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Art, Buddhism, Mindfulness, and Perfectionism
I have been getting so bored of college and kind of worried that I don't want to do anything directly with my majors and minors once I'm done. In other words, I don't know what the @#$%
I want to do with my life and I don't want to rush into grad school or a full time career. I've been talking about taking some classes on art, sewing, woodworking, etc. to see if I like more artistic kind of things. I used to, but that was like in elementary school when I took my last art class. After that, things got busy and I got to be too much of a perfectionist to try new things unless I had to. Anyways, I decided to wait till after I graduate in a year and a half to take those classes since I have no electives left and would prefer to just take them as leisure classes at the local community college. Once Fall semester starts later this month I won't have time till next summer at the earliest.
Long story short, an artistic friend of mine talked me out of waiting till I take the classes to do some exploration. She helped me pick up some supplies at the local craft store and I've since invested in some art books. Fortunately, those type of books often wind up on the bargain shelves at book stores. So, I have been drawing and painting this week using charcoals and watercolors mostly.
It's kind of scary since I am such a perfectionist and art is so not about getting every last detail perfect and I hate not being an expert at something I'm doing. I'm having to force myself to practice daily even though it is really fun and I do enjoy it. It also scares me that I don't know where this is going. Everything up till now has been so purposeful. Now, I draw a picture and I don't even know what to do with the finished product, let alone if this means that I will someday do this for money. I feel like I'm driving myself crazy. I'm trying to just enjoy it for what it is now - a hobby. I need a hobby. Maybe later I'll have some skills that I can use directly or indirectly, but for now, why should I even care?
In addition to reanalyzing my life because I've drawn a few pictures, art is helping me with other things. I can't believe how long I've been able to focus on some objects. Most of the time I feel like I'm ADD (and probably am). And it really helps me be mindful of the little things. Now as I do my daily routine I'm paying much closer attention to my surroundings. I think, "Wow, look how beautiful the light is hitting that tree." I feel like art is meditation for me - and equally as hard. Anyways, that's where I am right now with things.