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What should you do when you're jealous of your best friend's beauty?
I'm finding myself so jealous and hateful inside towards my best friend
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One useful contemplation for an equal beauty is to look beneath the skin of yourself and your friend :eek:
Don't really...I don't know why I felt compelled to say that...it was a joke...please, no murder.
Having a beautiful form is the result of having previously practised patiences so one should rejoice in such a persons good fortune instead of being jelous...Rejoicing is such a better practise then falling prey to delusion.
You might have felt compelled to say that to show OP the absurdity of these jealous and hateful feelings through humor. But maybe not.
I stopped myself from giving an opinion, right on the cusp of "you're a snowflake", and just thought of what is.
Growing up, I always felt I was too skinny. Looking at relatives now who were as skinny as I, will I be "too chunky" or "too old looking" in the future?
Of course, you could always just find some ugly friends
mudita is translated into english as sympathetic or appreciative joy
it means to be happy for the happiness or good fortune of others
the meditation on mudita generally expresses itself as follows:
"May all beings not be parted from their good fortune"
it follows, if we believe a friend is beautiful, we should think: "May she/he not be parted from their good fortune"
we should be try to be happy for them
such a practise can beautify our mind
both mentally & physically, we can become a more beautiful & radiant person through the practise of mudita
beauty is an attractive quality. even the buddha taught this. for example, the buddha taught a woman has three powers, namely, physical beauty, economic wealth and good character
the buddha said if a woman has these three powers, in terms of worldly standards, she has everything
but the buddha taught if a woman has physical beauty & economic wealth but does not have good character, good people will not want to associate with her
for example, often we see famous movie stars always having continuous relationship breakdowns & other very serious problems. this is because they have physical beauty & economic wealth but they do not have good character
where as, if a woman does not have physical beauty & economic wealth but does have good character, the Buddha taught good people will still want to associate with her
so the Buddha taught mental beauty (good character) is more beneficial than physical beauty
we can develop mental beauty via the practise of mudita
"I am happy for your happiness, I am pleased for your success, May you not be parted from your good fortune"
kind regards
metta
I thought maybe you might still have been below 20.
Don't know why.... I just got the impression it seemed a bit "emotionally immature", but in an adolescent girl this would be understandable.
But you're an adult, so that's a bit more difficult to understand....
So now I would ask:
How long have you been feeling like this?
Why, what triggered it?
Do they know, or have any idea?
How long have you been studying/practising Buddhism?
What have you read/learnt that has helped you in any way?
Focus on the qualities you like about your friend, the aspects of character that are attractive to you. The rest is window-dressing.
1.) believing yourself to be superior to another
2.) believing yourself to be inferior to another
3.) believing yourself to be equal to another
That last one made me take pause. We usually try to immunize ourselves from feelings of insecurity by adopting a "we're all equal" attitude. But if that's also a form of misguided conceit, what's the alternative? The alternative is to realize that all the criteria we use to define ourselves in relation to others is meaningless in the face of what's really important. All comparisons fall apart in the face of the reality that all of life is like a breath: it emerges, it is, and it passes away. We can't own anything (not even our beauty or the things beauty might bring us) for more than an instant, just as we can't own a breath. So if there's nothing to hold onto, clinging to beauty or jealousy is just making our short life more difficult than it needs to be. If your friend is beautiful, it is because nature bestowed it upon them. It's not his/her's and is nothing to be proud of or identify with.
Knowing this on an intellectual level is a good start. Deeply experiencing this, however, requires that you step out of your thoughts enough to see what you're thinking without buying into your story-lines. If you haven't already, perhaps try simple breath meditation. Perhaps try the mudita (sympathetic joy) practice Dhamma Dhatu mentions above. One result of both is to help you see jealous thoughts as simply thoughts -- usually thoughts that are based on inaccurate interpretations of reality and/or unhelpful to you -- and let them go in favor of something more beneficial for others and more compassionate towards yourself.
Studies have shown (
With all the good advice here, "you'll get what you need" to WORK it out; if that doesn't help, no problem, *aging* will do it for you!
Thanks for the comic relief, Roger. ^_^
Anyway, practice mindfullness, and letting go; develop an irresistable personality, give to the world, and be patient.
Oh, and BTW, according to a variety of reports and people's personal observations, beauty isn't all it's cracked up to be. It comes with its own baggage. So don't worry about other people having it better than you. Just live a good life.
'Village idiot' has been taken though.....
You can choose to be jealous and attempt to sabotage your friend/enemy or
rejoice in her good fortune. Maybe by rejoicing with her, her beauty may "rub off" on you or you can get helpful hints on how to be "beautiful" from her. Remember that beauty does not only come from physical appearance.
Ask yourself which approach makes you feel better.
If you create a self which gives you pleasure and satisfaction, you will find yourself on the road to more confidence and later, success.
Who me ?