

    Suddenly I am saying things I never say to people, I feel more connected to them, I'm wittier too. I even complemented a cute girl yesterday and she liked it. I thought "hey this isn't me"

    This change to 30 is really forcing me to change my ideals and outlook on life. Who cares if I'm old? Old people are awesome! They seem so happy and witty all the time, they look at youths worrying about silly stuff and just laugh. Hey that's gonna be me! I know myself and who I am and I am comfortable enough to not care what others think. I also feel like I have some good wisdom to share too and I love sharing it to others.

    Also all of this has put my practice into a good perspective. It has shown me how attached to youth I am, how fluid identity is and how just the simple notion of "hey I am 30 soon crap I'm getting on a bit" can worm its way into my mind and suddenly I have become it! I mean lately I seem to fall for any woman I feel the slightest connection with and it happens alot. It happens so much that yesterday I was mindful of it and actually caught my mind in the act. I felt me getting infatuated and I didn't judge it I just let it be. Now, it's gone!

    What's so great about being 20 something..? Not much, this decade has been filled with worry and self conscious thoughts. Maybe it's time I stop caring and just live. Drop the ego and look into my philosophy. Perhaps my 30's won't so bad after all.

    Wait until you're 60 (Like I am). THEN - start worrying.

    The worry will be far more comprehensive then, than your worry is now.

    Think about -

    Do I have enough money in my retirement?
    What if I get REALLY sick and need prolonged medical treatment?
    Who will help me and look after me, as and when I need it?
    Where will I spend my days, if I am infirm and incapable of extensive movement?
    If my ass needs wiping, and I need bathing - who will do it?

    30?

    30 is wonderful Amazing.
    30 is when you really come into your own.
    30 is a fabulous time of life.
    30 is when you reach your peak.

    it's 'after 30' you need to be planning for.

    dhammachick
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    @Mingle said:
    I know what you're thinking, omg another sob story from mingle. Hear me out though..

    The last couple of weeks have been tough, I am 28 and definitely in deep with a quarter life crisis. The age 30 feels very near and I can feel it's cold breath on the back of my neck. I have had a lot of ups and a lot of downs. Mainly downs to be honest as most of the time I just wanna cry.

    Life is gonna change for me and it's gonna change soon, no longer am I gonna be considered a young man. I really cannot get over the fact that my body is gonna start getting weaker and I have to be so much more health conscious. I look at the youth and feel jealous, I look at girls in their early 20's and they probably think I'm old. All of this has brought me to some pretty low moments, moments where I just don't see a point in life. I already seem to hate it, hate the world. I felt like my future just contained nothing but misery. Hey I'll say it I even had suicidal thoughts. Yes I am just that hung up.

    I feel old, I feel irrelevant, I feel hopeless and strangely.... More confident.

    I may sound a bit crazy here but somehow I actually feel like a different person in my mind. Like as I was freaking out I felt my identity breaking down. Suddenly I am not that guy. I felt like life sucks yeah sure but hey I'm here so I might as well enjoy it.

    Suddenly I am saying things I never say to people, I feel more connected to them, I'm wittier too. I even complemented a cute girl yesterday and she liked it. I thought "hey this isn't me"

    This change to 30 is really forcing me to change my ideals and outlook on life. Who cares if I'm old? Old people are awesome! They seem so happy and witty all the time, they look at youths worrying about silly stuff and just laugh. Hey that's gonna be me! I know myself and who I am and I am comfortable enough to not care what others think. I also feel like I have some good wisdom to share too and I love sharing it to others.

    Also all of this has put my practice into a good perspective. It has shown me how attached to youth I am, how fluid identity is and how just the simple notion of "hey I am 30 soon crap I'm getting on a bit" can worm its way into my mind and suddenly I have become it! I mean lately I seem to fall for any woman I feel the slightest connection with and it happens alot. It happens so much that yesterday I was mindful of it and actually caught my mind in the act. I felt me getting infatuated and I didn't judge it I just let it be. Now, it's gone!

    What's so great about being 20 something..? Not much, this decade has been filled with worry and self conscious thoughts. Maybe it's time I stop caring and just live. Drop the ego and look into my philosophy. Perhaps my 30's won't so bad after all.

    They did a happiness survey of Australian males a few years ago.

    The outcome was that men are most unhappy at 42 or 43 (from memory) and happiest at about 72.

    The worst and best is yet to come mate :)

    dhammachick
  • NamadaNamada Veteran

    Make a list of things that you like?
    What do you like to do, things that makes you smile?
    What is happines for you?

    Our life on earth dosent last very long anyway.

    Bunks
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited October 12

    @Mingle some food for thought...

    dhammachicklobster
  • yagryagr Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    Ahh 30... I remember being that young!

    I don't - too long ago. :)

    dhammachick
  • yagryagr Veteran

    I laughed at the idea of turning thirty being an issue right up till the day before my thirtieth birthday. Suddenly, it became a big deal. So I got myself a sandwich board, took it to the busiest corner in Fairbanks, Alaska, put it on after I had written on it:

    Hit me; I need the re-birth. Turning thirty tomorrow, time to start over.

    Lots of chuckles from me and drivers. Felt better, went home.

    BunksShoshinwojciech
  • CarlitaCarlita Om Vajrasattva Hum United States Veteran

    @seeker242 said:

    @Mingle said:
    I really cannot get over the fact that my body is gonna start getting weaker

    I'm nearly 45 and that has yet to happen. =)

    You gave me hope! I'm 36 and getting weaker and sicker. I blame it on my illness rather than age. :p They say things start getting older in your mid 55s.

  • dhammachickdhammachick crazy Aussie BUJU Sydney, Australia Veteran

    @Carlita said:

    You gave me hope! I'm 36 and getting weaker and sicker. I blame it on my illness rather than age. :p They say things start getting older in your mid 55s.

    40's are pretty rocking too. Even with my neurological disease :wink:

    BunksCarlitaKerome
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Veteran

    It is true that you are only as old as you feel and act. I'm almost 42, and I feel a million times better, in every possible way, than I did when I was 22. And for what it's worth, when I was 31 when I married my husband, and he was 23.

  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    @Carlita said:

    @seeker242 said:

    @Mingle said:
    I really cannot get over the fact that my body is gonna start getting weaker

    I'm nearly 45 and that has yet to happen. =)

    You gave me hope! I'm 36 and getting weaker and sicker. I blame it on my illness rather than age. :p They say things start getting older in your mid 55s.

    You can kind of get away with not doing anything until your forties... then it’s time to start paying attention to exercise and diet and those things. You’d be surprised how much getting in shape in your early forties can turn things around. But my father is 69, and until recently he was still doing Bikram yoga in heated rooms three times a week.

    dhammachickkarastiCarlita
  • CarlitaCarlita Om Vajrasattva Hum United States Veteran

    @Kerome said:

    @Carlita said:

    @seeker242 said:

    @Mingle said:
    I really cannot get over the fact that my body is gonna start getting weaker

    I'm nearly 45 and that has yet to happen. =)

    You gave me hope! I'm 36 and getting weaker and sicker. I blame it on my illness rather than age. :p They say things start getting older in your mid 55s.

    You can kind of get away with not doing anything until your forties... then it’s time to start paying attention to exercise and diet and those things. You’d be surprised how much getting in shape in your early forties can turn things around. But my father is 69, and until recently he was still doing Bikram yoga in heated rooms three times a week.

    Yeah, I noticed that. I started having eye issues more often and it's connected with sugar. So, I started exercising and one of the eye issues subsided. The other one hasn't, though. A lot of self-discipline. Bikram yoga? I haven't heard of that. I took yoga and other classes before I had to cancel my gym membership.

  • 69 here and not far away from 70. The body no longer nimble. The mind expanding and ever curious. Not a bad place to be at all.

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @genkaku said:
    @Mingle -- Take up Buddhism for a change. It may help you to stop believing in time, believing in age, believing in death and worrying about stepping in the dog shit we all step in from time to time.

    Or, alternatively, find a nice quiet corner, sit down, and enjoy being depressed about what can't be changed. :)

    I totally and utterly second the motion.

    Mingle
  • MingleMingle Veteran

    @genkaku said:
    @Mingle -- Take up Buddhism for a change. It may help you to stop believing in time, believing in age, believing in death and worrying about stepping in the dog shit we all step in from time to time.

    Or, alternatively, find a nice quiet corner, sit down, and enjoy being depressed about what can't be changed. :)

    I'm actually finding this a great time to be mindful and it really seems to bring out my attachment to my identity of youth. Feels like a destruction of one identity in order to create another. All it is though is an illusion. At the end of the day we're all just flesh and bone. Would you say your practice gets easier with age?

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Veteran

    For myself, I've found it's mostly my trust in my ability to handle things that gets better and thus makes life (generally) easier with age. My practice is a huge part of that happening, though.

  • Would you say your practice gets easier with age?

    LOL
    An aged practice is ever young. It is you again who are old news ...
    Too wikid? o:)
    We are stardust, we are g old en ...

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited October 14

    @Mingle said:
    Would you say your practice gets easier with age?

    As we practice we age, and the saying goes "Practice makes Perfect" ...so in theory, yes it should....

    However....

    "With age comes Wisdom-but sometimes age comes alone "

    ~Oscar Wilde~

    And so if one's practice is somewhat haphazard ...then perhaps not....( well not any easier) Like with many ventures We tend to reap what we sow

    lobster
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

    Would you say your practice gets easier with age?

    @mingle -- Still looking for a silver lining, are you? "Easier" and "harder" are for high school math tests. Practice probably becomes less solemn as time passes, but I'm not sure. To be honest, though, I'm not quite sure what "practice" means any more ... or doesn't mean.

    Another sign of old and fat and lazy, no doubt.

    Screw it! Do it!

    Or don't.

    Just try not to kick the cat.

    lobsterdhammachickwojciech
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @Mingle

    In the long run (pun intended :winky: ) age is relative ...
    For example I'm considered old by some and young by others.....

  • tibellustibellus Veteran
    edited October 14

    Turned 30 this year. From what I've seen around me, most people are still immature, even in their 30s. And you - a general you - worry about stuff at any age; yes, you won't worry about the things you worried at 20 - or maybe you sometimes do, don't know - but in the end, it's just another number. We humans like to identify with numbers, to count things, quantify stuff, don't we? :smile:

    When I hit the big three-o, it was weird and funny that people around me were making a bigger deal out of it than me. Nothing changed and everything changed. In my head, I'm the same person. Some friends I haven't seen in a couple of years told me that I changed for the better. I think that the confidence you're talking about it's stemming from experience. We had a decade to practice. :awesome:

    Best of luck and hope everything goes well.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    The Fountain of Youth @Mingle can (along with the kitchen sink) be found in the mind...One is as young (or as old) as one thinks and feels....

    You may also like to ponder this ....

    The Buddhist concept of "Karma & Rebirth" is in a sense the "Fountain of Youth" where according to Buddhism , one continually drinks the karmic waters of Samsara (craving & aversion) and is re born again and again ....no rest for the wicked :winky:

    Um I wonder how many times "I" have been 30 ? ? ?

  • dhammachickdhammachick crazy Aussie BUJU Sydney, Australia Veteran

    @genkaku said:

    Just try not to kick the cat.

    Weeeeell............ Don't get caught :awesome:

    lobster
  • inyoinyo Explorer

    Yeah I'm pretty sure everyone has had those thoughts at some point. Superficially speaking, I actually used to feel really ugly and had very low self esteem...as I get older I feel more confident in myself both in looks, personality, etc...I'm not sure why...maybe we go through phases or maybe I'm embracing myself and not really caring what others think like I used to.

    As with anything it's best to try to not be affected either way, at least for me. I like to practice not caring about anything because it makes me relax. Of course I care, but sort of tell my brain to stop caring so I chill out and not attach/worry so much about things out of my control.

  • DhammaDragonDhammaDragon Carpe Diem Recidivist Samsarist Veteran

    @genkaku said:
    @Mingle -- Take up Buddhism for a change. It may help you to stop believing in time, believing in age, believing in death and worrying about stepping in the dog shit we all step in from time to time.

    Or, alternatively, find a nice quiet corner, sit down, and enjoy being depressed about what can't be changed. :)

    I have been absent for... six months?

    I do believe in impermanence, but some things never seem to change.

    Like @Mingle's posts, for instance.

    Have you tried Buddhism yet?

Sign In or Register to comment.