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Alright nowadays I keep getting very hormonal, which is kinda funny since I'm a guy and I shouldn't have hormonal crap, but whenever I feel hormonal I get myself stuffed with expensive, good food and thick, expensive books and other material things.
Maybe I'll get myself cursed for this. But I'm hormonal in actually immaterial gains. I think my mind isn't as Buddhist as it used to be nowadays, and drawing a reference from "The Art of Happiness" co-authored by HHDL and Howard C. Cutter;
Turn to Page XIV if you do have this book people...
For example, recently I met with some doctors at a university medical school. They were talking about the brain and stated that thoughts and feelings were the results of different chemical reactions and changes in the brain. So, I raised the question: Is it possible to conceive the reverse sequence, where is the thought gives rise to the sequence of chemical events in the brain?
So quite paradoxically, while people who cannot satisfy their material needs turn to the immaterial sides of the human psyche, like spirituality, I'm actually turning away from immaterialism to materialism!
Alright maybe the quote wasn't so good here, but then the crux of my problem is kinda weird... Now I don't have any desire to want, but I know that being material will fill myself up... So it's quite funny... Maybe I'm not doing my Buddhism correctly or something... But I'm not being attached to something at all! It's just that I think that being material will plug the holes in my immaterial needs... I know it's a little complicated and stupid, but it's really happening to me!
Are such reverses actually possible? I think I must be the only one in 4000 years since the start of the first organized religions, Judaism... Dude, this is funny. Does anyone here have similar experiences?