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Did you ever suffer from an illness or condition which presented a great way to practice?
Ficus_religiosa
Veteran
I recently had an outbreak of eczema on the back of my head (I suspect it came from shaving myself bald two weeks ago, thereby damaging my skin with the razor). It's not a large area but it scratches and itches like mad - and the amazing thing is that it doesn't really bother me! I take it as a great opportunity to practice mindfulness, and it really works. Sometimes I feel that if it hurt/itched that much earlier in my life, I'd wanna smash my head through a wall.. Today I feel so happy and lucky that I can just let it itch and continue with whatever I'm doing. Before I know it I don't feel it anymore for hours..
Well i just wanted to share my enthusiasm and I would also like to hear if anyone else suffered from some harmless but irritating condition which really helped practice mindfulness
- ficus_religiosa (who was very skeptic when he joined this forum, but really do feel the advantages of Buddhist practice)
Well i just wanted to share my enthusiasm and I would also like to hear if anyone else suffered from some harmless but irritating condition which really helped practice mindfulness
- ficus_religiosa (who was very skeptic when he joined this forum, but really do feel the advantages of Buddhist practice)
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Comments
Prior to this diagnosis I was very active, very extrovert and very ambitious. I had very many plans from completing my PhD, helping out at our local homeless shelter, volunteering with the Samaritans, travelling around Asia, trekking in South America, to becoming a Headmistress. I could list everything that I have lost, but I am trying to focus on what I have gained. Insight into living with chronic and life threatening illness, patience, the opportunity to practice mindfulness meditation, and the eightfold path, the latter two have saved my sanity.
Metta
Of course I fantasized about the implications of such an inflammation. Was it cancer? Would it kill me? This was a great opportunity to explore the bases for my fears concerning death.
Of course, when the condition cleared I was relieved.
In the early stages of my beginning meditation practices I, like almost all of us, suffered from great back pain trying to sit for an hour or so. At first it caused me to avoid the practice altogether. Then, as I resolved to soldier on through the pain, I noticed how the pain experience process was working.
As I would sit in meditation various sensory phenomena would announce their imminent arrival kind of like semaphore flags signaling in the distance of my awareness. I would see the 'flag waving' (lit. I would see like grass waving or signs flipping) and know that there was phenomenon I could choose to pay attention to or not. This was liberating in that it was obvious what choice I would make when pain waved its little sign. No! I was not going to pay that any attention!
I do plan on getting surgery, but while I wait...whenever I have an attack I meditate on my breath, accept the fact that it hurts, and move on. It's helped a LOT.
I think I practice with nonattachment to states. Because there are advantages to my psychotic phase my body feels good and my meditations more pleasurable, but I hear voices and have paranoid delusions once that energy eventually decays me.
Then my other phase I am either a little bit of energy or sometimes very sedated almost with the dullness. I used to drink alcohol to release emotions and feeling when I was drunk but I became addicted to that and have quit.
So its almost no choice but to practice the dharma and sit with all these states. The delusions are times to practice with patience in sitting with things. For example I don't get too disturbed anymore even when voices are saying they hate me. Though I had a hard holidays as usual because I had delusions about what my family was saying to me in hidden messages. Even if I don't believe the messages and I am always bated to half believe, but anyway even if a part of me is stable it is still upsetting.
At first, this was disastrous to my practice, and lead me to leaving the Zen sangha with whom I was practisiing - they were heavily into long periods of meditation which I simply could no longer participate in. I felt so out of things and people didn't seem to understand my distress and my pain.
But then I met my current, lay meditation teacher, who has introduced me to Lama Chime Rinpoache and everything changed. Not that he said much to me specifically about my situation, but I realised that if you can't get across the river one way, find another.
I still can't meditate for long periods and I've given up trying to sit on a zafu (if I get down, I can't get up again!) but weirdly, that no longer matters, as I have discovered so many more ways of doing things.
Maybe my Zen friends would not approve of my current practice, but perhaps the problem was originally I was trying to please them, trying to "fit in"? But now I'm a very bad Buddhist - I don't do things at all the way I should, but I do what I can, and I take a lot of convincing about quite a lot of things (stubborn). I try to learn from my experiences and not separate "my practice" from "my life".
Pain is a great educator, you know. Maybe some can, but I can't just ignore it and carry on. Neither can I "send love to it" as my lay teacher exhorts me to do. But it does teach you acceptance and it prevents you being distracted by so much rubbish that is out there in the world - when you're in pain, material things suddenly become that much less important. Of course, then you have your attachment/aversion to the pain itself, but that's at least a concentrated challenge coming from one direction, unlike all the other distractions in the world. If I could just learn to use my pain, rather than fighting it, I might actually get somewhere.
What an incredible relief it is to see what's real.
Jeffrey,
I hope that things settle down for you now that the holidays are over. It must be quite a battle dealing with the voices and the delusions.
Metta
I have almost chronic abdominal pain due to complications from treatment for my cancer (thankfully I've been in the clear for almost ten years). I also suffer from painful cysts and find that when the pain is at its worst, I try to focus on the pain and to define what the pain is. As I try to unravel it, often the pain significantly decreases. I also try to do the Medecine Buddha visualisation and meditation at night when I'm uncomfortable and finds that works well for me too.
In metta,
Raven
I have bad posture and it's been great to practice mindfulness too.
A heads up though: It wasn't eczema anyway, but shingles. That explains the pain! I got some pills which are helping a lot. From the description of the rash and the symptoms, I think I might've helped myself even more than I initially thought - I had itching and sometimes intense pain, but nothing compared to what I could've experienced
I think also that relatively 'trivial' but ongoing discomfort like persistent mouth sores or abdominal pain can grind people down more than an acute, but short lived illness. It can become like the steady drip of water onto your forehead that you cannot escape from.
Thankfully Buddhism gives us so many tools to work with.