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Courage build-up tips

NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
edited October 2010 in General Banter
No, I am not here to sell those hints and tips. I will be the one who will buy them. Today the situation virtually exploded. Some of you know what the situation is about from the "The weakest man in the village" thread. If not , here is for short :
1. Some 20+ punk-ass gypsies found refuge in front of my best friends block of flats and started to terrorise all the people there.
2. I am mainly their target of mockery and trolling which I tried to avoid, but, not wanting to be like a doormat to them, I back-trolled them.
3. These animals ( I can't call them humans) think that all the things that belong to you, let's say a b-ball, and if you refuse to lend them the ball they will try to slowly beat the s#%t out of you; they will jump like 10 on one person;

Now, the situation : my friend refused to lend them the ball, and we went straight to a bus stop, to catch the bus, to go to the basketball courts; four of them followed us , just to have the occasion to play with the ball; again , my friend refused to lend them the ball, and, because they had no intention to leave him alone, I said to them: " leave him alone ! If he doesn't want to lend you the ball then get used to it !". As I finished to say that, the tougher one, one straight to me and wanted to pick a fight (gypsies often do that for no apparent reason) : " Who do you think you are to raise the voice at me , kid ?" the animal said. I explained to him what the matter was, and started to threaten me that he will take out the teeth out of my mouth and such.

The fact is, that I realised how fear took over my self. I couldn't react ( in the way that I should have imposed myself as more tougher than that animal, if you know what I mean), and I tried to solve this conflict peacefuly, mostly because, if I had hit that animal, my best friend wouldn't have returned home in one piece. I jumped in the bus, and that animal tried to palm me, but I blocked the hit.

Some things about those animals:
1. They don't fight alone. When alone, they lack the 'balls' to even look at you. That's why, I guess he came with other three guys.
2. If I beat the hell out of those animals in front of my best friend's block of flats, either, they will call other 30+ gypsies to solve those conflicts, either I will get pretty beaten up, and will end at the police station for disturbing the public 'silence'.

About that courage, I need some courage to prove that I can walk , after this incident, to my friend's block of flats and 'escape' from that place in one piece.
«1

Comments

  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    edited September 2010
    NB,

    I have read through your other thread as well, and remember many of the struggles you've described with those people. From here, it sounds like the interaction is escalating, which seems to indicate that there is more and more karma accumulating in your mind. I think you should buy them a basketball. You don't need courage, you need kindness... so even if you refuse offering a physical gift, please at least practice metta for them.

    They are people, and dehumanizing them leads you into deeper suffering.

    With warmth,

    Matt
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    aMatt wrote: »
    NB,

    I have read through your other thread as well, and remember many of the struggles you've described with those people. From here, it sounds like the interaction is escalating, which seems to indicate that there is more and more karma accumulating in your mind. I think you should buy them a basketball. You don't need courage, you need kindness... so even if you refuse offering a physical gift, please at least practice metta for them.

    They are people, and dehumanizing them leads you into deeper suffering.

    With warmth,

    Matt

    I thought about buying them one ball :) and just leave it to them. But , because they are not so intelligent they will play football with it, and the ball will land in an unaccesable terrain ( In that part of my neighbourhood there is lot of this kind of terrain) and will surely start to take our ball. Anyways, I am dehumanizing them because, they behave like animals in the deep Amazonian jungle. The only difference between animals and them is that they can talk. I understand that dehumanizing them is bad, but this is the way reality in my country portrays them :nonono:, and lots of sane people, to call them that way, will not add the 'human being' etiquette to those beings.

    I appreciate your help, and I'm trying to reach a solution tha twill ensure peace without the use of brute force.
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited September 2010
    In conflict situations, it's very important to be very clear about your goals. How do you want this situation to resolve?
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    fivebells wrote: »
    In conflict situations, it's very important to be very clear about your goals. How do you want this situation to resolve?

    As I said, without any violence. I want them, the majority, to ignore us, the minority, and to simply ignore one another. It's really hard, nearly reaching the impossible...Or so this matter seems to be.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    On top of that I need the courage not to appear like a doormat to them. And by this, I (guess) will put an end to this situation.
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited September 2010
    As I said, without any violence. I want them, the majority, to ignore us, the minority, and to simply ignore one another. It's really hard, nearly reaching the impossible...Or so this matter seems to be.
    Can you store the property they're contending for in another location, say a friend's house where they won't see you accessing it?
    On top of that I need the courage not to appear like a doormat to them.
    Just smile and be polite to them. Calmly point out inappropriate behavior and the societal risks it entails for them (that it's illegal. Get to know the law regarding assault and theft. A cop will likely be happy to explain it to you.) If possible, arrange for you and your friend to both carry cell-phone cameras and if they ever look threatening, make it clear that you've got their photos on your hard drive at home and the cops on speed dial. (I know all this is easier said than done with people you're angry at, but it's easier than escalating into physical combat.)
  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    edited September 2010
    I understand that dehumanizing them is bad, but this is the way reality in my country portrays them, and lots of sane people, to call them that way, will not add the 'human being' etiquette to those beings.

    I admit to complete ignorance of the workings of Romanian culture. Considering them inhuman is a delusion, even if your culture wrongly calls them animals. If you fall victim to that delusion, you are falling victim to that delusion.

    I think you call them animals because you are angry and afraid. "Their actions" and "their motivations" and "their XXXXXX" is not an excuse for your delusions... would the Buddha consider them human?

    With warmth,

    Matt
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    Just smile and be polite to them. Calmly point out inappropriate behavior and the societal risks it entails for them (that it's illegal. Get to know the law regarding assault and theft. A cop will likely be happy to explain it to you.) If possible, arrange for you and your friend to both carry cell-phone cameras and if they ever look threatening, make it clear that you've got their photos on your hard drive at home and the cops on speed dial. (I know all this is easier said than done with people you're angry at, but it's easier than escalating into physical combat.)[/quote]

    The part with the cops will just fall. Cops in my country are too damn afraid of gypsies , and when gypsies 'attack' you, the police isn't the right place to go for immediate help. Moreover, if you have an airsoft gun and try to defend yourself , and the situation is perfect for you to just defend yourself, if that 'blank bullet' hits the aggresor, you , who defended will end up in jail.

    About cell phones, we do have cell phones with camera ( like everyone in my country has at least one) , but , from my experience, you just don't use your cellphone when some strange people just stand near you, and you both fight a verbal war.

    I know, I am too damn afraid of them too, mostly because they outnumber me like ten to one.

    I also tought of smiling to them often, and even if I am backtrolling them, I am still talking politely to them. In general, I speak politely to everystranger that engages in a dialogue with me. About the smile part, yes, maybe this is dragging me down in this situation.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    aMatt wrote: »
    I admit to complete ignorance of the workings of Romanian culture. Considering them inhuman is a delusion, even if your culture wrongly calls them animals. If you fall victim to that delusion, you are falling victim to that delusion.

    I think you call them animals because you are angry and afraid. "Their actions" and "their motivations" and "their XXXXXX" is not an excuse for your delusions... would the Buddha consider them human?

    With warmth,

    Matt

    When I'm angry I fall into all kinds of traps. I try to get rid of that anger and hatred as soon as I can, but this thing is so annoying that I can't simply just let it go...don't know how. This, 'battle' left its signature in my mind. psychologically I am afraid of even putting one foot in my home-area, because of those people. I tried to trick my mind, to control myself, but no...everything I do is in vain. :(
  • still_learningstill_learning Veteran
    edited September 2010
    Sorry to hear about your situation Nomad.

    This may sound bad, but if I were you I would try really hard to move away. Life is short and you should be able to be happy.

    I just think at this point in time you are not ready or have the skillset to be able to resolve anything with the gypsies. They don't sound very reasonable.

    Also if you have some space and time away from them, then you may better be able to have compassion for them. The part where you dehumanize them in your mind is wrong, but hard to avoid when you are in the thick of it.

    Best wishes to you.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited September 2010
    There is surely no easy answer to this dilemma NomaD, and my thoughts are with you. But I most definitely agree that dehumanizing them accomplishes nothing but creating more suffering for you. It does nothing to help solve the situation in any way, and in fact, is making it worse for you. These people are never likely to become your best friends, but then you never know. As long as you hold on to "group think" (eg: all "Gypsies" are this way or that way), it will be impossible for you to let go of your inner anger toward them. If you see them as fundamentally different from you in some way (or ways), you are creating separation that does not exist. Do you not breathe the same air they do? Do you not drink the same water as they do (and I do, and everybody else does)?? If you are standing near them, your body and their bodies are exchanging ions all the time. The atoms that make up the compounds that compose the cells that make up your body were all created in the same star as the atoms in their bodies. So are they really any different from you or me? The allure of "them vs. us" is strong, but we have to recognize how much needless suffering it creates when we cling to it and perpetuate it.

    I don't know if it is possible for you to simply change your routine so as to spend your time in other places, but that is what I would try to do. Is there another basketball court you could use? Or another time you could play so you could simply avoid these people?

    No easy answers.

    Peace to you my friend,

    Mtns
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited September 2010
    The part with the cops will just fall. Cops in my country are too damn afraid of gypsies...

    Cursory research suggests that this is untrue. What's the basis for this surprising claim?
  • zombiegirlzombiegirl beating the drum of the lifeless in a dry wasteland Veteran
    edited September 2010
    just a thought, but i think that if i grew up poor in a place where everyone hated me and had bias toward me, thinking of me like an "animal"... i might be tempted to harass the common by-stander that walks past me, as well.
  • BhanteLuckyBhanteLucky Alternative lifestyle person in the South Island of New Zealand New Zealand Veteran
    edited September 2010
    Have some compassion for the "gypsies", they're one of the most persecuted minorities in the world. Especially in Eastern Europe, where you are NomaD.
    See here and here
    Calling them animals is exactly what the Nazis did. Oops, I might have just invoked Godwin's law.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    Have some compassion for the "gypsies", they're one of the most persecuted minorities in the world. Especially in Eastern Europe, where you are NomaD.
    See here and here
    Calling them animals is exactly what the Nazis did. Oops, I might have just invoked Godwin's law.

    Persecuted ? These persecutions happened years ago. Not now-a-days. As the Western Press tends to point out that they live in poverty, they are dirty and stuff, this is what they write from a mere contact with them. In my country, gypsies live in palaces (the ones who have money) or big elaborate houses, or they live in very large and very expensive apartments. The poor ones live wherever they can.

    The fact is, that although they might look poor , they will still drive some new 4X4 car to their ay home. I saw one scene like this, when a family of gypsies who looked very very poor, just got out of a 4X4. And those expensive things aren't earned from honest work. They don't pay any taxes, they are defended by the NGO (non-governmental organizations) everytime they do somethimg really bad that the whole country would know, they steal everything they can. Five days ago, they stole the whole internet cables in between Internet Providing Centers, leaving me , and some other people without internet for five days.

    About that news where the cop head-shot a roma man; police in our contry doesn't shoot people at random. As I said they are even afraid to touch the gypsies. And about romas getting shot from a police raid; this thing happened becuase the gypsies wouldn't cooperate with the 'Masked Men' ( somewhat like romanian version of S.W.A.T.) and would do everything to just drive the police and the law enforcement out of their sight.

    I don't say that all gypsies are bad. But the vast majority is stuck in this way of life. There are some gypsies who managed to become famous even across the borders of Romania ( Johny Raducanu ).
    There are lots of things that western press doesn't mention about roma people....
  • zombiegirlzombiegirl beating the drum of the lifeless in a dry wasteland Veteran
    edited September 2010
    Persecuted ? These persecutions happened years ago. Not now-a-days. As the Western Press tends to point out that they live in poverty, they are dirty and stuff, this is what they write from a mere contact with them. In my country, gypsies live in palaces (the ones who have money) or big elaborate houses, or they live in very large and very expensive apartments. The poor ones live wherever they can.

    The fact is, that although they might look poor , they will still drive some new 4X4 car to their ay home. I saw one scene like this, when a family of gypsies who looked very very poor, just got out of a 4X4. And those expensive things aren't earned from honest work. They don't pay any taxes, they are defended by the NGO (non-governmental organizations) everytime they do somethimg really bad that the whole country would know, they steal everything they can. Five days ago, they stole the whole internet cables in between Internet Providing Centers, leaving me , and some other people without internet for five days.

    About that news where the cop head-shot a roma man; police in our contry doesn't shoot people at random. As I said they are even afraid to touch the gypsies. And about romas getting shot from a police raid; this thing happened becuase the gypsies wouldn't cooperate with the 'Masked Men' ( somewhat like romanian version of S.W.A.T.) and would do everything to just drive the police and the law enforcement out of their sight.

    I don't say that all gypsies are bad. But the vast majority is stuck in this way of life. There are some gypsies who managed to become famous even across the borders of Romania ( Johny Raducanu ).
    There are lots of things that western press doesn't mention about roma people....

    you suffer, they suffer, we all suffer.
    i don't see why you are trying to convince a community of buddhists to adopt your beliefs. i will admit that i don't know what it's like to live in romania and i've never met a gypsy. but allow me to hold a mirror up, a lot of what you're saying reminds me of things i hear people say of african americans here. it's prejudice. it's wrong when they say it, it's wrong when you say it. and it's definitely not part of the eightfold path. i think you must know this deep down somewhere.

    i'm sorry that you suffer so much and i can tell that you have a lot of fear regarding the gypsies. but please try to focus less on "us vs. them". it's an illusion to believe that they are different than you. we can learn far more in our practice from our enemies than we can from our friends.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    zombiegirl wrote: »
    you suffer, they suffer, we all suffer.
    i don't see why you are trying to convince a community of buddhists to adopt your beliefs. i will admit that i don't know what it's like to live in romania and i've never met a gypsy. but allow me to hold a mirror up, a lot of what you're saying reminds me of things i hear people say of african americans here. it's prejudice. it's wrong when they say it, it's wrong when you say it. and it's definitely not part of the eightfold path. i think you must know this deep down somewhere.

    i'm sorry that you suffer so much and i can tell that you have a lot of fear regarding the gypsies. but please try to focus less on "us vs. them". it's an illusion to believe that they are different than you. we can learn far more in our practice from our enemies than we can from our friends.

    I know that I am afraid of them, and i want to just get rid of that fear. And I simply don't know where to start.
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited September 2010
    I know that I am afraid of them, and i want to just get rid of that fear. And I simply don't know where to start.

    A good place to start would be exammining the basis of your belief that romas are frightening, degraded people. Your assertions about them really seem to be coming out of left field. Supporting citations would help.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    That's exactly what I'm trying to do, but still, how can I , let's say , trick my mind ( this doesn't seem like the best way to describe my 'cure') into believing that romas are civilised people ( well I don't have problems with the vast majority of them, but with that minority at that block of flats) ?
  • edited September 2010
    That's exactly what I'm trying to do, but still, how can I , let's say , trick my mind ( this doesn't seem like the best way to describe my 'cure') into believing that romas are civilised people

    If they aren't 'civilized' then they aren't civilized. They are still humans.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    I know that. Now the next step would be ?
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited September 2010
    That's exactly what I'm trying to do, but still, how can I , let's say , trick my mind ( this doesn't seem like the best way to describe my 'cure') into believing that romas are civilised people ( well I don't have problems with the vast majority of them, but with that minority at that block of flats) ?
    If you're prepared to approach things at the emotional level, rather than the conceptual level, equanimity meditation would be a natural place to start. Described in this podcast (first in this series.) I suggest you do it in the progression recommended there (first yourself, then people you like, then neutral people, then difficult people. If you hit someone who induces reactions which are overwhelming, back off to someone easier for a bit.) It's slower, in a sense, but speed won't help you without a solid foundation in the method.
  • mugzymugzy Veteran
    edited September 2010
    You can't control how other people act. The only person you can control is yourself.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    mugzy wrote: »
    You can't control how other people act. The only person you can control is yourself.

    Well, yes, I know, that's why I'm looking for a way to do that.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    Well, I managed to control myself today when I came face to face with two of those punks. I was walking with some of my friends and they tried to mock us by saluting us like : " HELLOOO MA BROTHAZ !". I looked at them, I let them walk their way, and from behind I heard : " THE PUNK-ASSERY( this is how the Romanian word 'golăneală' would be translated) IS AMONG US ! ". I sighed and said "Facepalm", and my friends agreed with me.
    I don't know how, but I feel like I'm making small steps into getting rid of my fears.
  • Mr_SerenityMr_Serenity Veteran
    edited September 2010
    The idea of buying them a basketball was a good one. Kindness and courtesy is always your number 1 technique that will probably help. BUT, a big but there, when you get three+ people in a situation often there is politics. What that means, is that with those guys in a group they might be making a target of you because they see it as something fun to do.

    They probably think you're a wimp that is easy to walk all over and be made fun of. Be kind and cool with them, but if they keep approaching you thinking they can disrespect you to your face you may need to put them in their place. Take up mixed martial arts. Something serious and efficient. I'm talking about Krav Maga, Muay Thai, Wing Chun, Ninjutsu, Judo (for examples). Something that is brutal, efficient, and no nonsense for street fighting. And also work out 5-6 times a week, strengthen your body.


    If you can't afford the weekly classes, walk into a dojo and tell the teacher your situation in detail and in private. Any teacher worth their salt will teach you good techniques for free. You can do this for several martial art schools. Once you start practicing for real, you will no longer be afraid. By doing these things you're taking a precaution to be strong if you ever need it, and you might.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    I practiced Shito-ryu in my childhood, and now I practice Aikido. I keep those as a Plan B thing, when situation really demands it. Imade a plan, on how to approach them, but first I need to get my cool-head attitude back. I don't know why this inexplicable fear strikes...maybe becuase I'm afraid of what mockeries would throw at me, and that if I reply they will start beating me. And, on top of that, if one of them, from the main group is hurt, they will never hesitate to call up some gypsies who literally, run my hood. And those gypsies will come with knives and so on, and I don't want the situation to worsen, for both sides of the conflict. Especially in a country where self-defense equals prison time.
    But I know, if they show any signs of threat, I'll get my Aikido and Shito-ryu ready.
  • Mr_SerenityMr_Serenity Veteran
    edited September 2010
    You sure self defense equals prison time in your country? If that is so why would they even have martial art schools there? Fear is a martial artists worst enemy. An amateur street fighter who has never stepped foot in a dojo can beat a martial artist who is afraid. It is often the first good strike that wins the fight, but even after being hit, if your mind is strong you can come back and win. Like a confident matador that teases an angry bull, the bull can still gore him and win. Don't strike anyone unless you have the intention of making it so they don't get back up.
  • ZendoLord84ZendoLord84 Veteran
    edited September 2010
    the old me would say beat the shit out of their leader, the toughest one, the one with the biggest mouth, proberly you would lose being outnumered, but if you take out a tooth or two, break his nose, bruise his eyes, they will think twice about coming at you again. Or even better use a baseball bat or the metal pipe of a vacuumcleaner. We have the same problems in our country but then with maroccan youth. When alone their pussy's, when in a group they think they can take out anyone.

    However that is the old me talking, and I don't approve of this approach anymore.
    It was kinda shocking that by reading your post I could feel your anger and frustration, first it was recognisition, then the anger became my own. i used to be in a lot of fights with these kind of people. But fighting them only made things worse, each and every time. Things got sometimes really really bad.

    I think this is something you just have to endure. They are testing you. Stay true to your believes, be kind and relaxed.

    You should not see your fear as a weakness. It's an instict that keeps you sharp and alert, since you are in a dangerous position. Learn to embrace your fear. When I fight in the ring (i'm a boxer) I always feel fear, but unless it grows out of control it's a good thing.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    You sure self defense equals prison time in your country? If that is so why would they even have martial art schools there? Fear is a martial artists worst enemy. An amateur street fighter who has never stepped foot in a dojo can beat a martial artist who is afraid. It is often the first good strike that wins the fight, but even after being hit, if your mind is strong you can come back and win. Like a confident matador that teases an angry bull, the bull can still gore him and win. Don't strike anyone unless you have the intention of making it so they don't get back up.

    I'm not in that position where an amateur street fighter would take me out because I'm afraid. I ws attacked on the street, well, at the same block of flats by two kids ( I was like 11 years old back then) and one of them fled, the other went home with his face all bruised.
    I'm afraid of their great numbers, and that they will call back up, and I have no back up. If I could carry a bokken the situation would be different, but that's a different story.
    And yes, I am really, 100% sure that self defense equals prison time. There are examples in which normal people, let's say average people on the street defended themselves against gypsies, and that person , that average person landed in prison because he punched on of the gypsies ( gypsies attack in packs). The Romanian State's laws don't guarantee that you are safe in a self defense case. On top of that, I've seen on TV something that really made me rethink about the country in which I'm living right now: the news were about some 'gangsters' who punched the cops, and the latter didn't even react; or, some cops that were nearly on the point to be beaten up i na hospital, again by some 'gangster' gypsies. As a conclusion, if I try to take attitude against one of them,I surely worsen my situation, and the' punishment' will come either from the gypsies, either from the police.
    Martial Arts in my country are something to be used when fighting in a dark alley, when no one can see each other's face. Not many people know about karate, or aikido, or other styles. Romanians, especially these days, don't have time for this 'nonsense'(in their opinion).
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    @you are zen master
    I know that trick, to attack the leader. The problem is, that if I beat the leader, there would come other bigger leaders who would beat me. The guy who threatened me, as a friend of mine told, is a close friend with the 'gangsters' who run my old hood. So, I , for a moment, try to avoid him, but, if I come face to face with him ( and we start beating each other), he won't even call back up, because he doesn't know who I am, but he can surely find out in time.
    I revised my strategies and I'm focusing on my fear.I , as you say, try to embrace it. I found out that meditation during my commute to Bucharest helps me to keep my fear below the line.
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited September 2010
    I practiced Shito-ryu in my childhood, and now I practice Aikido.
    Check out the book Aikido In Everyday Life: Giving In To Get Your Way.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    :sadc::sadc: Too bad it was that short. I definetly want it, but my time, my ' finances' and my...domains which require my full focus don't allow me to order it on the internet, or to read it in the spare-time.
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited September 2010
    Given your circumstances, it will very likely save you time, and I bought my copy on amazon for pennies+shipping. I can understand why it seems like a lot of work, though.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited September 2010
    I recommend to avoid conflict with the gypsies. "Just keep on walking". If they assault you then run away. I'm serious.

    As far as courage? Let go of materials, beliefs, and states of mind... The practice of kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity will warm the way for the trust to open to experience.

    Ultimately the courage will come from trust to open coupled with seeing reality clearly. But don't fault yourself for having fear! A definition of a buddha is a being who has no fear.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    These days I really avoid that place. I will avoid that place until I heal the 'scars' left by this fear.
    Well, I'm not getting in conflict with gypsies. They are the ones who will threaten to beat you when you say something that sounds like a refusal.
    As I said, the old fashioned fight will be kept as a Plan B thing.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited September 2010
    I realised a thing after today's Aikido session : that the conflict between me and those people is entirely in my head. Now, having this little revelation, how can I use it for my own good, and other people's good (one of my friends is really afraid of everything that looks like gypsies, and his fear is much more worse than mine) ?
  • mugzymugzy Veteran
    edited October 2010
    the conflict between me and those people is entirely in my head.

    Yes!
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited October 2010
    No. A dangerous way to think. The problem is in the relationship between their karma and Nomad's.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited October 2010
    The thing just happened. Now, although we make eye contact with them when I'm getting out of school, we don't say a word to each other. But still my feeling of fear has to disappear.

    Karma, mine,their, has just intersected at one point, which, was unfavourable for me.
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited October 2010
    ...my feeling of fear has to disappear.

    Karma, mine,their, has just intersected at one point, which, was unfavourable for me.
    It would be nice if fear just disappeared, but that's not the way it works. Sometimes there isn't time or space to open to the fear, and suppression is the right approach. But over the long haul, opening to the fear is the only productive way to relate to it.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited October 2010
    The thing I hate about fear is that I freeze. My mind is defocused from the objective and focuses more on the defreezing.
    So, how do I open myself to fear ? How can I embrace it ?
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Try the meditations described in these podcasts.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited October 2010
    I started downloading from the series I've recomended :).
    Offtopic question, what's the name of the Zen monk, who was some kind of a rebel , meaning that he used to visit the red light districts, and write poetry and so on, that broke the monastic rules ?
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited October 2010
    My impression is that there were many, but I don't know any of them specifically. I'm not big on Zen history. Why do you ask?
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Well, because I had to tell a friend of mine that even those who do not conform with some rules can get enlightened , or, will become a great man. That's why.
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    edited October 2010
    Aha, I found out : Ikkyu was the name of that rebel monk .
  • NomaDBuddhaNomaDBuddha Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
    Ontopic : Two weeks ago, three people from my high school wanted to pick up on me, while I was walking home. One of them, a dumb brute, whom I had conflicts in a camp in Greece ( for him being stupid, trying to pull pranks on me; me humilliating him in front of his entourage). They wanted to...(weird or dumb thing) make me take my boots of my feet in the middle of the street. Of course I refused, and they asked one another if they should beat the hell out of me for not responding to their demand. Then, the brute threatened me, and I clenched my fists (I was in the middle of the group, and the brute was standing at my right side, and it was easy for me to K.O. him) and then they told me it was just a joke and so on...and they continued with ( being winter and snow being everywhere)throwing snowballs at me ( dumb brutes miss a target who is walking in a straight line, with a constant speed , two or three meters in front of them).
    After this incident I found out a new thing that pops up when I am in a 'battle': conflicting intentions. Meaning that, on part of myself orders 'Retreat!' and the other one orders 'Stay here and calm yourself up !'.
    What should I do about it ? How should I deal with it ?
  • First try to understand them. You can read online about the Roma, their traditions, their problems and the possible causes for their behaviour. Having understood, in an intellectual sense, then you need to work on having compassion.

    They are not animals, they are human beings, just like you, and just like you, they want to be happy. We all want to be happy. Some of us are simply more skilled in achieving this aim than others.

    With understanding and compassion, you will get courage. Returning hatred for hatred can only escalate the bad feelings on both sides.
  • Have you tried talking to them? befriending them? try and find one who is alone, or a small group. Walk up and talk to them as if you had no idea whatsoever that they are Romas. Treat them how you would treat anyone else. It will take them off-guard when you walk up to them and begin talking to them like you've known them for years. If they react violently to this, then they have some sort of mental defect, and should be avoided.

    They act they way they do because they are perfectly aware of the image that you give them... if you act like this image never existed in the first place, and treat them as a fellow human being, then they should warm up to you.
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