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Getting started (how??)
Hi, my name is Tom. About Me:
I am 19 and have been depressed all my life. There is not a day I can remember when I did not have severe anxiety. I sometimes have panic attacks and always feel confused, dizzy, out of control. It has gotten so bad that I rarely leave my house. I have agoraphobia. Whenever I feel the nervousness, my heart starts to pound, then race. My whole body shakes with my heartbeat. You can see it shaking my shirt. My throat swells up, gets tight, I have difficulty breathing. Sometimes I shake uncontrollably. These days it feels like I see everything through a haze, like I am not 100% there. I feel light headed and fear that I will just fade out and die at any moment. The other day I went to the bookstore and had immense difficulty communicating with anyone. My face gets beet red and I sweat, and then my heart beats so vigorously that I have trouble talking. This same recurring event reminds me why I have no friends, why I have never had a girlfriend, why I have missed out on so much of life, even scared to go out and do the things that I am interested in.
But I KNOW all of this is the result of anxiety. It is all in my mind. I had my heart checked out and did medical tests, but I am ok. They say I am healthy. Of course my mind is not healthy. It is plagued by irrationality and negativity and polluted with spirals and clouds of bad thoughts. Right now I am at the point where I am going to change my life around. I need to. Nobody can live like this. Not only is it immensely painful but it is embarrassing. I can't go to collage or get a job or meet new people like this! I can't really communicate with people because I spend all of my energy combatting my own mind, trying to survive and get over anxiety. There is no energy left for interaction.
However, I know how I am going to get better. I spend 95% of my time reading and researching anxiety and the mind, spirituality and, recently, the teachings of Buddha. I have decided that the first thing I need to do, the first step in the right direction, is starting Meditation. The only problem is I have no idea how to do that, how to start meditating. There is nobody I can ask who could help guide me in the right direction, so I have come here. This forum looks like a compassionate place with people who know Buddhism from practicing themselves, first hand experience. So I hope some can give me advice on how to start meditating, how you started meditating, and specifically what it is that you do.
Tom
I am 19 and have been depressed all my life. There is not a day I can remember when I did not have severe anxiety. I sometimes have panic attacks and always feel confused, dizzy, out of control. It has gotten so bad that I rarely leave my house. I have agoraphobia. Whenever I feel the nervousness, my heart starts to pound, then race. My whole body shakes with my heartbeat. You can see it shaking my shirt. My throat swells up, gets tight, I have difficulty breathing. Sometimes I shake uncontrollably. These days it feels like I see everything through a haze, like I am not 100% there. I feel light headed and fear that I will just fade out and die at any moment. The other day I went to the bookstore and had immense difficulty communicating with anyone. My face gets beet red and I sweat, and then my heart beats so vigorously that I have trouble talking. This same recurring event reminds me why I have no friends, why I have never had a girlfriend, why I have missed out on so much of life, even scared to go out and do the things that I am interested in.
But I KNOW all of this is the result of anxiety. It is all in my mind. I had my heart checked out and did medical tests, but I am ok. They say I am healthy. Of course my mind is not healthy. It is plagued by irrationality and negativity and polluted with spirals and clouds of bad thoughts. Right now I am at the point where I am going to change my life around. I need to. Nobody can live like this. Not only is it immensely painful but it is embarrassing. I can't go to collage or get a job or meet new people like this! I can't really communicate with people because I spend all of my energy combatting my own mind, trying to survive and get over anxiety. There is no energy left for interaction.
However, I know how I am going to get better. I spend 95% of my time reading and researching anxiety and the mind, spirituality and, recently, the teachings of Buddha. I have decided that the first thing I need to do, the first step in the right direction, is starting Meditation. The only problem is I have no idea how to do that, how to start meditating. There is nobody I can ask who could help guide me in the right direction, so I have come here. This forum looks like a compassionate place with people who know Buddhism from practicing themselves, first hand experience. So I hope some can give me advice on how to start meditating, how you started meditating, and specifically what it is that you do.
Tom
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Comments
If you want to spend some money on an audio course, one I can recommend is "The Inner Art of Meditation" by Jack Kornfield. It's a 5-week (5-part) course that takes you through the whole process from the beginning as if you're a part of the class in which it was originally taught. This is one I've used myself.
http://www.audiobooksonline.com/Inner-Art-of-Meditation-Jack-Kornfield-unabridged-compact-discs-Sounds-True-audiobooks.html