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My god I just have to moan about this

MingleMingle Veteran
edited December 5 in Philosophy

I have a neighbor/friend of whom I have known for years. I used to pay attention to what he says but over the years our opinions on stuff just slowly drifted apart. I think it actually started when I got in to Buddhism funnily enough but that's not important. He is alot older than me and he often comes out with a few things that I just put down to being old and out dated and I find his philosophy on pretty much anything these days annoying. I mean he judges me cause I watch South Park ffs.
Anyways he said something today that just took the biscuit. He was telling me about a news story (wether it is true or not is not relevant) about an incident that happened on a train. Apparently a white man and a Pakistani were bullying two gay white men. Anyways the white man steals one of the gay men's phone then proceeds to put him in a headlock making him apologize for being gay and the gay man unfortunately does just that. At this moment a woman intervines and gets knocked out because of it. He then focuses on how she then complained about getting hit even though she instigated the violence. That itself is a different issue of which I have views on but it's not for this story. I am just surprised on how he chose that as the focal point.
Anyway I responded as such " oh, that's disappointing. That's not wat I expected at all. I was hoping you were gonna tell me someone beat the crap out of the bullies. It's especially disappointing that the homosexual man apologized to the bully"
How he responded is what (as much as I hate the word) TRIGGERED me. "Well that's fair enough"
"What do you mean, why should the gay guy apologize?"
"Well being gay is a sorry state to be in"
"What? No it's not! No one should ever have to apologize for being gay!"
He then went on to mock me saying how watching all these liberal videos on YouTube by Trannies (Blaire White) has "weakened" me and that I never would have come out with this 20 years ago (what when I was 8?). He then implied that I too was gay saying how I fancy men that dress like women and I just responded "WHAT? No!" (Blaire White is a trans-gender just to clarify and I love watching her and yeah I do think she's hot)
At that point he said to change the subject of which I gladly replied "yeah.. let's"
I can't believe in this day and age people still think like that, that is such an out dated ridiculous notion to have now.
In a way I am glad he said what he said because it has made it very clear that his views are bs and I feel stronger in mine.
I have learned over the years that with age doesn't always come wisdom.

Comments

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    How do you feel about this man? Do you feel compassion? Do you feel loving kindness towards him?
    Are you inclined to reach out to him and consider how out of sorts and afraid he must feel?

    If not, then you would do well to look to your own attitude rather than criticise his.
    Whatever we treat as inferior, less than us or below our standards, is an indication we are as imperfect as they are.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited December 5

    @Mingle said:
    I can't believe in this day and age people still think like that, that is such an out dated ridiculous notion to have now.
    In a way I am glad he said what he said because it has made it very clear that his views are bs and I feel stronger in mine.
    I have learned over the years that with age doesn't always come wisdom.

    Hurt people hurt people no doubt your neighbour is suffering 'mentally' ...

    It would seem that your neighbour is caught up in "extreme" thought patterns/opinions @Mingle hence why one must remain vigilant and watch the contents of the mind...always seek out a middle way...

    Otherwise one can easily become trapped/stuck in an unhealthy/unwholesome mind set...which is not always easy to get out of...

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited December 6

    That too, @IronRabbit is a thoroughly questionable attitude.
    Don't forget, stupid people think you're stupid too.

    And stupid people also have skills you don't have.

    I know one "stupid" person who is an absolute matchless Master of plastering. His workmanship is precise, skilled and flawless.
    I would never presume to call him stupid.

    But his opinions and knowledge-base come from different grounds to mine.
    That doesn't make him stupid.
    It makes him a different individual.
    Nope.
    I would say that little snippet is not helpful.
    Nor is it skilful.

    lobster
  • DavidDavid some guy The Hammer in Ontario, Canada, eh Veteran

    I try to see these types in the same light Archie Bunker was portrayed.

    What a great show All in the Family was.

    silver
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @David said:
    I try to see these types in the same light Archie Bunker was portrayed.

    What a great show All in the Family was.

    Had to look it up.
    Turns out, you stole the idea from us...Til Death Us Do part....Alf Garnett.

    Gotcha.
    Yeah, I can go with that.

  • @federica said:
    Don't forget, stupid people think you're stupid too.

    Good news. To be encouraged.

    Then ...

    My god I just have to moan about this

    You really don't ...

    Fortunately ... I am not compassionate for every last drop of ignorance, tempting though that might be. I like to encourage the good people, some of whom are present ...

    I agree with @IronRabbit
    Let the trumps, the haters, the troubled samsarians go chasing their samsara tales and tails for a while ...

    I iz Wikid Buddhist ...
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhavacakra

    DhammaDragon
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Veteran

    Since he is a friend, I think you might have had the option (though I understand reacting after being caught off guard) to approach it with another viewpoint rather than "attacking" which is possibly how it came across. There are a million reasons people hold the views they do, but most often they are taught. By religion, by parents, by peers, by communities. He has learned along the way that "gay is bad" and anyone labeled as bad have effectively earned whatever punitive measures they are given. He probably has not ever been open enough to consider seeing gay people as just people, to have sat down and had coffee with them etc. That is how most hearts and minds change when we hold such judgments about other people. I usually try to offer a "well, I know a lot of gay people and they are just people like everyone else. No different" and then I let it be. If they want to discuss, that is one thing, if they want to dig in their heels it usually becomes obvious and I don't engage them further. I run into this a lot where I live with regards to other races but not everyone is worth engaging. I often find myself re-evaluating their place in my life when they make these thoughts known.

    It has been interesting to note this cementing of "NO, this is how I want the world to be, familiar and comfortable and easy!" as my parents get older. They have always been pretty liberal and open-minded but as they approach 70, they are less willing to continue growing and changing with the world. they don't want to have to work at things, including thinking about things, anymore. They just want things to be simple and easy so they can enjoy life, an considering other points of view is too taxing for them, apparently. I don't know how old your friend is, but if they are an older person, just a perspective to consider. It makes me wonder what I will be like in 25 years.

  • @federica said:
    That too, @IronRabbit is a thoroughly questionale attitude.

    Nor is it skilful.

    That too? Guess that's confirmation of consistency in an ongoing obdurate outlook. Accepted.

    @lobster, make room in the naughty corner.

    BTW let's do a spellcheck: "questionale?" Come now, that b must have got in your bonnet on this post!

    And we won't bother with "skilful" vs "skillfull" because that extra "L" is just stoopid.

  • SnakeskinSnakeskin Texas, USA Veteran

    @karasti said:
    ... as they approach 70, they are less willing to continue growing and changing with the world.

    I've noticed that too but saw something very different in my grandmother. She was poor, raised 9 boys through the Great Depression, while her three husbands, first as soldiers, fought in WWII and the Korean War, then as National Guard, on the wrong side of the cultural revolution in the US. She was tough as nails.

    I spent the last 2 months of her life with her in the hospital. In her room I sat at her bedside. At one point she pulled one of her nurse's hands into her own and stressed how proud she was of her and to not let anyone ever tell her otherwise. The nurse cast a sideways glance at me. Very subtly I shook my head. She turned back to my grandma, thanked her and left the room. My grandma had to give that encouragement, because the nurse was black. After a lifetime spent in a racist society, this was her way of not being racist. It was very racist. Also very beautiful. She never stopped trying. I loved that woman.

    Fosdickkarasti
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited December 6

    @IronRabbit said:

    @federica said:
    That too, @IronRabbit is a thoroughly questionable attitude.

    Nor is it skilful.

    That too? Guess that's confirmation of consistency in an ongoing obdurate outlook. Accepted.

    @lobster, make room in the naughty corner.

    BTW let's do a spellcheck: "questionale?" Come now, that b must have got in your bonnet on this post!

    I have the dubious privilege of being able to edit loooong after you guys can.
    Meh... It has its advantages...

    image

    And we won't bother with "skilful" vs "skillfull" because that extra "L" is just stoopid.

    It's British English spelling. The word is correct according to the OED.

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Veteran

    Every time I see "skil" it reminds me of the brand of power tools in the US :lol:

    @Snakeskin My grandma was much the same. Lived her entire life in a town of 200 people except a brief stint in HI during WWII. She often didn't understand (in her own words) but she kept a very live and let live attitude. Whatever made people happy was good by her, mostly. Except my using a reel mower, which she insisted was an insult to her entire generation that worked so hard to make things easier and here I am using that contraption instead of a self-propelling mower! Heh.

    She lived next door to us so I saw her daily and she would often ask what I thought of X Y o Z that was on the news. Maybe when you get to a certain beyond older age, that "I hate dealing with the world and everyone in it" goes away again, lol. My grandma was pretty happy and jolly most of her last 10 years or so. she was 90 when she died. But she was down right "get off my lawn" from 65-80! Which is right where my parents are getting. Fantastic, lol.

    Snakeskin
  • SnakeskinSnakeskin Texas, USA Veteran

    Many do not realize that
    We here must die.
    For those who realize this,
    Quarrels end.

    • Dhp 6
    lobsterBunksDhammaDragonCarlita
  • Yeah, I moan over things too!
    My response is MY problem to work with.
    Whether you take a Buddhist or a Cognitive-Behavioral psychological approach ... we are what we think, and our responses come from the internal response-habits we have created.
    Buddhism, and CB therapy too, offer ways of changing our habits and patterns.
    In other words, when we get annoyed, WE are OUR problem .. not the provoker.

    As for relating to annoying people ... my teacher (a Tibetan Lama) is the best example for me:
    He never argues, never agrees. He just defuses.
    He says either "You might be right", or "I'll have to think about that".
    Such a KIND way to respond.

    And we aren't going to change other people's attitudes anyway. So why create more discord in the world?

    lobsterSnakeskindhammachickDhammaDragon
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    I agree for the most part @FoibleFull but if somebody’s view is harming others then I think it is worthwhile to (at the very least) state that we oppose that view. And explain the harm that it causes. This can be done in a calm and respectful manner.

    SnakeskinDhammaDragon
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @DhammaDragon said:
    A friend of mine, with nonplussed French irony and sarcasm, always says "We are all someone's asshole."

    Which reminds me of the Scott Adams quote

    "Everybody's somebody else's weirdo" ..........Welcome to the club ;)

    SnakeskinDhammaDragon
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Or as a wise and respected friend advised me, "Just approach everyone as if they have Asperger's..." It helps one to also develop Compassion...

    lobsterSnakeskinKerome
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Mingle is currently on forum (as I write).... So it would be nice - not to say courteous - for him to contribute a response to his own thread.

    I would say....

  • @Bunk
    I oppose everyones opinions, especially my own ;)

    In other words ... not having opinions but veering to gnosis/awakening/right view is the ideal ...

    How?
    Just so you know, I feel Potas trauma-trump is a complete and utter ignoramus. However some people (especially him) feel he is the greatest thing since zen koans. So clearly there are variances of opinion that I don't engage in beyond a certain point. Ideally that exists before my venting, possibility of conflict arousal... However I am still a bit human, something we must wish for Trump too ... :p

    SnakeskinBunksDhammaDragon
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @federica said:
    @Mingle is currently on forum (as I write).... So it would be nice - not to say courteous - for him to contribute a response to his own thread.

    I would say....

    Going, going.... Gone.

This discussion has been closed.