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My experience, please weigh in.
On sunday I decided to try and set the following week (starting yesterday monday) as a time for noble silence and zero entertainment.
Woke up yesterday, feeling optimistic. Proceeded to have some tea and a cigarette (I smoked a lot less but I wasn't going to try and drive myself crazy) showered and then did some highly un-entertaining work (sanding down surfaces and re-painting them white) After that was all done, all I could do was sit, so that what I did.
I found while I was watching, I day dreamed. And I havent done that since I was in primary school. It felt the same blissful way I remembered it too. Anyway, I realised that and let it drop like I think I'm supposed to and after a while of stillness (full of coming and going thoughts that i would rather be watching tv or checking my email) another memory came of a nightmare I used to have when I was sick as a child. The bed I was sitting on felt, not physically, but mentally like it was turning to a surface of sharp jagged spikes. I did my best to sit through this and let it go when it wanted to go, but it shifted to a feeling that everything was turning to chaotic complexity. Things seemed to literally knot up, not solid images or ideas, more just the feeling of something getting confused and perminently messed up, I really don't know what what it was but at the time it seemed to be very, very real. The same thing followed but as tearing and ripping.
I couldn't hold it much more so I moved a little (Maybe so I knew I was still there or could stop it?)
I was left with a feeling of pointlessness, in regards to everthing. But I let that go. And a thought came to me that things dont need a point to be what they are with ease.
Went to sleep and woke up today at 8am angry. Let that go and the feeling of pointlessness came back. Stayed in bed watching my mind, fell asleep and woke up at 2 pm. Thought if everything was pointless I might as well enjoy my time so I got up and broke my silence.
I'm really starting to wonder if this will result in the ending of suffering, I know for a fact that it eases gross suffering really well. But... I feel like I have to give up everything in order to give up suffering, but give up everything and why be alive?