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How well are you coping with dukkha?

BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe DiemSamsara Veteran

I am reading Dennis Tirch's book "Buddhist Psychology and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy," which delves into the relationship between both suffering-relief approaches.

Both Buddhism and CBT stress the importance of three key elements to lead as much a dukkha-free life as possible:

❤️Mindfulness
❤️Acceptance
❤️Compassion

These three elements may mean different things to different people, but basically, for me:

❤️Mindfulness implies being deeply grounded in the present moment experience, without grieving over a past which is gone and done with, nor stressing over a future which is yet to come
❤️Acceptance of reality as it is, as it unfolds, as it presents itself, rather than wishing for situations and people to be whatever else I would like them to be
❤️Compassion, which begins with self-compassion and radiates out to other fellow sentiment beings who, like me, are striving to come to terms with dukkha, impermanence and not-self.

Some people aim to attain Enlightenment, which also may mean different things to different people.
But me, I just aim to attain inner peace, equanimity, suffer less over situations I cannot change, react less and respond more...
In a nutshell, teach myself to accept.
I am a better version of the "bundle of processes and becoming" I was ten years ago, though not as good as I hope to be in ten more years.

What about you?
How well are you coping with dukkha?
Is your practice helping you?

Hozanpersonlobster

Comments

  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited December 6

    There is Dukkha?
    I am gonna build a sukkha ...
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukha

    Wait wrong one ...
    I needs one of these Sukkahs ... wonder if Ikea does them ...
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukkah

    What was the question again ... :3

    HozanBuddhadragonKundoCarameltail
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    On the outside...

    On the inside...

    Constantly aiming to balance the two.

    lobsterKeromeKundoDavid
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    @lobster said:
    There is Dukkha?
    I am gonna build a sukkha ...

    Oh yes...

    Hozanlobster
  • GuiGui Veteran

    We make dukkha in our minds. My struggle is not with suffering but why it would be a concern.

    BuddhadragonKundo
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    @federica said:
    On the outside...

    On the inside...

    Constantly aiming to balance the two.

    I found this quite touching. The second image is how a lot of us are taught to be by our environment, while the first image is the ideal of the meditator, and of many stories of zen hermits.

    Buddhadragonperson
  • How well are you coping with dukkha?

    Not well but trying to apply everything buddhist and non-buddhist to help. Dukkha is like fire, there's many ways to put it out, prevent it, but we kind of need to use it sometimes too.

    HozanBuddhadragonBunks
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran
    edited December 6

    @Gui said:
    We make dukkha in our minds. My struggle is not with suffering but why it would be a concern.

    Well, it does take some practice to ably develop a detached rationale about dukkha.
    It did take some practice to the Buddha himself, and the 4NT revolve around the notion of dukkha, its cause and its cessation.
    It may take a while before it sinks in that dukkha is very much what we make it.

    Hozannamarupalobster
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    @namarupa said:
    How well are you coping with dukkha?

    Not well but trying to apply everything buddhist and non-buddhist to help. Dukkha is like fire, there's many ways to put it out, prevent it, but we kind of need to use it sometimes too.

    Some days we cope better than others...
    Some days we are the embodiment of equanimity and others, it's back to square one all over again

    HozanKundolobster
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Buddhadragon said:

    @namarupa said:
    How well are you coping with dukkha?

    Not well but trying to apply everything buddhist and non-buddhist to help. Dukkha is like fire, there's many ways to put it out, prevent it, but we kind of need to use it sometimes too.

    Some days we cope better than others...
    Some days we are the embodiment of equanimity and others, it's back to square one all over again

    Funnily enough the game of Snakes and Ladders has its origin in the Hindu lesson of precisely that issue....

    Kundolobsterperson
  • HozanHozan Veteran

    @Buddhadragon said:

    @namarupa said:
    How well are you coping with dukkha?

    Not well but trying to apply everything buddhist and non-buddhist to help. Dukkha is like fire, there's many ways to put it out, prevent it, but we kind of need to use it sometimes too.

    Some days we cope better than others...
    Some days we are the embodiment of equanimity and others, it's back to square one all over again

    I hear you. Each day at a time! Year by year, month by month, day by day, ...thought by thought...to qoute L.Cohen.

    Buddhadragon
  • KundoKundo Sydney, Australia Veteran
    edited December 6

    Both Buddhism and CBT stress the importance of three key elements to lead as much a dukkha-free life as possible:

    ❤️Mindfulness

    Vast improvement since committing seriously to the study of the Dhamma and beginning regular, daily meditation.

    ❤️Acceptance

    Not quite there yet

    ❤️Compassion

    Much improved over the past few years, although I tend to find it lacking sometimes when people "push my buttons" and wound me with words. Then my compassion tends to be directed solely to myself - I'm trying to work on that. 2018 has given me many lessons.

    What about you?
    How well are you coping with dukkha?
    Is your practice helping you?

    I thought I was coping ok. Have had a few setbacks over the last two weeks. Nothing that won't keep me down or do me in. I have found refreshing myself on the 4 Noble Truths and Eightfold Noble Path have done wonders on my perspective of why what happened, happened. My meditation practise has helped me view the situations from a neutral perspective and actually realise the blessing in the situations and be thankful they happened.

    Hopefully, this will continue
    _ /\ _

    lobsterpersonKerome
  • HozanHozan Veteran

    Sometimes not taking dukkha too seriously is the antedote...call it out for what it is...
    Yabba dabba duuuukkha
    Scooby dooby duuuukkha

    Buddhadragon
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran
    edited December 6

    The authors in the book highlight "clear seeing" as one of the positive benefits that comes from gradual Buddhist training and one of the best practices to help release dukkha's hold:

    "Gradually seeing through cognitive distortions, delusions, and emotionally cloudy perceptions is said to result in an experience of the 'clear light' of pure conscious awareness.".

    How much of what we experience as dukkha are entrapments of our own delusions?
    Do we suffer less if we are able to rise above our conditioned mind, biases, prejudices, subjective take on situations?

    Hozanperson
  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited December 6

    @Buddhadragon said:
    Some days we cope better than others...
    Some days we are the embodiment of equanimity and others, it's back to square one all over again

    Tee Hee.
    Snakes and ladders as @federica mentions ...
    Matthew 10:16 (includes doves and wolves) 🕊🐺🐍

    @Buddhadragon said:
    What about you?
    How well are you coping with dukkha?
    Is your practice helping you?

    Without practice I would be a duck by now.

    Coping with duckha-ha:

    • Everything. Including CBT mentioned in OP (original post)
    • Good diet, exercise, chanting.
    • Moving towards the sukha, metta dharma model ...


    Dukkha? Just bubble bath for us ducks ...

    HozanBuddhadragonKundo
  • DavidDavid some guy Veteran
    edited December 6

    Well, I'm still here so...

    Here in the general sense, not here on the forum, lol.

    BuddhadragonHozanKundo
  • HozanHozan Veteran

    @lobster said:

    @Buddhadragon said:
    Some days we cope better than others...
    Some days we are the embodiment of equanimity and others, it's back to square one all over again

    Tee Hee.
    Snakes and ladders as @federica mentions ...
    Matthew 10:16 (includes doves and wolves) 🕊🐺🐍

    @Buddhadragon said:
    What about you?
    How well are you coping with dukkha?
    Is your practice helping you?

    Without practice I would be a duck by now.

    Coping with duckha-ha:

    • Everything. Including CBT mentioned in OP (original post)
    • Good diet, exercise, chanting.
    • Moving towards the sukha, metta dharma model ...


    Dukkha? Just bubble bath for us ducks ...

    Just AWESOME @lobster . I love it. 💚❤💚❤

    Buddhadragon
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    @David said:
    Well, I'm still here so...

    Here in the general sense, not here on the forum, lol.

    ... so coping well?
    ☺️

  • HozanHozan Veteran

    @David said:
    Well, I'm still here so...

    Here in the general sense, not here on the forum, lol.

    Glad you are here..and here on the forum @David . 👍👍

    lobsterBuddhadragon
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    When I meditated with an Advayta Vedanta group during my late teens, we used to play an interesting version of Snakes and Ladders called Leelah, where we had to move up and down different levels, from Samsara to Nirvana...

    lobsterHozanDavid
  • DavidDavid some guy Veteran

    @Buddhadragon said:

    @David said:
    Well, I'm still here so...

    Here in the general sense, not here on the forum, lol.

    ... so coping well?
    ☺️

    👌

    HozanBuddhadragon
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    How well are you coping with dukkha?

    I would have to say as well as well can be ... (given the circumstances as and when they present themselves)...which I guess relatively speaking means for the most part I'm coping relatively well :)

    Without our friend Dukkha standing in the shadows of Samsara (waiting to pounce) there would be no happiness (in whatever form it takes) to speak of or strive/practice for... but then on the other hand it could also be a case of no Dukkha (no self) no Worries ...Or perhaps this is the ultimate goal...

    BuddhadragonHozan
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    @Shoshin said:
    ... but then on the other hand it could also be a case of no Dukkha (no self) no Worries ...Or perhaps this is the ultimate goal...

    Apparently, Samsara is a case of "No pain, no gain" situation.
    Were it not for dukkha, we would not know the satisfaction of the personal exertion that ultimately leads to us attaining our personal version of Nirvana.

    Ultimately, both Samsara and Nirvana are frames of mind, with dukkha blocking the view, I guess...
    ☺🌹🐉

    ShoshinHozan
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran
    edited December 7

    I find I get dragged away in dukkha’s stories... one moment I am perfectly calm, and the next I am deep in believing all kinds of aspects of this crazy world. It is all part of the mind, but we often involuntarily adopt a certain perspective which convinces us that we can feel or see deeply real things, and once you do you’re caught in the net, you lose the blissful state of independent viewing.

    I’ve learnt over the past two weeks that I have doubts that sometimes make me either over taking the right path, and that I’m quite slow in the process of letting wisdom emerge. It’s often only when I really strongly focus in a relaxed way, bring myself to a peak but still stay in relaxed awareness, that I can speak my best truths. And that has little to do with the brain, it just comes from somewhere in the mind.

    KundoBuddhadragonShoshinlobster
  • SE25WallSE25Wall London New

    I find giving up on any form of "self help" quite liberating. improving myself with myself is pretty tricky, especially as that "self" is pretty dysfunctional as standard. like someone on LSD trying to do a horrifically hard Sudoko.

    just calling on and then staying with a modicum of awareness is often enough to move into calmer waters. i had spent a life time on "self improvement" before mindfullness, and throwing myself into self improvment was always exhausting and 7 times out of 10, futile. acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. what did alan watts say, "when you speak, it is silent, when you are silent, it speaks."

    BuddhadragonHozanlobsterShoshin
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    I find I get dragged away in dukkha’s stories... one moment I am perfectly calm, and the next I am deep in believing all kinds of aspects of this crazy world. It is all part of the mind, but we often involuntarily adopt a certain perspective which convinces us that we can feel or see deeply real things, and once you do you’re caught in the net, you lose the blissful state of independent viewing.

    Our conditioned thinking system, our reactive patterns, our afflictive emotions took years to develop and habitual repetition has rendered them difficult -though not impossible- to uproot.

    Our dukkha seems pretty real to us.
    Perhaps more than some external dukkha, what is worse are the stories we tell ourselves about that dukkha.
    Hopefully, our practice eventually will help new patterns of response to become second nature and we, less prone to get carried away by the stories we tell ourselves about dukkha.

    Hozan
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Dukkha and its subtle threads of enticing entitlement are (so it would seem) woven into the fabric of every daily life...how "I" think what "I" say and what "I" do ...in any given moment "I" may feel a sense of satisfaction and the next moment "I" may [k]not...Such are the aggregates that have been conditioned to cling....

    HozanBuddhadragon
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    @Shoshin said:
    Dukkha and its subtle threads of enticing entitlement are (so it would seem) woven into the fabric of every daily life...how "I" think what "I" say and what "I" do ...in any given moment "I" may feel a sense of satisfaction and the next moment "I" may [k]not...Such are the aggregates that have been conditioned to cling....

    I guess the most important finding that may help us break the dukkha neurotic circle is the fact that most dukkha is self-imposed.

    When we come full circle, it all comes down to us buying into the negative, self-sabotaging storyline we tell ourselves about reality.

    HozanpaulysolobsterShoshin
  • paulysopaulyso usa Veteran

    how well are you coping with dukkha? doing ok.recognize personal dukkha is ongoing.

    is the practice helping you? yes. the tried technique of shifting attention to breath help from theravada.this zen im working on is just breathe . also strengthen awareness to be a mirror to try to stop thought patterns that arent beneficial.

    Buddhadragon
  • paulysopaulyso usa Veteran

    mindfulness,memory or recollection is ok.awareness can be better .little by little aware of feelings and awareness recognition help subside strong feelings such as anger.

    acceptance,how things are better if aware and observe pattern.personal self acceptance? my personal zen reminder just be helps to accept me.

    compassion? my new zen phraise let compassion be. let the mind-heart be moved in tears or action as the situation present itself.

    BuddhadragonHozan
  • Our dukkha seems pretty real to us.

    Which is unreal.

    @SE25Wall said:
    ...
    just calling on and then staying with a modicum of awareness is often enough to move into calmer waters. i had spent a life time on "self improvement" before mindfullness, and throwing myself into self improvment was always exhausting and 7 times out of 10, futile.
    ...

    Self improvement is another method of travel sickness. Hence the need for stillness ... How are we to improve on flawed perfection?

    @Gui said:
    We make dukkha in our minds. My struggle is not with suffering but why it would be a concern.

    Tee Hee. I iz melting ...

    BuddhadragonHozan
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    "I" can't deny ...Dukkha is bad company till the day "I" die...

    BuddhadragonHozan
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    Maybe whether dukkha is good or bad company depends on us, @Shoshin

    It's a long journey and we never stop learning...
    🐉💕

    Hozan
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    Dukkha as in unsatisfactoriness is unavoidable, but one can sink deeper into the mire. It all sprints from our delusions but the question is how deeply do you engage with those delusions? To what extent do you lead those delusions to the deeper sources of your being, where you have the choice to “just be”.

  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran
    edited December 9

    @nakazcid said:
    For me it's about about being the best person I can be, being compassionate and helpful to others, and doing my best to not cause harm. Perhaps I should try harder to follow the traditional path to enlightenment, but I don't know that I can.

    It seems to me that your phrase very much encapsulates what Enlightenment is about, @nakazcid

    Some posts should deserve a double awesome
    ❤️

    HozannakazcidShoshinlobster
  • Perhaps I should try harder to follow the traditional path to enlightenment, but I don't know that I can.

    There is a traditional path? Nobody tells me nothing ...
    The Buddha was so non-traditional, he started his own path ...

    I see a little silhouetto of a man
    Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
    Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
    (Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro
    Magnifico-o-o-o-o
    I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
    He's just a poor boy from a poor family
    Spare him his life from this monstrosity

    Freddie Mercury

    ... and now back to the dharma bridge over troubled waters ...

    Hozan
  • BuddhadragonBuddhadragon Ehipassiko & Carpe Diem Samsara Veteran

    @lobster said:
    I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
    He's just a poor boy from a poor family
    Spare him his life from this monstrosity_
    Freddie Mercury

    nakazcidlobsterHozanShoshin
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